Life as I know it......

So, where you been...........we've been right here all along.......

2009-07-09T15:00:00.003-04:00

Okay, so sorry so long so gone..... :-(

Crap, five months really can slip by if you're not careful. Honestly, got tied up with work and Facebook (I'm addicted). I also cancelled my home internet service so that I can save money this year. Its not really working but at least I'm not dumping $100 a month for service I use 15 minutes a day. So, what have I been up to? Well let's catch up for a minute.

February ended with a bit of craziness. The broad that I met earlier that month kept standing me up and then finally met up with me for Mardi Gras only to drive me all over town at 80 mph while intoxicated....all the time whisper "Rocky, don't worry.....I'm a really good driver....".

In March, I went to New Orleans to celebrate my birthday and St. Paddy's day. First time being in Louisiana. Lot's of fun, rain, drink and creole food. The drive sucked though and I got sick when I got home. I went on a couple of last minute work trips that sucked ass. I think I met a couple new girls that immediately sold me out.

In April, I did some sales training at work, even though I despise salesmen. Took a trip to Phillidelphia for work, first time being in that part of the country. My company changed names to Cosworth Electronics which rolls off the tongue way easier. I tried dating my bartender but she proved impossible to ever meet up with outside of the bar. Then, my new, upstairs neighbor flooded my apartment bathroom with his toilet water. He almost got a beat-down for that one.

May began with a dog walk in Chicago. Unfortunately, Pugs have limited mobility by nature, and even less if they're pudgy. Then, I went back to Philly cause I missed the crappy weather. I met another girl and she dismissed me a week later but then the next day met another girl and she stood me up a couple of weeks after that ;-)

June started with a week work trip to North Carolina and my grandma going to the hospital. Everythings cool now but it was a scary time. Then, I did a one-nighter to South Bend to visit my boy, Raul, for a Corby's night where I ran into my old bartender, Sarah, who moved back from Fort Wayne. I gave her my email addy but have yet to hear from her :( The rest of June was spent trying to get as much sun as possible to get a tan :)

Anywho, so, again, sorry for my absence. I'll do better this go around. This year is about to get crazy with a couple of stag parties and weddings in about six weeks time total. I also volunteered to help my cousin drive his car back from Beverly Hills in August. Should be a wreck of a time. Work is sucking pole like every day. I need to quit this job and get to a place that would make me happy. I'm locked into my apartment for another year and then it's on like the break of dawn. I'll keep you posted.........

Here's a face-melt photo of me and my goddaughter........

Scratch that and reverse, reverse.....

2009-02-17T10:54:00.004-05:00

Do the Charlie Brown! Okay, so its Tuesday and just wanted to apologize for the rant yesterday. Sometimes, on Monday, I forget to attach my man-parts before leaving the house :-/

Important story that I keep forgetting to bring up.....or maybe I keep forgetting as I have to have my memory wiped clean after every occurance.......either way, there is an outbreak of old dude junk at the gym these days. It's freaking me out but apparently, old dudes' everywhere want all young dudes to see their "shh-mack", their "cash and prizes", their "twig n berries". Honestly, its quite disgusting and against the YMCA locker room policies. There are signs everywhere that clearly state "cover up and wear a swim suit in the whirlpool". And here's the thing, I'm brash enough to open my mouth and tell someone to "put the dick away" but there's no good ending to getting into an altercation with a nakid dude. I have had some positive proactive issues with the YMCA. I bitched about the lack of people cleaning up the free weight area so they opened up their pocketbook and hired someone to do so. However, I don't know how to tell them they need to hire a "Naked Policeman"........err, wait, no, I mean..............sigh..............

Maybe I don't know what I'm talking about.........

2009-02-16T16:31:00.003-05:00

Ever have one of those existential days that leave you more depressed than when the day started? Me too. But, only on the days that end in "y". Maybe its just the state of everything going on in the world or maybe its recent developments within my own life but even as topsy-turvy as it gets, I still feel like I'm standing still while the world sorts stuff out and I'm still at the starting line. Maybe its just a case of the Mondays or maybe I've grown female parts.....or maybe its Michael Bolton on my Ipod.

Anywho, been a bit since I last blogged. Since last I was here, I tried to stop the dude-love by finally resigning my match.com membership. I thought that would've been difficult as I was addicted but I swapped out match.com for Facebook.com and am still hooked on the white horse. Facebook has been fun but too many people I didn't even talk to in my past are trying to be my friend. Probably cause they want to up their friendship numbers. Always the bridesmaid never the bride, I guess.

One of my personal goals this year was to end the "man-dates". Not having much luck. I went out with one chick that tanked on the second date. But on my most recent man-date, the server thought I was cute and dropped me her number. Of course this pissed off my mate who's comment was "All you have to do is just show up...". In my defense, I've been in the gym like 5 nights a week and I finally got a hair cut, no more shaggy dog, so I was looking pimped by all measures. Anywho, I went out with the server last week but am doubtful of any good outcomes.

Actually, I'm not going to lie, today's f*ck-pie started with my waking up alone and wondering when am I going to get back into a real relationship and then turning the blade over and thinking how much I hate real relationships and their bullshit. Then, a facebook friend of mine, who is this hot girl I met at breakfast club in 2007, posted a status that I commented on and she commented back and I got to checking out her profile and was pissed that she lives in San Fran as we had originally hit it off. Point being, when do I get my hot chick to share in my shitty life in Indianapolis. I'm mean, come-the-f*ck-on, already. I've got cheap furniture, a crappy job that constantly causes heartburn, four food items in my fridge and no real hope of bettering myself other than constantly working out as its all I can afford to do these days. What girl wouldn't want a piece of that? Exactly. Beeping exactly.........

Okay, not going to end on a sour note. Had some fun this year with the man-dates. Went to a hockey game, monster truck rally, Pacer's game and some general bar-hopping. Going to Naw 'Leans in March for St. Paddy's day so that should be fun. Hopefully, I'll get to New York this spring and cruise the Big Apple. Got to really shake-n-bake this year and have some fun. Peace..........

I'm flattered, maybe even a little curious.............

2009-01-20T08:24:00.003-05:00

NO, NO, NO, NO!!!!! Why? Why would I want to know that? Match.com, in their infinite wisdom, let a dude match himself with me. Granted Match.com isn't exactly batting .500 with all the "ugos" and "what-the-fuck" they sent my way but there's a line and they crossed it. Maybe they're mad at me for finally cancelling my membership after two years of loyal service. I'm not going to lie, I was addicted. I was checking my profile every hour hoping that one "10/10" would send me a wink or email. Actually, a couple did and every time it would turn out that the profile was fake and promoting "seekintimacy.com". Yeah, I would report those profiles every time.........and then weep a little :'-/ Honestly, I thought it would be hard to quit but thankfully Match.com turns off like every important feature the minute you no longer have a paying membership. Kinda cold turkey but it was what I needed. I need to turn off the email alerts to avoid any more dude-on-dude action.

Not that the chick-on-dude action is doing me any favors these days. So, I go out with my new found friend on Saturday. I rushed my friends through an Indiana Ice hockey game thinking I was going to have this awesome time with this girl. Like a 7 year old boy on Christmas morning opening a package of socks and underwear. You ever have a moment where you are in a room full of people and know you're entirely alone? Well, I have a lot of those and this was no worse except to add insult to injury she took off to go play a bowling arcade game and left me with her friends for about 30-40 mins before I used the pugs as an excuse to leave. It's not that I'm not a fun person or capable of enjoying a night out. Hell no it's not that at all. And I'm no "old fashioned" date-er. I'll hit it and get when the opportunity arises. Here I am trying to get to know this girl who apparently knows every bartender in the Indianapolis metro area, is divorced, drives a Lexus, and is on the other side of 30 years old, and she abandons me. Maybe she was expecting more of a "party boy" out of me. However, I know better than to shit where I eat. As a person, she didn't intimidate me at all. However, I've got better common sense then to screw over the hot girl with the guy friends that all wish they were boyfriends. Well, no loss as she had the personality of a bar towel. Good to be getting back in the game.

Note: I say this now but chances are she'll call me in a day or two and want to hang out and I'll be a puppy dog on a leash.......batshit crazy........just how I like them..................

Horseshoes and Handgrenades..............

2009-01-16T08:31:00.002-05:00

That's the only time close counts. They say history is doomed to repeat itself and I almost became a self-fulfilling prophecy yesterday. I came back from lunch after hearing that California was going, as a state, bankrupt and incited a political/financial conversation with my co-workers. I was making some points to a dumbass co-worker about the general state of the economy and how everyone in our company could be laid off any moment (ie nothing's secure). Not two minutes later, everyone was called into the conference room........well, everyone minus the three people that got laid off while I was at my lunch break. Before the Christmas break, we were informed that bonuses, raises and the Company party was cancelled directly due to the tank in the economy. As mad as that made me, I was starting to see the writing on the wall and basked in the consolation prize of still having a job. Yesterday, that became more than a consolation prize, it became the Grand Prize. I know its been almost two years since I got laid off from Actia and moved to Indy and started this blog but I'm still shell-shocked. I've been a rogue engineer for this company, doing whatever odd jobs necessary to justify my existence. I think a recent project I took on is the only reason I didn't make the list. Knock on wood. What makes matter's worse is that two of the people on the list have family's, one just had a new baby a few months back. I also found out through some connections that the list got shuffled around a few hours before being enacted. I know that my opinion doesn't matter but it sucks when people that are trying to make a difference get gone in place of those that bring the company down. Again, its only my opinion.
On a positive note, had a date with my new found friend the other night. The jury's still out but at least I'm getting back in the game.
It's going to be a long winter......................

The hunt is on.....

2009-01-12T12:10:00.002-05:00

I went out for a night on the town with some friends that I hadn't seen in a while this past Saturday. We went to an upscale bar in Broad Ripple that is for late 20s early 30s folks (ie plays music from the 90s that only we would know). I was out for a few hours dancing the night away when I decided to call it a night and go home. Well, it was still early, like 1am, and a pop-in to the Fox n Hound has never hurt me. So, I drop in and the place is kinda quiet. I grab a seat at the bar next to the Mega Touch video game machine. I order up a beer and decide to drop a few dollars in the Mega Touch. I'm playing some game that required my attention when this girl comes up to me and starts chatting like we're old college buddies and haven't seen each other in a couple weeks. Out of sheer curiosity, I play along and keep the conversation going. I also notice that another girl has flanked me on my left side and is chatting some bloke at the bar. Eventually, my game ends and my new friend wants to introduce me to her friend (on my left). Then, the first friend fucks off and leaves me with 2nd new friend. Turns out, these ladies saw me in the Hound on New Years day, watching the Rose Bowl, and the 2nd friend called "dibs" on me to all her girlfriends but I had left that day before she could talk to me. To make matters more awkward, this girl knew everybody in the bar so I had all kinds of eyes on me watching my every move. Strangely, even less awkward, we were playing the Penthouse Photo Hunt on the Mega Touch for like 1.5 hours. Really made for a crazy finish to the night. I think the moral of the story is to never pass up on a bar and always stay later than you originally planned so as to not miss out on a future "Mrs. Wrong" ;-) Yeah, this girl reminds me of a girl from my past but that's a story for another time.............

I swear I know you from somewhere...................

2008-12-16T23:56:00.006-05:00

Ever have one of those days........or week............or life where you wonder would anyone notice if you just stopped showing up? I'm the type of guy that wears headphones all day long to blot out the ambient bull in the office. Most people don't bother trying to talk to me unless its work related or its lunch time and they want me to drive. So, as I wander through my meek existence like that geeky-timid chick from "What Women Want", I sometimes wonder if anyone would even notice if I went missing. Due to a recent aggressive gym schedule, I didn't style my hair today cause there was no point. I got stopped by almost everyone in the office, asking me what's up with my hair. Apparently, I'm the "hair guy" and unless my do is up off my forehead, the day cannot go on. I was almost sent home to get my shit together. No gold star for me today :-(

Sooooooooooo...............I guess I've been a bit absent................awkward.......... Well, let's sum up the past couple of months. Did a little dance, forgot to make a little love, pretty much got down tonight. For real, October was okay. I had the daunting task of organizing my brother's girlfriend's birthday party so he could focus on proposing to her. She said "yes" but I sensed the hesitation ;-P No matta cause now I'm officially the "Last Man Standing"...........which is so sad that I weep whilst typing. Halloween was pretty cool also that month. November started good with Purdue making Michigan their collective bitch in football. I took some vay-kay and went to Balitmore to see the Notre Dame vs Navy game. We got rained on and some Navy fans took pity on us and shared their tailgate. I caught a cold and in an effort to get more vay-kay I worked myself to the bone and was sick the entire week of Thankgiving. You know they say "whiskey cures a cold".....well turns out it takes a whole fifth of Jack to make the "magic" happen ;-)

Well, now brings us to December. I've been taking more vay-kay but in my absence the "Powers that Be" at work decided the economy tanking is my fault and the entire office got denied an Xmas bonus, an Xmas party and a pay raise for next year. The beatings will continue until morale improves........... Actually, I took it upon myself to improve morale and organized a Xmas happy hour with my coworkers. We had a decent turn out and all agreed it was best that we did something as a company. Now, I'm one day away from the last day of work for me in 2008. I'm so excited.........I'm scared............

Saving the world........one gas cap at a time.......

2008-09-26T11:59:00.009-04:00

King me, baby......
So, I'm trying to leave Utah to get back to Hammond for my high school reunion when I'm called upon to save the day. Some lady at the gas station had twisted her locking gas cap on crooked and I had to call upon the power of my bulging biceps to wrestle it free ;-) I'm chillin' at the Grand Junction airport right now. Got to the airport 3 hours early just to be sure I get home for my reunion. I'm kinda looking forward to it. I hope everyone's grown up since high school. The jury's still out on that one.
So, this week was spent in lovely, middle-of-nowhere Moab, UT. On the road again with AM General to do some off-road testing. And to further my bleeding ulcer. We drove the long way from Denver, CO to Moab, UT and broke down like three times due to electrical issues. I got to drive an H1 for the last 3 hours of the trip. The portion that went up "suicide pass" through the Rocky Mountains. I found it hilarious how the portion of road with death valley to the immediate right was not equipped with a guard rail but the portion with a small run-off ditch was equipped. Luckily, there wasn't much traffic as an H1 is not the thinnest of vehicles.
We had a whole week of off-roading with data collection ahead of us. The team was expanded to include people that felt the desire to drive the test trucks. Think 10 Chiefs and 2 Indians. A cluster-fuck of massive proportions. I spent 2 hours configuring and testing a wireless setup on the first test day only to have Windows go brain-dead on me at the crucial moment. Then, two lunchboxes that I've worked with this whole time got on the CB radio and my personal cell to jump on my case about it. Mind you, our day was already delayed by everyone else in the group but when my turn came, it was a big deal. I'll admit that I'm tired and stressed from work lately but these asshats know that I run the data logger and we test when I'm ready. I was seriously considering renting a car and jumping on a plane and going home as I don't need this stress but I stuck through. Then, on day 2, amateur hour hit about high noon and we broke one truck severely. "Boys' and their toys" was my way of putting it. The original game plan was to not overly stress the trucks and just back down from any event that was proving difficult. Someone forgot to inform the driver as he destroyed a transfer case and rear differential. Good thing we were 2.5 miles from the park entrance. I did my part in helping out getting gear from the base station but I'm no mechanic so after a couple of stranded hours I caught a ride out of the park and back to my hotel room. They ended up abandoning the truck in the field as daylight ran out. On the way back to the base station, another newbie broke the transfer case on the test truck. Stuck in low gear 5 miles from the base station. Long, slow drive back with our blinkers on.
Yesterday, everyone took off without giving any clear direction to the data guys so we ended up doing a little number crunching and then wasting away at the hotel all day. I went for a run and hit the weight room. I caught a super-marathon on CSI-NY so that was good. In the evening, I was chilling with the semi-truck drivers and the rest of the data guys. The truck drivers cooked us dinner cause I bought lunch at a chinese buffet. When the guys finally got back to the hotel, the news was still bad and the trucks were still down. No matta to me cause I'm going home for the weekend and flying back out to Vegas to meet back up with them on Monday. However, now they may stay in Moab an extra day so that just gives me a vay-kay day in Vegas with my boy, Lenzo, on AM General's dime. Fine with me.
I guess I don't have much sympathy for them cause I've spent the whole summer working my butt off on that truck and the young engineers that are my friends don't show any respect for the work I do. I know sometimes they are just messing with me and I've got my heart on my sleeve. I'm just to the point where I have to say "I don't care" or go into cardiac arrest.
Anywho, below are some pics from the trip so far. I can't show any pics of the test truck as its a life in prison sentence and hefty fine. Enjoy.......................

BTFU!!!!

2008-09-13T00:49:00.004-04:00

Boiler Up, baby!!!! Last Saturday we kicked off the 2008 Boilermaker Season. I'm not going to lie.......it got a little nutty. Ankles were sprained.......sunburns acquired.........families re-united........and the Boilermakers kicked some arse!!!! Sure, Northern Colorado might be the equivalent of a high school football team but we sure handed them their collective butts. Kudos to Ben and Gennie for making kick-ass shis-ka-bobs. Kudos to me for beating everyone (ie myself) in flippy-cup. Kudos to the sun for burning our raw flesh. My shoulder is almost done with its "leprosy" phase and may return to 3rd degree burn in the next six months :-/ Good times at Purdue as always. I've got a cousin that just started school their, which means I've got a hook up for partying for the next 4+ years ;-) Naw, as my brother put it, we getting old. Not too old but old enough to not run with this college kids anymore.
As always, my weekend got cut a few hours short by work. I had to duck out early on Sunday (after I awoke from my alcohol coma) to get back to Indy to get a rental car to drive to my 2nd home (Detroit) for a meeting on Monday. Here's a bit of good advice, if you take a day off of work, don't check your work email. I was intending to be in Detroit only monday but because I checked my email on my day off (Friday), I was now committed to 3 days in the "D". Worse yet, the meeting on Monday justified me not needing to be there so I jumped over to AM General for a day on Tuesday and then had to juggle the new customer, AMG and an Aviation customer on Wednesday. I don't think I have a stomach lining anymore. Actually, sub-consciously, I've been clenching my jaw due to stress and my jaw is sore like a $3 street-walker. Anywho, so, back on the road again. Got home for a few days this week. Leaving tomorrow........on a jet plane.........don't know when I'll be back again..........well.......actually, I'll be back on Sunday but that ruins the point ;-) Fudge it, here's some photos.........enjoy...............

I'm baaaaaccccckkkkkkk.....................

2008-08-31T13:33:00.003-04:00

I apologize for my eventful absence but I've been on the road for a very, very long time. So, I'm going to attempt to rack my brain for the sordid details of the past three months and summarize.
Yesterday: Daddy finally got a new pair of shoes for his g-ride. Translation: I went to Discount Tire and finally got new tires. I was able to put this one off since March of this year as I was renting enough cars that I only needed to drive mine to the bars and back when in town. After that, I spent the evening with some friends at a Ribfest in downtown Indy and then did a little bowling and saw a comedy show. Mucho fun-o.

Friday: Was one of like three people at work. Took a long lunch with my old supervisor, Dan. Hit up the YMCA after work. Nothing like communal showers and a bunch of old dudes wandering around nakid. I've gotten smart about getting back in shape these days and have been taking advantage of spa time to keep the muscles relaxed. I caught "Pineapple Express" afterwards and then went to Fox n Hound for a nite cap. Funny, my old crew got fired except one guy so I don't know any bartenders. Or so I thought. One bartender looked a bit familiar. He used to bar-back back in the day and finally turned 21 so now he's the Man.

Last week: Sunday got in some good sun and booze at the pool. Made a couple of single serving friends and went to dinner with them at Fox n Hound. 1st time I've been back there since April. The old crew got fired so I don't have the hook-up over there anymore. Probably a good thing. I joined the YMCA through work on Monday. I put on about 10lbs drinking and stressing work all summer in Detroit. Got a 10 year High School reunion coming up. I'm going mainly to let everyone know I'm still alive. Plus, I figure I haven't done shit in the past ten years that would warrant my absence from a reunion.

Week before last: I spent the week at the Chrysler Proving Grounds in Chelsea, MI wiht AM General for work. I've been working too much lately and had a major brain breakdown. I was messing around with one of my friends from AMG and wrote "Kyle Sucks!!" in spray chalk on the ground. It was pretty funny but the project leader got a little upset. I went to wash it off and it turns out temporary spray chalk is more permanent than one would think. I bought a grill brush and got it cleaned up. Its good to get in a little trouble from time to time as it reminds one to behave. Work was good and productive that week. More than its been in a while. The project leader is kinda of scatter-brain and doesn't manage the project very well. He likes driving the truck more than doing his job in my opinion. Normally, I wouldn't care so long as I get my work done but this project has worn me thin so I'm burned out on patience.

Week before that: I had to go to Canada for work. I left from Detroit from AMG. My boys at AMG had messed up my rental car the friday before and luckily I put it back together before crossing the border. The patrol was doing a "blitz" on single passenger vehicles. I got searched and had to go through Customs. Work fucked me again and I show up to a customer with a software solution that had no chance in hell of working. Way to go Dan for setting that one up and then quiting. It really burns when people I have to rely on half-ass it. Canada was okay except they kept focusing on the Candian Olympians instead of the Americans like they should have. I heard a blip on the radio on my way back and Canada was claiming that American fast food will kill you and for Canadians to not immigrate over. Kool with me.

Week and a half before that: I had to go back to AM General to refurbish some of the equipment cause we're taking the truck on a three state tour of Colorad, Nevada and Utah in September. I was back with my AMG boys. I've become good friends with a few of them and get out in the evenings for general debauchery. At this point, I'd been on the road about three weeks straight so it was time to hit up a "gentlemen's club". Good old 8 mile. Its weird but Livonia, MI is starting to feel more like home than Indy. I need to get back and stay put for a bit, badly.

Week before that: My supervisor quit and left me with a bunch of work to do. I was hoping that the exhibit at the EAA show in Oshkosh, WI would be cancelled but instead work decided to that I was expendable and capable enough to run the show by myself. Yeah, big F-U Pi. I took the opportunity to make a pit stop on the way up to see my Goddaughter. She's getting big and adorable as ever. I think I have a face-melt picture I can insert here.

Oshkosh was okay. I'm not big into airplanes and was mostly doing work for AMG on my laptop the whole time. I told Pi that I'm in no way trying to be a sales engineer. My brother and uncle were able to come up and catch the show. We got to see the F-22 do its thing and some really cool warbirds with some pyrotechnics of C-4 and gasoline.

Week before that: I was finally back in Indy for a few days. Had to catch up with a lot of people. Work made me take two days off. Didn't matter, customers called my cell phone with shit for me to do. Got to get in some sun at the pool so that was good. Went to see Batman at an IMAX. That movie rocked!!! I was surprised to see that it was PG-13. Even without the blood and gore it was an awesome movie. I think the franchise is doing well without blood n guts. Its a shame Heath Ledger is dead. I swear hollywood actors need a frigging babysitter 24/7 to keep them alive.

Week before that: I went to Chippewa, South Bend, IN for some good old off-roading with AMG. I was piggy-backing this trip with a trip to Mid-Ohio to support an IRL race. I mis-calculated my travel time and had to drive 5 long hours after working all day with AMG to get to the middle-of-no-where Ohio. But I was supporting with my buddy, Neal, so I didn't mind it. It was a good race weekend and I elbowed Danica Patrick on accident in the boob area. My 15 seconds of fame. She's tiny in real life and walks around like a jerk. I'd still give her the time of day ;-)

Week before that: Spent more time at AMG working on the truck. My supervisor put in his 2 week's notice. I saw it coming. Pi is jerking new business individuals around so there's not much point in staying to sell shit that won't work outside of a race car. I'm going to hang in for a bit. Not cause I like Pi all that much but I want to be settled for a bit and I like Indy.

Okay, I've been writing and watching a movie for over an hour so I'm going claim a mental shutdown and end this post. I'll toss a bunch of random photos from the "Summer of George".....................

If not for bad luck I would have none...........

2008-06-15T22:54:00.006-04:00

Well, they finally did it.......they finally killed my car. So, in the on-going epic battle between Ford F150 and Toyota Corolla, another sacrifice has been made. I'm chilling at my friend's house last night for a house warming, having a good old time. One of her friends has to move his truck from a neighbor's parking spot. Lunchbag decides the best maneuver would be a loop-de-loop-hook-n-ladder in reverse at 25 mph in pitch black conditions. Luckily for me, an Indigo Pearlescent Corolla stands out on a small, dark street. I'm sitting outside and hear/see a red flash of a truck going down the street and then a loud impact followed by a car alarm. I didn't have to get up to know it was my car. My car that I just paid off last month (ink is still wet on the title). So, I go shut off my alarm and assess the damage. The driver was a friend of my friend and I had just met him that day. He knew he'd focked up bad. I didn't think he was drunk but had made a bad decision to drive a monster truck in reverse down the street at 1am. Well, the neighbors start pouring out and what not, gotta make a scene. Strangely enough, I wasn't mad. The driver was kool and nothing was going to reverse the damage. I wasn't drunk or anything, I was just mellow. I guess I knew it was going to happen sooner or later since I paid off the car. I also think what kept me cool was that I had other things to worry about, like the work trip to Detroit this week and two little pugs in my apartment that needed me to get back to them and not go to jail for a stupid reason. The driver and I got together and he said he wasn't drunk and it was ok to call the cops. His friend wanted to wait a while to let him get some coffee in him or something. I was ok with waiting an hour or so but not much longer as I didn't want to mess up any insurance bullshit. So, the driver said to go ahead and get the police and a flat bed out there so I did. Well, the cops smelled booze on the driver and he blew a 0.094 b.a.c. The cops were cool about it and took him to the station but took their sweet time so he could sober up b/c if he passed the breathalyzer at the station then he'd be let free. It didn't matter to me as I had no ill-will against the guy, again I was in some kind of zone. So, the cops get me a flat bed to get my car out of there and Ashley said I could stay the night. I gathered some of my personal stuff out of my car and turned off the alarm. I was heading back towards the party as the cops were taking the driver away and his buddy comes up to me and tells me I best get walking to wherever it is I got to go. This douchebag (in the white t-shirt in the pics above) was picking fights with people all night long and now it was my turn. I reminded him that it wasn't his house and he reminded me that he didn't care. I told him I was sorry bout his friend but his friend also told me to call the cops so it wasn't my problem. He tried acusing me of telling the cops some bullshit even though I didn't say two words about the accident to the cops and only had to tell them what to do with my car. Again, I wasn't looking for trouble this night as I had a lot of responsibilities to get back to and now had to deal with getting my car taken care of so I told the douchebag "whatever" and went to find Ashley. Well, in the chaos her dog had run off and she was too pre-occupied to help me out with douchebag. I asked the neighbors about getting me a cab so I could get back to my house, a good 30 miles away, and one of the young dudes offered to drive me back. They were some cool guys that that douchebag tried picking a fight with earlier so they had sympathy for me. As I get ready to leave I realize that I left my apartment keys in my car cupholder. The hits keep on coming. I had the fella drive me to the hotel around the corner from my apartment so that I would at least be close in the morning to get to the pugs. I checked in and immediately called my insurance to see what it was I should be doing regarding my car. Got my claim filed and what not but its going to be difficult as I'm out of town all week for work. So, I try to get some sleep and wake up early to walk to my apartment main office to get the master keys for my apartment only to find out that they don't open till noon on sundays. Beautiful. Well, I still needed to rent a car and the Avis was only open from 9am-Noon. I tried to call everyone I knew in the local area only to realize I really don't have that many friends or people I can count on. So, my options were a 2.5 mile walk or a taxi cab. 4-1-1 screwed me over and gave me some bunk cab numbers so I called my friends in Avon cause I knew they'd be awake at 9:30am. They gave me some cab numbers that didn't pan out but my co-worker returned my call and saved my ass. I got a rental and got back to my apartment to a couple of pugs that were extremely happy to see me for potty-time. Ashley got back to me later this morning and the driver didn't get a DUI, which I was happy about b/c accidents happen. It does suck that I might have to get a new car as I was so excited about not having car payments for at least a couple of years. Hopefully, insurance decides to fix the car as it looks mostly like body damage since the truck bumper is much higher than my engine. There wasn't any leaking fluids so that was a good sign.

Anywho, life's been a bit stressful and shitty lately. When it rains, it pours..................

Rock The Vote!!!!

2008-05-06T07:12:00.001-04:00

Obama in 2008!!!!! Get out and rock the vote, my people!!!!

Got anything to declare...............

2008-02-10T14:30:00.000-05:00

If I knew the Canadian national anthem then I'd be singing it right now. As you can guess the strip club trip went swimmingly last night. Got a free shuttle there and back. Canada serves absinthe so I got to experiment with the green fairy drink but didn't see any fairies. Did two shots with the whole burning sugar cube deal-io. It was very much like rumplemintz. Anywho, it was fun experience that was topped off with this dancer crushing on me all night. She spied me on my way in and called dibs on me all night. I know they put on a bit of a show but she was digging me hard and I was enjoying the attention.

So, I woke up late and almost didn't check out in time. Then, they tried bending me over and charging me a $100 for a miscellaneous cigarette burn in my smoking room. I got that shit revoked cause I didn't burn anything. It was freezing cold out so I figured I'd just get the heck outta Canada and get back to the US. Well, I was thirty cents short of the toll so I had to pull more Canadian out when I had intentionally spent it all the night before so I wouldn't leave with any. Then, some random girl tried getting me to give her a lift cause she was freezing. I had to deny her cause it was my company car and didn't want to get into trouble with it. So, I finally get to the border patrol and just the same on my way in, the hottest border patrol I'll ever meet was raggin'. Maybe its just me. Maybe I just have a suspicious look to me. She was having trouble comprehending that I went to Canada for the weekend cause I was in Detroit for work. The worse part is that they ask so many questions that you begin to believe you've done something wrong and are just waiting to be caught. She really shook me up. I know they have a job to do but they could be more personable. I'm glad that my stupid side didn't take over cause now that I think about it, I could have had my company car impounded or destroyed and been tossed in jail.

Well, Canada, I'll see you around. Yeah, I'll be sure to write..........................

Oh, Canada............

2008-02-09T14:45:00.000-05:00

Here, I sit, with my Havana Cuban cigar to my left and my Alexander Keith's Red Amber Ale to my right. God bless Canada. So, how did I find myself in the land of Canucks? Well, work finally sent me to Detroit for a installation on an AM General truck and the schedule kept slipping so I didn't get to MI till Thursday afternoon and have to be here next week as well. So, I figure why drive the 5 hours back to Indy when Canada is 22 minutes away. Last time I was here was in 2002 for NYE. And to be completely honest, I missed out on going to a strip club that year so here I am to avenge myself and get my "International Strip Clubber" stamp in my passport.

However, every journey has to start off with setbacks. As I've only driven to Canada once before, I was uwaware of the status quo for getting into the country. Well, being myself as always, I was texting my peps (ie the only two people that care enough to keep in contact with me) and I missed out on a stop sign at the border gate. Well, apparently, Lil Miss Border Patrol was on a six-month rag cause she was all kinds of shitty with me. It began with the typical "what about that stop sign did you not understand?" and follows up with a knockout punch of "see how all the other cars are stoppped?". I felt that she then added a ton of attitude to all of the required questions. As I already felt like an ass for missing the stop sign and a bit of a victim as it was an honest mistake, I just played bitch and tried to answer her questions with sincerity. Of course she didn't lay off. I'd like to say that this story ends with me going to the clink for missing a stop sign but I was too focused on getting in to the country. I didn't even have a hotel room booked but had a game plan and a TomTom so all was good. Got a room in downtown Windsor on "Party Alley". There's two massage parlors across the street that I might inquire about later ;-)

I went out clubbing last night. Its funny to see everyone get excited about celebrating a 19th birthday as opposed to a 21st. I'll give it to these Candian girls. They don't feel the cold. These ladies were out in short dresses and open toes all night. I'll give it to the Candian boys as well cause they all dress like frat fags so it only makes me look better ;-) Also, what's the deal with all of the Lebanese in Canada? I swear I saw a female suicide bomber at Wal-Mart. Anywho, I was getting my drink on last night and it was a crazy corona festival in Windsor. I get a quart Corona for $5 and forgot that Canada uses $1 coins and looked like a baller by giving the beer tub bitch a $5 tip in coin. However, I made amends by buying two more beers and not tipping ;-) I eneded the night at a dead bar attached to my hotel where in a drunken fashion I tried to use sleight-of-hand to steal a cool looking shot glass and almost got caught. Marvelous ;-)

Well, tonight's the night so I'll let ya'll know how it goes. If I don't post tomorrow then I got sold into the forced sex industry and am having a good time. Think fondly of me during the holidays.......................

2008......you are my bitch.......

2008-01-19T13:07:00.000-05:00

Wait, no, strike that and reverse it. I ended 2007 by sacrificing the "Glass Man" and victoriously drinking champagne from his dismembered head.

Wait, there I go again, skipping the beauty of life and going to drinking victoriously from my foe's heads. It's a GIRL!!!!!

And no, its not mine. Its my sister's. And again, NO, it's not mine. Nathalia Hayden Mittlestaedt was brought into this world in the early hours of the last day of the year, 5:43am December 31st 2007. Its was a wild ride. I drove from Indianapolis at half-time of the Colts game and hung out in a waiting room for six hours. Good times.

Back to 2008........... I suffered a parasitic infection in the begining of the year.

Medical science could not help me. I attempted to see eye to eye with the ailment but failed.

And was rightly punished.........

They're adorable when well fed and given lots of attention. I volunteered to watch my sister's pugs while she was recovering from child birth. The furry little bastards left a paw print on my heart. I miss them but not the task of walking them in the freezing weather ;-)

Anywho, enough of the pity party. This year is the big year for the High School Reunion. Ten years. Ten long years. I'm going to go but not for any satisfactorial reason. I know I haven't done much with my life, other than survive, so I guess I'll just go see who else has survived. And pour out a little liquor to those that didn't.

Well, any resolutions for 2008? Fuck no!!! Why make promises you know you'll break in a month? Kinda like "till death do us part". Ouch that was probably a bit over the top but fudge it. Things to do in 2008: drink less, love more, pay off debt, go postal at work, and............invent a sandwich.........

Money-money-money........MONEY!!!!..................

2007-12-18T13:08:00.000-05:00

Britney Spears said it best, "Gimme More", and that's my story. Got a Christmas bonus today so Tiny Tim can get those new "magic" legs that Forrest Gump sponsors. Actually, I'm heading to Vegas in two days so I'll probably blow it all on strippers and beer. Yup, Bachelor Party part 2 is coming up. Part 1 was a ton of fun, from what I can remember. Ol' Mother Nature almost put da kalbosch on the festivities as the Mother of All December Shit-Storms decended on the region. Luckily, my boy drives a turbo-charged 1/2 ton dually. That's just giving Mother Nature the ol' stink-eye. However, she got me back as I broke my out-of-shape back shoveling snow for the Entertainers. All gave some........some gave all ;-) I am the Rambo of Bachelor Parties. Well, in other news, due to the arrival of a Crimbo Bonus, there will be gifts under the tree for all my loved ones at the Miller Lite Brewing Company..........j/k. You know what the best part of buying Xmas gifts is? Realizing that you're totally saving money on not having a significant other to buy for. You know what the worst part of buying Xmas gifts is? Realizing you don't have a significant other :-( Honestly, I bet that's why egg nog has an alcohol content. Drink away the pain and still keep the xmas spirit.........................

Aunt Flow's visit..............

2007-12-12T09:40:00.000-05:00

Well, time for my monthly post. I'm sorry for being so delinquent. My home computer was being gay with an Internet Explorer add-on that was hijacking my shit. I'm virus free for the new year :-D
Anywho, so, what's happening? Well, same old same old with a dash of bitters. Work almost sabotaged my Thanksgiving and ruined my Black Wednesday. I'm very much looking forward to quiting this job. Not a good attitude to have but I'm on the back end of a sixty day bender so I really don't care. Got some up coming events that should be blog worthy. Got a company Xmas party this Friday, a bachelor party this saturday and a continuation of said bachelor party in Vegas next week. Then, there's the holidays. I am looking forward to the immediate future as I'm pug-sitting for my pregnant sister so I'll have a couple of hellions running my life. Honestly, I'm looking forward to the company. Its not that I haven't been getting out and about lately but I need a reason to stay in and relax, other than a severe hangover.
Anyhow, the downward spiral continues and again my apologies for not blogging lately. I'll put it in my new year's resolutions ;-)...............................

Back by unpopular demand..............

2007-11-12T17:21:00.000-05:00

Well, I've been called out for not posting enough. Believe me, its not that I haven't had the content, just not the time. So, let's get a quick recap, Purdue football is blowing goats, my bro threw a killer halloween party, work is getting quirky and I just got back from Mexico City (see pics below). The love life is still non-existent. The apartment is still unpacked. Things left unsaid are.........um........unsaid. I think this post shall be a rant of epic proportions. You know my m.o., begin at the beginning and end at the end.

This football season's been fun. I made it to breakfast club a couple of times and it was great. Got some good pics and what not. Got a girl's number but couldn't remember our conversation from breakfast club.......awkward. Although, in my defense, starting drinking at 7:30am is not exactly a receipe for memory retention. Anywho, my uncle came out to one and had a blasty and couldn't stop talking about it. Good times. As for Purdue football, they need to pull their collective head out of their bums and play some football. BTFU!!!!!!!

I'm not going to lie, but writing is extremely hard today as I'm exhausted. But, the show must go on. So, my bro threw a halloween party after halloween which was perfect cause all costumes were half off the day after. I went as a giant condom wrapper. As always, we played beer pong until Rocky was beyond hope. Why is it that people who don't drink like to play and are always my partner so I have to get wasted. It was a good time. Oh, side note, I went to the Pacers game the night before and it too was fun. I saw Shaq and Larry Bird from a distance.

Work is getting nutso. A few people quit and management is all shifted all over. I went on a support trip with a co-worker that has a very lazy attitude and it was a disaster. Not for the customer cause I would never allow that to happen. I was so stressed by the end of it that I was ready to quit. I tried talking to my bro about it and he pointed out that I always have a problem with my co-workers and maybe its "me" not "them". I've thought a lot about it and he's loco. I'm sorry but when someone is supposed to be helping and instead remind you that they're leaving the trip early and half-ass it the whole time, it makes me homicidal. Luckily, I just went on another support trip with a co-worker that knows how to pull weight and it was a complete success and revitalized my work outlook. We'll get into that a bit later. I've just been getting pulled in a million directions at work at it makes me feel like I'm not doing my job. My boss, Dan, has been acting funny lately as well and its just not a good combo for me as I'm already a mess. He's hot and cold like day and night. Some days he's cool with me, other's he makes me feel like I'm worthless. Unfortunately, I look for his approval constantly. I know he has a lot going on with work and just getting married. Actually, the whole situation got me to start taking the only other single guy, Neal, out to hangout lately. Which is good b/c he's good people and has a lot of knowledge about the inter-workings of my office. Still, its just a pain at work lately. Even worse so, I'm getting better at my job and the better I get the more I'm mad at my co-workers for their lackluster approach to helping me understand the fundamentals of the product. Believe me, I'm not Superman at work but I know when to hit the grindstone and make life easier for everyone else. I know that everyone has differing work habits and I really need to start accepting that fact. I usually do so long as it doesn't affect my work directly. When it does, I'm not the nicest person (yikes!).

So, I had a bad match.com experience recently. This chick that doesn't have a clue was freaking me out by trying to figure out where I lived when I didn't know jack about her. She didn't even have pics posted on her profile so that made it worse. Honestly, she was wacko. If I had been a chick and her a dude, I probably would've reported her to match.com and been very upset. I was honestly thinking of carrying my piece to and from work just in case. I've almost been ready to give up on match.com. My mate, Neal, is also a member and as we've been hanging out more lately, we've been bouncing match business off each other, which is chicken soup for my soul. I've been sending out a bunch of emails to members and haven't gotten much of a response so that's been a bit of a disappointment. Can't rush love, right? Right????

So, I just got back from Mexico City where I was the Mexican that can't speak Spanish. Fun times, jerks. It was cool though cause I was supporting the last Champ Car race of the season with Neal. Like I said, I had to rebound from that last support trip. Neal's the head support engineer for Champ Car so he was all business and I was able to help out. I needed that confidence booster for work. Mexico City is a trip. I will never understand the traffic patterns. However, my limited exposure to Spanish did apply. We were able to try new restaurants every night. Even when the menu was entirely in Spanish, we were able to roll the dice and not have any food poisoning incidents. Actually, I was quite pleased with my ability to function in a foreign country with a language barrier. However, I was very happy to get home and get some good old Burger King ;-)

Supporting Champ Car was not easy, physically. As it was the last race of the season, there wasn't too many equipment problems. However, walking pit lane all day took a toll on me. Getting old I guess. There were many perks though. Champ Car Girls, Grid Girls and celebrities. I was inches from Frankie Muniz (Malcom in the Middle) and Paul Newman. Oh, side note, I was inches away from Ben Stein on my way out of Indy last Wednesday. He saw that I recognized him and he gave me a smile so I left him alone. He's much shorter in person than I imagined. Anywho, I was glad to get home. I was tired of saying "no español" everytime it was assumed I spoke Spanish. Plus, I was glad to drink beer instead of water but was tired of only drinking bottled drinks and no ice to avoid disease. See the funny, in my opinion, below about the hooker and the elevator and the Patriot's fan. http://www.faceofchampcar.com/

Well, the holiday season is upon us. Suicide season as usually. I've been thinking I should revise my match.com profile to ensure that no one wants a holiday date to avoid loneliness.........although, that's assuming someone would want to date me :-/ Anywho, random photos below. I promise to try to make more of an effort to my blog in the upcoming months. Thanks for reading................

"Oh, and Malcom in the Middle is much smaller in person. That's right, wenches, Frankie Muniz is a driver for the Formula Atlantics series which feeds into Champ Car. He was in the pit stand for the Pacific Coast Motorsports team. He hopes to race Champ Car next year. I thought I recognized him yesterday but he shaved the side of his head really weird and he's got a bad case of acne so I wasn't sure. Neal confirmed it today but I didn't bother him. He did walk right past my left shoulder and the top of his head barely reach my massive shoulder. Call me pathetic but I wasn't going to try for a pic or autograph cause I'm just not that impressed by most people. Also, as Ben will attest, I flew out of Indy on the same flight as Ben Stein on Wednesday. Actually, he was in the line next to me at American Airlines to get boarding passes. He saw I recognized him and smiled in my direction and I left him alone as well. Funny story, he was in line for the 1st class tickets and I was not and I got served before him ;-) As I boarded he was sitting in first class in the isle seat. Again, I didn't bother him cause I'm a dick in most ways, just not that way ;-) Oh and to top it off, a cute chick just winked at me as I got on the elevator. i wish i knew spanish :-/Oh, even funnier story, Neal and I find this classy looking restaurant for dinner and no one there speaks a lick of spanish. Luckily, I have mucho conjoes and a sense of reckless abandonment. We sit down, order our cervezas and stare at the all spanish menu. I repeatedly explained we speak English and the waiter had nothing for us. We order some "arracheras" or something that I thought looked familiar. True, we could've went with fajitas but bunk dat. honestly, my spanish resides from grandma going to the mexican grocery store and me finding out what we are eating. Turns out, we get these awesome flank steaks. I ordered poblano cause I was pretty sure that was "pepper" and I get a green pepper steak. Delicious. Well, the bill comes and I toss 'em my Pi credit card. Well, this guy, who was not our waiter, returns with my bill.........and pardon my english, speaking perfect fucking english!!!!!!!!! *charlie brown time* AAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Where was dill-hole when Neal and I wanted to order food. The restaurant's credit card machine was broke. The bill was 428 pesos (ie $42). As I found out from Raul today, the farther away from the border the city, the less likely they are to take greenbacks. So, quite the pickle. Homeboy was happy to point out the nearest ATM, 3 blocks away, and let Neal and I leave the restaurant on the "honor system" to get cash from an ATM (which is only in spanish, YIKES!). Luckily for that restaurant, I've taxed my soul enough at this point in my life. We found a closer ATM and I went back and tossed them 450 pesos. Funnier so, Homeboy asked us where we were from and I said "Indianapolis" to which he responded "Go Pats!" for the Colts loss last Sunday. Only in El Mexico!!!! Oh, not all is fun and games, I busted my ass all day at the track and earned my din-din and cervezas. Oh, and I almost bought non-alcoholic beer from the store on the way back and the clerk, who knew i didn't know any spanish, sensed my liver and pointed out my error so i could go back and get some real cerveza (Tecate). Life probably gets better than this........but..........hahahahahahahaha...........I'm having fun ;-) "

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh............................

2007-10-13T18:41:00.001-04:00

Capital F to the U to the C to the big K. I've been marooned again. This time in Wichita of all places. I'm just mad cause I'm bored as hell. I could seriously scream my pathetic lungs out right now in the terminal just to see what happens. Ey-yi-yi, life just sucks. I get outta work early after getting my ass handed to me for a couple of hours only to leave the main airport bar cause of this really creepy guy that I didn't want to have to deal with only to find the next bar closes early cause Wichita is so small and po-dunk that they close their airport early on Saturdays. I swear if it wasn't for the free internet connection then I'd go insane. I'm just tired and stressed and fucking lonely. I am excited to go to Denver for the night and be "that guy" that has a 12 hour layover and gets a room for the night and goes to the seedy strip bar by the airport :-D Actually, I am pretty tired so I may just get a jacuzzi suite and plenty of booze and chill for the night. I have to be back at the airport at 5am so I'm not going to the LoDo for the night. I need to get back to Indy cause I'm supposed to be in a go-kart pit crew tomorrow. I'm the "Jack Man". I get to lift the back of the kart so the "Lube Man" can lube the chain. I may burn my face off in a horrible twist of fate ;-)
Anwho, the work trip happened at 4:58pm on Thursday and I left Indy at like 6am Friday so life's been shitty in that manner. I'm just super stressed cause I'm no ARINC 429 expert and have been getting my ass handed to me by people that should know more about it than me. I don't mind too much cause I'm like the ARINC-Deity now. Yes, I may bitchslap you in ways you didn't know possible. But still stressed..........so very stressed...................oh and to top it off, my virginal brother is getting more ass than me and he likes to brag about it :-/ Naw, you know I'm not that petty. Hats off to those taking their tops off ;-) Like I said the other day, I'm just bored.........so very bored.......................

Very bad indeed...............superBad.................

2007-10-11T09:16:00.000-04:00

I woke up to the book of revelations written on my arm in eyeliner and blue pen. Thank God they don't tattoo you if you're drunk. Thank God for Chick-fil-A. Well, that was an interesting night. To say the least. I ended up putting my O.A.R. concert dvd on the tele and jamming until the wee hours of the night. Although I should've just called in sick, I'm at work and do not want to be. Actually, when do I ever want to be...............................

just a hint...........

2007-10-10T22:37:00.000-04:00

going to be a very.............very...................bad.............night......................c u in da moring............

me homer? you marge?

2007-10-10T22:03:00.001-04:00

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...................did i ever tell you about the time I beat Nuclear security????????????? policy is that if you smell/reek of alcohol, then "for cause" testing immediately with revoke of unescorted access. well, 1 day I walk into the main gate house and had just popped a Listerene breathe strip to avoid offensive breathe due to the smoke I had on the drive in................a very important supervisor stopped me and a union fuckbag b/c he had smelled "alcohol" between da both of us on the way in....................too funny.............Me, being the brains of the operation ;-) quickly whipped out my pack of breath strips to prove to the undergraduate class of 1979 that me and douchebag were not in fact drunk but victims of a poor ploy to catch Al-Quida (sp?) hahahahahahahaha (ie bin ladin).....(ie alladin)......;-)
anywho, fock me.........fock you.......fock everyone..........pass da bottle..................

shiraz.....shiraz.......sherry..........

2007-10-10T21:44:00.000-04:00

hahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahhaahhahahah.........................perhaps I am drunk..............perhaps I am not.................."She's The Man" might quite possibly be the funniest movie this decade.................perhaps not...........hahahahahahahahahaha.........................Yes, I have decided that my mind is no longer my own. Up is down..........Left is right..............Wrong is Wrong.........but................[yellow tail] Shiraz is delicious........................... ;-)

I fought the law and the law won................

2007-10-09T19:40:00.000-04:00

Yup, I've finally drank myself stupid. I'm heading home after a long day of work and got diverted by some cops cause of a prior accident on "dead man's curve" on my way home. I needed new shoes so I stopped by Kohl's to check out the scene. Nuffin for me so I go to head to Shoe Carnival for a real deal. Well, as I carefully exit the parking lot, a two-fer happened. One, some dipshit was taking his sweet ass time coming down the main isle and Two, I had a brain fart. I decided to get out in front of the slow moving truck. Well, unfortunately, my light-weight front-wheel drive car likes to squeal tires in such a situation. Usually, I enjoy sounding like a BAMF! but today I heard someone yell out "Hey", to which I ignored and kept on going. Well, the Marion County officer caught up to me at the next red stop light. Unfortunately, the brain fart was still pending and I have been extremely bored with life in general these days. As I pulled over and prepared to face the officer, I decided I'm not going down without a fight. I was going to stand up for all of us regular joes that get a bad name from assholes that fuck-up like its their job. So, as the officer starts yelling, I start defending my position and explaining the physics of a Toyota Corolla. I remain in an exasperated tone the whole time as the cop keeps heating up. Yeah, no pity party for me. He drops out the ultimate attitude adjuster, "You wanna go to jail?!?!?!?!". I'm not going to even lie, I almost said "yes" just to break the monotony of my day. Instead, I turned into bitch-mode and apologized for everything and agreed with everything the big bad man had to say. Eventually, he did explain that he just came from the accident at Dead Man's Corner where a lady tailgating another car lost control and ran over the lawnmower guy. So, I did understand the copper's position that he'd seen enough today but still, I was in the mood for some jail time. He took my License and Registration back to his car for like two seconds, calmed down and then came back and in a copper way, validated that maybe I wasn't driving recklessly and had made a poor decision in the parking lot that was not worth jail time. Then, he opened his heart to me and explained how tired he was of the traffic-time shift cause of all the accidents he had to deal with and he was switching to third shift. Still, I remained in bitch-mode and gave him all the empathy and sympathy I could without physically handing over my testicles. I took my sweet time getting to the 'Carnival to get new work shoes and then some White Castles for din-din. Eh, rock bottom has never felt so much like home.................................

Oh, your parents would be so proud..........

2007-09-24T22:39:00.000-04:00

Well, don't really feel like typing but got some interesting photos from breakfast club for the Purdue vs Central Michigan. It was a crazy morning (cause yes, that's how we do it in West Lafayette). Some dude tried claiming he was more "emo" than me to which I flashed him the spike studded bracelet on my left wrist that was going to be upside his head and he bowed the fuck down!!! BOILER UP!!!!!

So sad, what alcohol does on to the youth of today.............

Long over due..............

2007-09-14T22:22:00.001-04:00

Well, sorry for the delay, readers. Life's been trippy, hombre. So much to tell, so very few keystrokes. Where to begin? I got back from the UK in one piece. You'll have to contact me or find me in person for the stories. I got back in time for my boy's father to pass on to a better place. God speed, Mr. Marcisz. Unfortunately, I was not able to make the funeral cause work was sending me off again. It wasn't work's fault, there was shit to do and I am expendable. They hooked me up and allowed me to leave early for Cali so that I could visit my boy, Lenzo, in Vegas. Now before you assume the worse, I wasn't going to Vegas for Vegas, I was going for some chicken soup for the soul. Lenzo and I had a great afternoon the day I left. Reminsing on old time, high school times. It was just great to have someone that knows me so well to talk to. He's been a second brother to me since he became friends with my brother, Ben. Its the little things that makes life tolerable. Ya know?
The traveling, well welcomed, has been taking its toll on me. Shit, I haven't seen the inside of a gym in like five weeks. Been drinking every night. Not out of spite but out of nothing better to do. As I left for yet another work trip, found out that my old high school friend that I haven't spoken to in a while took her own life. I don't know why, not that it matters, but just another brick in the wall. I really don't feel sad and could almost understand why. Fuck me for honesty, but sometimes this life is just harder than it has to be. All that goodwill talk about grass is green and better days, well that adds up to about jack shit most of the time. God speed, Jen Lunsford. May the good Lord take you into his good grace despite any fault.
So, work has been work. I've done my best to still hang with friends that I've made in Indy. Even that's been hard. Yes, it has made me wonder if maybe I need a different job. Nope, I just got to do what I'se gots to do. I found out today from my supervisor that the new VP appreciates me very much and likes me as a person. Good vibe. I also found out in the UK that I'm being taxed so much cause my supervisor doesn't want to do what I was hired to do. It was a bit disheartening cause I thought it would be me and him against the world..........as always, its me against the world. Same old same old. I can take it............I think.........I hope. I have been having some good times in Indy so not all is bleak. Its just hard sometimes trying to establish a life when I'm gone so much. Again, maybe its just what I have to do to get to better times. Or not. I know I'll figure it out.
Funny story, I got hazed in the UK :-D My boy, Dan, had an old photo of me from a Purdue breakfast club where I was cross dressing as a female and the guys in the UK made a "Wanted Dead or Alive" poster of it. Too funny.
Well, I guess there's more to tell but I don't really feel like it. Wait a minute, another good story. I had a support trip when I was in the UK and afterwards I was mending the long day at a pub when the Mexican in me came out and I g-ed (ie stole) an imperial pint glass to bring back to the UK. Then, I get back and Dan wanted to organized a scavenger hunt in a couple weeks. Well, I kept practicing and ganked an ash tray and pen from Fox n Hound. Again, the Mexican in me ;-) Hey, its all in fun and games. I had to sneak the ash tray out in the crack of my ass practically!!!!
Eh, life is what it is...................

How'd you hurt that hamstring? Nam..........

2007-08-24T17:01:00.000-04:00

My life is pretty much mostly about new beginnings and trying new things and not missing out on anything. Well, I decided to finally get a massage. I'm at the Eaglewood Resort & Spa for my buddy's wedding. I was at the pool which is next to the spa and got to thinking that I should just do it already. That and maybe it'll relax me so I can get some fuckin' sleep already. I tell you it was a truely remarkable experience. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to get too much tranquil time in before the massage cause I had to go to my room to get my credit card and some jackass was holding up the elevator and then I had to change and what not. But once I got under the skillful hands of this Ukranian or Romanian lady, I was butter. I've been having this pain in my rhombizodial muscle and I know she found it cause she paid attention to that spot and asked me questions and what not. Sadly, no happy ending but that's okay too. Although it was nice to have a female touching me. If it had been a dude then I might be telling this story in a different light :-/
Anywho, almost time for wedding rehersal and a steak dinner. Yup, its official, I'm the last man standing. Another one bites the dust and I continue on. Foot steps in the sand...........................

I'm like this big bear with these big f-ing claws and I don't know how to kill the little bunny rabbit..............

2007-08-24T13:17:00.000-04:00

I love being me. So, we have this ice cream social at the office building for all the companies that share the building, sponsored by the building owner. Well, I lead my band of merry men downstairs for some good ol' ice cream. There's a real estate company on the 1st floor that is composed mostly of women. Yeah, the whole event was like an 8th grade dance. Girls on one side and boys on the other. So, the older ladies send over their youngest female employee to break the ice. Man, it was a sight to see. We didn't even speak to her like she was human. Everyone was tripping over their tongues to talk and there was plenty of foot-in-mouth disease going around. Apparently, I was the most embarassing cause I told her that we were D.A.G.s (data acquisitions guys/geek), which is a term the race world uses and I didn't know that it was derogatory towards the employees. So, after the embarassingly awkward interlude, we go upstairs and I get harangued mercilessly by my co-workers. I had fat dudes telling me they could get a chick better than me. I threw down the gauntlet and said "f-it, let's go to a bar right now", its 3pm in the afternoon :-/ Some of us had already planned on going to happy hour and Dan had gotten this girl, Kelly, business card so without telling anyone, I email her and invite her to happy hour. She accepts and I still keep it to myself. Dan, Jeremy and I go to Fox n Hound and I still keep it inside. When Kelly walked in, Dan's mouth hit the floor!!!! I got a text today from the fat guy giving me props. I've been giggling about it all day. Too hilarious. Yeah, Kelly's okay but she's got a man and what not and I don't think she's in to me or vice versa. The guys in the office did get a laugh over her business card b/c its got a glamour shot of her on it. Seriously, she doesn't look half as hot in person. Weird. Anywho, the good news is that the Stiffmeister still has the proveribal "it"......................

I'm a riot? You're a fucking riot!!!!! Get it..............

2007-08-24T13:11:00.000-04:00

Okay, this shit is long overdue. Eye-yi-yi, where to begin? Last Thursday rocked hanging with Travis in Broad Ripple. Didn’t stay out late cause had to work on Friday but got caught up on his awesome honeymoon details. I need to get married already just for the honeymoon part. Oh, and the Miller Chill girls were out an about so I got a ton of free fake tats and a t-shirt. Travis, Jeff and I made plans to meet up again on Friday in Broad Ripple. Work was same old same old and my buddy, Dan, expressed interest in grabbing a beer that night. So, I figure the more the merrier. By the time everyone came out we had a small table rockin’ with like seven peps at the Broad Ripple Tavern (BRT). It was an awesome night. Couple of Irish Carbombs and good stories told all around. We met up at like 8pm, around 11pm the Hotties came out. My buddy, Neal, and I are the last people at Pi that are single so Dan busts our chops so the married folk can live vicariously through us :-D He was disappointed on Monday cause I didn’t make Neal, a shy Brit, talk to any girls but I’m just not that guy. I let others get into their own mess cause I’m too busy rollin’ in mine.
So, the night ends well and I figure that was the high point of my weekend. Hmmm………nope. I wake up torn on Saturday and just kinda lie around watching tv and nursing my hangover. I was supposed to go to a Highlife club interview but I don’t need to interview or pay for friends so I say “fuck shoes!!!!” (if you know anything about Dane Cook and his history with shoes then you’ll understand). Well, I was expecting Highlife to call me all preachy and bitchy for missing my interview so when I got a phone call from a strange area code, I had no trouble ignoring it. That was until the same number called my work phone. My buddy Cory was trying to get ahold of me and my bro hooked him up with my work number. Good thing cause Cory had an extra ticket to Dave Mathews’ concert. Awesomeness just tossed in my lap. So, I pull myself together and meet up with Cory and his friend to go to the Verizon Wireless ampitheater. The weather is awesome, got the faux hawk rockin’ and am ready to groove. Well, Dave was in town the night before so the parking lot was quite interesting. The remains of the day were used condoms and broken beer bottles everywhere. Very nice. Glad I was wearing my Docs and not flip flops like the rest of the hippies. Oh, yeah, the fuckin’ hippies. I thought they got suppressed during the 80s but apparently not. This one guy was flailing about like an idiot, and was probably stone sober just retarded. Anywho, more importantly, the line for the bathroom was a breakdown in civilization. I’m talking just madness. Fights breaking out left and right, chicks trying to sneak into the men’s stalls cause their line was horrendous (we booed them out though). All in all, it was madness, but I was able to get my drunk on and not get into any fights and get home safely. That’s all that mattered. Dave was good but I haven’t listened to his music in so long that I didn’t recognize any of the songs…..well that and I was shitfaced drunk. I got to the point where I contemplated hurdling myself down the lawn to see how many people I could knock down with my limp body. The only thing stopping me was reliving the image of the girl that puked her brains out in an empty beer cup and then spilled the cup on the lawn. Very gross. I was pretty sure that the cure for cancer was festering on that lawn.
To go to Dave, I had to cancel a hanging out appointment with my friend, Ashley. I promised to make it up on Sunday and she had free tickets to the State Fair. So, away I go again. This time, replace hippies with ghetto/white trash and expensive beer with expensive food. My friend Ashley works for Watson’s so we went with some of her coworkers to the Fair. Got some Indiana Beef ribeye steak sandwiches, very delicious. We walked around for a while and then made our way over to the Watson’s booth where they had a ton of expensive Jacuzzis. They have this one with a 27 inch plasma screen that retracts into the side, very cool. At the main stage there was demolition derby’s going on and we got suckered into the mayhem. I tell you, America just has a love for violence. And you don’t think you’re that way until you hear an engine revving up and then see the collision of metal on metal. This one car was all banged up and could barely move so the driver decided to blow the engine. He was revving it like made until finally it just smoked out. The crowd was cheering him on………and then the whole engine compartment caught fire with a “poof”. The driver was able to scramble out the windshield and only injured his arm from landing on it wrong. It was wild. Death was definitely in the air……..along with waffle cakes ;-)
The fair ended well with a rain storm and an hour long firework finale. I think God wanted to join in cause he kept flashing lightning to compete with the man-made fireworks. It was a good end to the weekend of madness………..oh………..but it didn’t end. Travis and Kara had invited me to tailgate for the Colts vs Bears preseason Monday night game. Giddy-up!!! So, I extended an invite to Ashley who returns the favor with free tickets to the game from the Vice Principal at the school she works at. It rained a monsoon on Monday so traffic was all jacked up trying to get down to the RCA dome but no matter. It was my first NFL experience ever so I was pretty stoked even if it was just preseason. It was hard to not cheer for the Bears but I was in Colts-country and didn’t want my ass rearranged, I like it just the way it is. It was a nice way to end a crazy weekend of shenanigans and fool-hardy fun. I guess the sun does shine on every dog’s ass someday………………………………………

Activate the "Asset"......................

2007-08-16T11:11:00.000-04:00

The Bourne Ultimatum freakin' rocks!!!!!! As is status quo with the series, the fight scenes are well sculpted and make you want to learn how to be a BAMF like Jason Bourne..........in the fictional sense. But here's my plan, I'm going to start to treat my everyday life like I work for a government agency. Seriously, I'm going to start by ending my phone calls with open-ended statements instead of good bye and then just hanging up. When I exit my vehicle, I'm going to put my wrist to my mouth and say "Target acquired........moving to higher ground". When I exit a building, I'll stand in the doorway and scope out the area and upper floors of buildings before moving towards my vehicle. As I approach my vehicle, I'll break into a faster pace and wrist to mouth say "Team 1 is on the move". Yeah, this is going to be fun. As my poll indicates, I have no mind to lose so I might as well enjoy my time here on earth.

Since when did they start allowing crippled people to play college ball? Not in MY day, I tell you. Actually, I'd remove my false leg and throw it at someone.

College football season is upon us people. Let's not kid ourselves, I don't expect all of you to make it back. Actually, I'm freakin' stoked just thinking of the tailgating, the mayhem, the awesome hits and watching ESPN every morning to get the latest catch phrase of the week. Apparently, USC is going to wipe their proveribal butts with every opponent this season and that includes ND. Yeah, I said it, so what, you wanna make something of it? See the link below.

http://insider.espn.go.com/ncf/preview07/insider/news/story?id=2974596&campaign=rss&source=ESPNHeadlines&action=login&appRedirect=http%3a%2f%2finsider.espn.go.com%2fncf%2fpreview07%2finsider%2fnews%2fstory%3fid%3d2974596%26campaign%3drss%26source%3dESPNHeadlines

Anywho, Boiler Up, baby..........................

Puppy dust and candy canes.................

2007-08-15T09:18:00.000-04:00

Ironically interesting article:
http://www.usatoday.com/life/lifestyle/2007-08-14-risky-20s_N.htm

I'd like to point out that while I'm bringing sexy back, I'm going to made some headway on that 26-29 year old drinking statistic. We can binge better than that, people!!!! ;-P

Personally, I've never considered Paris Hilton, Lindsey Lohan or Britney Spears to be a spokesperson for my generation or the generation coming up behind me. Unfortunately, they validate the article. More so, they validate the misconception and assumption of the article. At 18 yrs old, you can go to war. Doesn't mean you're ready to kill someone. At 21 yrs old, you can legally drink in a bar. Doesn't mean you've got to be a ragin' alcoholic. I won't deny that the article and society has a trend and statistics to back it up. However, 30 is the new 20 so in ten years those statistics will apply to 30-somethings. Or maybe they already do. I think that you deny yourself the opportunity to gain understanding by putting on the blinders of age. Age is just a number. Its either high or low depending on your perspective. I feel that its about the experiences during that timespan that shape your being. Am I any less risky at 27 than 18, nope. Do I make better decisions, perhaps. Do I still hold true to the same ideals, fuck yeah. Bob's your uncle. At 27, I know that I'm more well-rounded and mal-adjusted than I was at 21-25 (i'm a very conflicting person, yin-yang). Voluntarily, I had dragged myself through a lot of muck n mud and walked the line to hell and back alone. Sure I had friends to listen to me along the way, but I didn't have any advice given to me. I had spend a lot of time just analyzing over and over again the decisions, the possible outcomes, the damage that can be done and then test my own constitution. There was no final answer......well, the number 4 showed up a lot, but that's neither here nor there ;-) But that's just the life I've always chosen to live, regardless of my age.

So back to the article and the misconception. There are people in this world that are destined to fuck up fast and furious (enter Miss Lohan). There are people that wrap themselves in a false world and then forget to pay the electric bill and lights out (enter Miss Spears). Others, just don't care and are happy being empty (enter Miss Hilton). Then, there's the rest of us, there's you, the reader. Regardless of your age, who you are is who you made yourself to be. If you can look in the mirror and smile, good for you. If you can't, do something about it. And if you wear blinders, you'll never see me..............................

Wombat! Wombat! Wombat!

2007-08-14T09:56:00.000-04:00

I go to the pool on Saturday to get in some sun-time. I end up being surrounded by a bunch of Purdue frat boys. I was being cordial cause I was hitting on their women ;-) They kept talking about this "wombat". Eventually the wombat came out. Basically, you take a box wine, remove the bladder and bong it. That's a wombat in a nutshell. It was fun but a dozen tall boys, a few wombats and 102 degree heat make for a passed out on the futon rocky :-/ I woke up at four in the morning like "WTF?!?!?!". At least I made it home but I lost my porno drink koozie that I got in Lake of the Ozarks :-(

Friday was pretty kool. I was in need of a drinking buddy but couldn't find one so I went to Fox and Hound for dinner and a few brews. They were having a Three Olive vodka special and if you ordered a Three Olive drink you got a free martini glass. The really cool martini glass from the magazine advertisements. Looks kinda like this but not colored and sharper lines.

Anywho, so basically everyone is bat shit crazy and I'm at a loss of what to do. Well, besides drink heavily :-/ Its not that I seek out trouble but that it pretty much knows where I'm at all the time. And it seems that history is definitely doomed to repeat itself. Fuck, I'm exhausted today. I don't even feel like blogging but wanted to tell the wombat story. Too much shit is going on and I'm still trying to sort it all out.

Okay, funny story, so I was pretty depressed on Friday and didn't stay out late cause I had beers at the apartment. Earlier in the day, I had gotten a matches email from match.com and had shot out a few emails. Well, foolishly, this one girl emailed me back and asked me to "tell her about myself". Big mistake on both our parts. She opened the flood gates and I was sauced enough to not care. I think I apologized halfway through the email for the rant :-/ Yeah, I haven't heard back from her and don't think that I will. But its a good story to tell :-D

Anywho, life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.............the pursuit of happiness.............so long as the world agrees with your "happiness"..........................

Would you think that if I were Jewish..............

2007-08-10T12:36:00.000-04:00

What I like most about Friday is going to work and looking like your doing work but not actually doing work. Like right now, I’m typing this blog in Microsoft Word so should someone approach me from behind, it looks like I’m typing a work related document when in fact I’m being as useless as a toad on a bump on a log on a side of a hill on a cool summer day on this planet. Wow, that’s a rant if I’ve ever seen one.
Okay, let’s get this meeting of the Legion of Doom to order. 1st on the agenda, Yats. Seriously, if you ever find yourself in the Indy area, get to Yats. It’s the best Louisiana creole this side of the Mason-Dixon line. I filled up on the good stuff last night before heading to the bar. My newly acquired friend, Ashley, and her friends have a Thursday night haunt at Joe’s Grille. It’s a pretty cool sports bar that has live music & $5 huge pizzas on Thursday. And some nice eye candy too ;-) I have finally met my better. Ashley’s friend, Robert, introduced himself as an “asshole”, which is my usual introduction, so I said I’m the bigger asshole and he put the kibosh on that by openly commenting on every chick’s chest at the table. But I have to give him props cause he got on stage and sang a chorus to Family Tradition with the band. You know what I like about the 80s? They can’t keep their hair. Old man river, who was the lead singer’s dad, was on drums and he had an 80’s glam-rocker white man’s afro that was straight outta the “Monster’s of Rock” commercial. And he could sing “Ice Ice Baby” and “Baby’s Got Back” really good. It was a really fun night and the free cigarettes dude was there so I got a free back and free tickets to see Drowning Pool next Thursday at the Vogue in Broadripple. Very nice. Let the proverbial bodies hit the simulated floor, my homies. Oh, almost forgot about the asscrack beer. This dude apparently thought he need both hands free to flail about on the dance floor so he stuck his Michelob Ultra in the back of his pants. He kept trying to entice everyone at my table, guys, girls, whomever, to get out on the dance floor. Yeah, I’m always down to shake my rump-shaker but not with this tool. I kept hoping the beer would explode like a fountain but it didn’t.

Here’s little delicious nugget of internet for you. Go head, put it in your mouth ;-)
http://health.yahoo.com/experts/capessa/729/how-to-cope-with-the-jerk-at-work

Oh, almost forgot, there were some Cougars out last night. But there were with the bikers. I think the club was "Iron Pigs" of Indianapolis or something like that. Yeah, I didn't feel like getting monkey-stomped on the dance floor so I focused on the asscrack beer.

What is wrong with this picture.................

2007-08-09T11:53:00.000-04:00

http://sports.espn.go.com/rpm/news/story?seriesId=99&id=2951523&campaign=rss&source=ESPNHeadlines

I can't score a puma or a cougar with Ol' Man River cock-blocking with his billions of dollars. The system is just so unfair. And to be honest, what's her deal that she can't score tail her age or younger. She's cute.......enough......;-P Naw, seriously though, talk about some "daddy's little girl" complex. Why at 26 yrs old you'd want old man junk is beyond me. And read the story, he's no better than a 26 yr old male. "Its in her best interest to move to another team................so I can scam on the next young squirrel coming into racing". Used, abused and tossed aside. Screw it, I'm going to say it, the problem with women is that they are so naive. Its not about being over-trusting, its about not seeing the writing on the wall. Or having a clue in life too. Believe me I'm not bitter, but I just get tired of hearing the same sad story over and over. I don't have sympathy anymore for that type of crap. If you're not smart enough to say "hey, what would a 50 yr old man want with a young, hot, rising star like me" well then see you in the funny pages cause your career is ov-fa!!!!
Or, perhaps, I'm missing the boat. Perhaps this is the way to live life. I think I'm going to refine my search for a suitable partner to find a Suga Momma. Yeah, I'll trade in my self-respect for a credit card with no limit. On second thought, mail-order-bride........yeah......that's the ticket.............and when I turn 50, I'll trade her in for a 25 yr old....................

The hits keep on coming........................................
http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/Investing/HomeMortgageSavings/WhoPays.aspx#pageTopAnchor

Finally an article that speaks the truth. Gotta hold yourself like you're the luckiest person in the room no matta what.............................
http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=6715&TrackingID=516311&BannerID=544657&menuid=6&gt1=10287

Here, kitty kitty, c'mere..........................

2007-08-09T09:38:00.000-04:00

Vindicated!!!! It doesn't happen often but every now and then and again, my rants are vindicated by the Internet or other reliable source. So, if you remember my cougar story from Denver, not only have I found "Cougar Hunter" t-shirts, mine's on order, but the terminology is morphing to my age group, "Puma":

Urban Word of the Day
http://www.urbandictionary.com/
August 09, 2007: puma
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=puma&defid=423941
An attractive woman in her late 20s or early 30s.
She is a pre-[cougar]/[urban cougar].
"I think that puma just grabbed my ass."

Yes, let it soak in........marinate your brain if you will............delicious. I might have to go hunting this weekend ;-)

Want To Buy: a good night's sleep.
Good news, I'm officially a zombie. I do think I've finally lost it, not that I ever had it, but its definitely gone. I have been awake every night this week till 3 or 4am and still made it into the office by 8am and still hit the gym harder than peps younger than me. I joke that I thrive on coffee and personal anguish to get through the day but that's starting to become true. I was at Walgreens getting advil to counter the central nervous system breakdown and they have SleepMD stuff at the counter. I should look into it cause I can pop a dose of Simply Sleep and then go for a six hour drive not even being drowsy. I dunno, my brain just won't shut down in the evening. Well, maybe it was that I saved the world from Nazis last night, no thanks to Canada....jerks. There's that new "restless legs syndrome" out now, perhaps I have the full-body version. And on top of all of that, I have very bad Deja vu all the time. Well, last night I did a quick match.com search before heading to bed to not go to sleep and had a 36-yr old black man show up in my matches. At first I thought it was a glitch but from the short preview that appears in the search list, he stated that he wanted a man by his side at night.....freak.............and this triggered my Deja vu. My supervisor is outta da office on a fishing trip and I've been bombarded every day this week with customer support crap and getting mind-jobbed by the UK engineers. In the deja vu, I see the match.com freak and the next day my supervisor is in the office, having cancelled his trip early to get back to the office to help the customers like as if i've been doing a bad job and then I get in trouble and laid off in the near future. I was pissed at myself last night b/c in my head I told myself just go to bed and don't bother with the search. True to form, I end up with bad thoughts and another restless night. Well, you know what they say "a pug a day keeps the voices out of my head.............seriously........"...............................

How bout this heat???????????

2007-08-08T21:30:00.000-04:00

I'm an asshole
(he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole
(he's an asshole, such an asshole)
http://www.metrolyrics.com/lyrics/5742/Dennis_Leary/I
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zPnv8UvKFzc

So, its about a buck and some change in heat outside. I decide that a delicious bowl of chicken and sausage gumbo with jalapenos floating on top would be great to combat the humidity. In my defense, Mc Alister's Deli makes the best food ever so I had to try it. And they have world renown sweet tea........but I just had an ice water :-/
I don't know if its the heat or if I've finally drank myself stupid or if stress has finally broke the proverbial camel's back but all day long I felt like I was crawling outta my skin. I finally got back in the gym on monday after two weeks of traveling and eating restaurant food and plenty of beer. I hate that first day back. You go all Gung-Ho for about 2 minutes and then wake up with Hans giving you mouth to mouth. The worst part about working the man-boobs is that you're sore for a few days and you can't tell if you're sore or having a f*cking stroke in both arms. Yeah, that's probably the reason I was crawling outta my skin. Well, that and I've got a cumulative 4 1/2 hours of sleep in the past two nights as my brain wouldn't shut off........and showtime has soft core porn at 3 am :-/ To counter the loss of my central nervous system, I hit the gym right after work. Gotta push through the pain, people. Afterwards, I was thinking ramen noodles or real food. Real food won and where do I go? Mongolian BBQ. Glutton for punishment am I. I've never been there before and luckily it was pretty much empty cause I hate the stares of people that have friends whilst I dine alone. Go bunk yerself!!!!! So, they have recipe cards for those of us that have the culinary skill of a hot pocket or burnt bag of popcorn. I grab the Kung Pao Beef and get to work, Emerald-style, BAM!!!! Its like $12 for dinner and the bowl appears small. Time to get creative. I pack the meat in good, screw the recipe card, I stuff raw meat in my pockets hoping it'll turn to beef jerky ;-) I get to the vegetable part and I'm like a fucking rat just packing that tiny bowl full. I'm compressing and layering like Chef Boy-r-dee. I mix up my sauce and go hang out at the grill watching the gentlemen do their thang. I get back to my table, which is always in the bar even when I'm not drinking cause I hate unruly little junior s.o.b and his scumbag parents that don't control him, and just dig in. Oh, kung pao, how you taste so good and burn so bad. I'm three bites in and on my fifth glass of water looking for the waitress to bring me more. Delicious. At the high top next to me are three girls that work there and eventually one of them get the cajones to start some chit-chatting with me. I just gave her the hand and kept eating (not really but its like the third time the staff at a restaurant opens up with "why you here by yourself?", isn't it obvious I have no friends????) :'-( I get done with my bowl, to the last bit of food and the waitress comes over and, mind you I told her it was my virgin trip to the M-BBQ, asks me if I'd like another bowl. F*cking-A!!!! Its all you can eat at dinner time. When she picked herself up off the floor, I politely told her that I was stuffed and wouldn't be needing another bowl.......and to put some ice on that shiner ;-P Well, lesson learned............or is it? I'd probably be the same pack rat anyhow cause I'm not interested in making six trips to the grill and having to tip each time lest you get a spitter.
Well, time to get back to saving the world, xbox-style, before blockbuster hunts me down to return this game........................give peas a chance...............

Monday exists to mock us of the weekend lost........

2007-08-07T00:37:00.000-04:00

Well, sometimes. I finally got out an did something this weekend. Even though I was still heat stroked, I took my parents out an about in downtown Indy. There's this canal walk area that rocks for walking. The canal is shallow and if you want to be a sucker you can rent a paddle boat and go nowhere under your own girl-like paddle strength. However, if you have a can of worms, you're a king amongst men on the canal walk..........or at least to the fishys. There were a ton of fish, big and small, and they had my dad hooked as everytime he stopped they would approach him and whisper sweet nothings in his ear. In hindsight, perhaps he shouldn't have stuck his head in the water.......or I shouldn't have suggested it, he can be very gullible. Naw, but there were a ton of fish and they were watching us. Seriously. They would track your movement along the banks. Maybe people do go down there and feed them worms. Maybe they're Al Quida fish and they're planning a hostile takeover of the Peyton Manning, whatever, its none of my business. My dad came across some poor bastard of a worm. After fat-fingering the retrieval of the worm for like two minutes, he found the hungriest group of fish to toss it the worm too. Oh, the horror......the horror. Real bloodbath for such a small worm. After the canal we strolled around the Monument circle downtown and then had lunch at Johnny Rockets. Very nice time. After the folks left, I resumed my position on the allied front and took on Hilter. This time it was personal........ After waking in a trench I dug in a drunken stupor on my living room floor, I decided that beer and xbox don't mix. Just kidding, on the beer and xbox part ;-) I decided to again force myself outta my domicle and went to see "Live Free or Die Hard". Bruce Willis can father my children so that they may have a chance in this world if terrorism ever becomes real and not just a proproganda technique to raise the price of gas. As a matter of fact, Bruce, go squeeze out a few and I'll cover the cost. Oh, but can I date your daughter? Okay, just throwing that out there. No need to get snippy about it. Seriously, go see the movie and you'll understand.
Finally got my fatass back in the gym after a two week hiatus. Got in some good exercise and decided to celebrate with BW3 wings, buffalo chips and good ol' Miller Lite. My cousin sold me a discount card, that he may or may not have made himself in his basement, yeah, Pop Warner my hairy cheek, and it took a manager and two employees fifteen minutes to figure out if I could use it at that location. That 15% off of food only tasted extra sweet.........especially knowing how much they jack the price of beer there. The waiter abandoned me mid-wing and I was running outta beer to cool the flames. So, I took matters into my own hands. It was empty in there so I went to the bar myself to get another round and the bartender got a chuckle when I asked for a refill like it was a pop. I even had a chuckle when I got back to my delicious wings. On my way home, I was jamming to some Metallica and as I entered my complex I had Sublime pumping. Short lived however as there were two squads sitting with no lights and no drivers in the parking lot. No need to provoke them and I think my "F*ck da Po-lice" bummer sticker really gets the point across (j/k!). Yeah, probably just the standard domestic violence going on. You know, she has to be told twice and damaged his hand whilst receiving the black eyes. Okay, baby jesus is crying after that remark. Yikes!!!! Its called "baby benadryl", baby jesus ;-)
Well, you can see that I'm back and still as ridiculous as ever. Its all I'se gots..............................

And the Wichita Lineman is still on the line ...........

2007-08-06T23:57:00.000-04:00

Well, I was back in the office for two glorious days before being shipped back out to the front lines. For God, Country...........and Pi Research, sir, yes, sir!!!! I like to compare myself to Rambo, First Blood part II, I'm expendable. So expendable that the reason I head off again was b/c the customer dictated one line in an email "We'd like someone from Pi here to see the occurrence". Its all good though b/c I got a handshake and an "atta boy" on Monday when I got back from the new VP and him and my boss asked if they could clone me to help with the new business they stirred up at the Oshkosh avionics expo (where a person died doing stunts in a P-51 Mustang plane and another died enroute to the expo, google it). So, I was home long enough to wash my clothes from the previous trip and repack them. I did, however, score a meet and greet for cocktails with a teacher from match.com on Tuesday so the week wasn't all lost. We went to this fancy restaurant on the Geist Reservoir off 96th street and it was a beautiful day. Perfect weather to sit out by the cabana with a cold beer and good conversation. The reservoir is really nice. Not too big and not too small. I hear they have "Party Cove" style action where everyone ties their boats together in coves and parties their ass off :-D I need to get a small boat next year. Or maybe I'll just strap on a couple floaty noodles and take my changes :-) So, I head out the next morning for good o' Wichita. Again, faced with the scumbags of the airline industry. Freakin' jag off at United wasted everyone's time relaying a story to his boss instead of printing our checked bag tickets. Oddly enough, I go get breakfast at the American Bandstand restaurant and some dude is starting his morning trip with a cold beer. Swear it wasn't me ;-) I fly up to O'hare b/c there's no direct flights to anywhere from Indy. I have 1 hr layover to trek damn near a mile from the far end of terminal B to the far end of terminal F. Thank you very much United. I needed the exercise and stress.
Hello, Wichita. Too many airports and extremely hot. Especially being stuck on the side of a runway monitoring wind and gps equipment while the plane does ground effects. I swear to Miller Lite, the biggest horseflys you've ever seen. And they were just staring at me from inside our van that we left the doors open to. They were just licking there chops looking at this brown sugar. I think one of the even winked at me. FLY's DON'T HAVE EYE-LIDS!!!!! Or, maybe it was something else. I dunno, this heat's driving me crazy........(what movie is that a line from? and "go").
Wichita was a little more fun for me. The environment was the same, getting blamed for everything, but at least this time the guys took me out for fun. We hit up this bar/entertainment place near their hotel for drinks and pool on wednesday night. Very nice. Everyone's a little more honest when drunk. The key is to be the soberest. Especially around clients. These guys were kool though and appreciated Pi's product and gave me the low down on those that didn't. We got some good tests done on Thursday and things looked promising. These dudes were from Tulsa, OK and had been in Wichita for 4 1/2 months. Yeah, total cabin fever. They had a DD every Thursday for "guy's night out" ;-) I'll tell ya, a classy gentlemen's club is nice but every now and then and again, you've got to get a dive in your system to appreciate the finer ones. But its always a good time if you know what you're doing.
I got home without too much trouble but late on Friday. Exhausted from having spent a day in a van in sweltering heat on the side of a runway, I got a video game, "Call of Duty 3", and a case of tall-boys and sat down to save the world yet again. Then at 4am I got to catch Romper Stomper on showtime. If've you never seen that movie then you don't know what you're missing. Its about neo-nazi's led by Russell Crowe in the eighties in Australia. Very nice................

bye, bye, plane..........bye, bye..............

2007-08-06T23:42:00.000-04:00

Well, I made it back from Denver, despite Frontier Air's best efforts............and my own penchant for beer :-/ I got out of work early and did the tourist-thing in Denver. Took pictures by Mile High Stadium, went down to Union Station and to complete the trifecta, burned my elbow waiting for a Denverite to snap my pic posted up on a statue in front of the Rockies Stadium. Well, then, my sixth sense (aka spidey-sense) picked up on a beer special at the rooftop patio bar across from the stadium (god bless Jackson's bar). Ya-da-da-da.................I'm doing free shots with the two female bartenders, one of which was a self-proclaimed "cougar". Very nice ;-) So, I get to the airport and have a 2 hr wait for my plane. God bless the Sky Blue Bar. Hot dog and beer on special. Sixer of each later...........naw, just a couple. I end up talking to some guy at the bar who turns out to be a Hoosier. Well, had to Boiler-up on him for a bit. I leave to catch my plane and sit down to wait for my boarding. Those of us that know, know that booze and high temps and high altitude don't mix. I get a bit sleepy waiting for my turn to board. Luckily for me, Hoosiers are nice people, just at the wrong college. My newfound buddy woke me up on his way to catch the same flight as me. So, off I am, right? Wrong!!! After taxiing to the middle of nowhere, we turn around and head back to the gate. 45 minutes later, lift off. Everything is now still completely FUBAR as the little kid behind me won't stop kicking my spine loose. I'm not going to lie, when the beverage kart came round, "two beers, please". And I'm against buying beers on planes cause its a total rip off, but its also a sedative ;-) Eventually, things mellowed out and little junior s.o.b came into my row to sit on his grandpa's lap and he was sporting pjs and a pacifier, which made me wonder why I don't travel like that :-P I arrive safe and sound at 1:30am Monday morning, yah!!! Oh, no, no, no. I get home afte 2am, am too wired to sleep and "Beyond the Law" was on t.v. 4am, go to bed, 8am, wake up for work, 10am, time to make the donuts..................

Bringin' sexy back..........

2007-07-28T16:06:00.000-04:00

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!! Every once in a while I'm vindicated. My post about the scumbags flying the friendly skies has been vindicated, girly man!!! Click on the links below pertaining to scumbags making life harder on the rest of us that fly. Thank you, baby jesus.........thank you....................

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/17426986/
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19735896/
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/17370000/
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/16812223/
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/16831522/

And, for the record, I am a cold-hearted s.o.b., but if my 3 year old got me kicked off an airplane for not taking her seat, I'd be procreating a replacement on that vacation ;-)

Me in a nut shell..........

2007-07-28T16:00:00.000-04:00

Beware the overshare in everyday conversations
No subject’s off-limits as we’re getting more accustomed to TMI
By Melissa Dahl
Health writer
MSNBC
Updated: 9:33 a.m. ET July 23, 2007

Like so many of us, Dan Estabrook never even saw it coming.
It was a normal day at work when his office manager called him into her office for a normal-sounding meeting — until she unloaded a not-so-normal nugget of information.
“I wanted to let you know,” she said, “I’ve taken a live-in lover.”
Cue the awkward silence: Estabrook found himself victim of an overshare.
Blurting out too much information, or TMI, is something we’re becoming more and more comfortable with, some psychologists say. We obsess over the mundane details of celebrities’ lives and are eager to tell our own stories on blogs and Flickr accounts. And often, all that online openness seeps into everyday conversations.
Blame it on narcissismOne psychologist blames the influx of the overshare on an increase in individualism — and with that comes a hike in narcissism. We’re oversharing more now because we’re pretty pleased with ourselves, says Jean Twenge, a professor of psychology at San Diego State University.
“We just assume they’re going to be interested because it’s about me. Of course it’s interesting!” says Twenge, who is currently working on a book about narcissism among teens and twentysomethings.
But Leslie Reisner, a clinical psychologist in Los Angeles, is encouraged by all the sharing going on. Calling it narcissism is too negative, she says.
“There’s something healthy about sharing,” Reisner says. “It means they know it’s OK to show vulnerability.”
Spilling personal details can be a sign of self-confidence, Reisner believes, and 32-year-old Todd Enoch agrees.
“When I was younger, I was much more reserved,” says Enoch, who lives in Denton, Texas. “As I’ve gotten older, I’ve broken out of my shell. Now I can share more with people.”
And sometimes, Enoch admits, he ventures into overshare territory. He remembers a scene at work when his co-workers were discussing how happy they were that the T-shirts for an upcoming promotional activity weren’t white.
“I don’t like wearing white things either,” Enoch chimed in, and then blurted out, “I just sweat at the drop of the hat!”
Breaking the iceAfter a statement like that, consider the ice broken. A well-timed overshare can let others know it’s OK to let their guards down, and it can be a speedy way to make a connection with someone, Twenge explains.
“You realize you’re not alone,” Twenge says. “Previously, you might have thought, ‘Am I the only one with this problem?’”
But some say that’s looking at a relationship in a very backward way.
“People that are oversharing may be hoping for a connection with other people,” says Julie Albright, a sociology professor at the University of Southern California. Some people with TMI tendencies may be attempting to take a kind of relationship shortcut, going through the motions of an intimate friendship when there isn’t yet one.
That’s what happened to 29-year-old Becca Johnson during a girls’ night out. Johnson was talking to a friend of a friend whom she’d just met when the woman blurted out that she was having an affair with a former employee.
“In a way, it’s sad because you know they probably don’t have people in their lives to share things with,” says Johnson, who lives in Boston. “Why else would it feel appropriate to share relationship problems with complete strangers?“
Watch where you overshareThe woman’s secret was safe with Johnson, but psychologists say to be picky about who’s on the receiving end of your overshare. Blurting out too much information can be off-putting to some people.
Estabrook, the office worker, was so shocked at his colleague’s overshare that he hardly said a word in response. But should anyone else decide to confront him with a “live-in lover” overshare, he knows what he’d say.
“If someone told me that now, I would probably respond and say, ‘You know, I’m really happy for you,’” says Estabrook, who’s 41 and lives in San Francisco. “‘But I definitely would be careful about what you share with people you don’t know that well.’”
Or, as Twenge puts it, “Not every person you meet needs to know your every problem.”
Wade Stapleton wishes more people would remember that. At the end of a work day, the 42-year-old found himself in an elevator with a woman he’d seen around the office but had never spoken to. Like most elevator exchanges, their conversation focused on the weather — until she took it one step too far.
“Oh, the warm weather doesn’t bother me anymore,” she volunteered cheerfully. “I’m at that age where I have hot flashes.”
And just like that, she’ll forevermore be Hot Flash Lady, at least to Stapleton. “After that conversation, I don’t want to get to know her,” says Stapleton, who lives in Nashville, Tenn. “I know enough about her already.”
Now he’s careful to avoid her at every turn. “When I see her now, I try to go the other way,” Stapleton says.
Hot Flash Lady might do well to take the advice of Enoch, the self-described sweaty guy, who’s figured out a way to structure his oversharing habits. He’s divided his social sphere into three groups — college friends, work friends and church friends — and he knows what he can tell to each group.
“I have friends I can discuss my gastrointestinal activities with, and friends I can’t,” Enoch says.
He pauses.
“That was probably an overshare.”
© 2007 MSNBC Interactive

URL: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19837002/wid/11915773?GT1=10212

Denver nightlife............

2007-07-28T11:50:00.000-04:00

I figured I'd save one post for serious work crap and then post another about "Rocky Time" ;-)
I'm the type of person that will try new things but when in strange towns, I find something good and stick with it unless given advice by locals. That being said, I found myself in CB Potts three nights in a row. Delicious microbrews and friendly bartenders. In Denver, maybe all of Colorado, there's no smoking indoors which explains why a 8 month pregnant lady would be a bartender. Seriously, she was big as a house, but very nice. Wednesday, I worked late and there was a bbq in the hangar to celebrate having a plane at the Oshkosh Aviation Expo (where I was supposed to be!!!). Unfortunately, I was neck deep in shit so I had to eat cold leftovers. All that was left were these huge kielbasa looking brats. Filled me right up so I didn't even bother with dinner. Went to the hotel, changed shirts and got to my bar stool. There was a different bartender and I got all "chatty kathy" with her. I was also txting my bro and having a good time. Then, I notice this really loud and annoying lady on the other side of the huge bar. Maybe it was the beer but her and her companions appeared to be pointing and laughing at me. Now mind you, I was faux-hawking it and it would appear I was hitting on the bartender but I had no one else to talk to. I was getting the beer muscle up to go punch out the dude in the group when the bartender came over and told me that she had asked if I was the bartender's boyfriend, to which the bartender told the annoying drunk lady I was her fiance and we're getting hitched this Saturday. I probably should call my mom and let her know I'm coming back from Colorado with a new bride...........nah, she's in Wisconsin Dells and should be bothered ;-) Seriously, though, that's going to end up being my story "went into a bar for a drink and came out hitched".
So, Thirsty Thursday rolls around and I'm back at the bar after more bbq and long hours of work. I needed someone to talk to and figured the only person awake, b/c of the time zone, would be Lenzo. Sure as shit, he's at a work meeting on his day off. I was telling him that this is the type of week of work and travel where you just want to come home to a 30 min bj and then go to bed. He was in agreement, to which I told him to go buy one since he's in Vegas. I'm getting to that age in life where openly paying for sex ain't as disturbing as it used to be. Seriously :-/ Lenzo and I had some good txt-ing and then I left the bar for my crap hole of a hotel room.
Friday rolls around and work was wasted on b.s. which pisses me off b/c if I need support on Saturday no one will be around. I'm expendable so I'll be working while everyone else is enjoying their weekend. I had been eating good lunches and crappy dinners so I decided to splurge on myself. I went to this friggin' huge steak house (http://www.traildust.com/) and saddled up to the bar b/c the dining room was packed with a long wait. Tipping back some Fat Tire brews and gorging myself on the fattest 14oz sirloin I've ever seen. This 7/10 (meaning 7 out of 10) blonde grabs the stool next to me and orders a Tanquery and tonic. I was trying to be friendly and joked "long day?". She wasn't having any of it though. I threw out like three friendly lines and she shot 'em all down with one line responses. Eh, at least I had a huge steak and a cold beer. The part that puzzles me is that she could've sat a few seats down and I wouldn't have bothered saying anything to her. And she kept throwing off body language that she was having a horrible day. You would think if someone is being friendly you'd at least have banter with them. Hmm, its probably b/c I'm mexican :-/ I finished my meal and went to my new room at the Best Western which had a king size bed and a jacuzzi tub in the room!!!!!! I sat around digesting waiting for the witching hour to go out. The Godfather was on the TV and that tub was calling my name. Fudge it, I went to the liquor store for a sixxer and filled the tub and put on some Dixie Chicks, ya know, the ultimate guy's night in :-D Unfortunately, the jets didn't work :-( Unfortunately, I decided to skip testing the water and just stick my foot in to, unbeknownst to me, scalding hot water. I had to soak with my foot out of the water for a while till the nerve receptors forgave me for being a dumbass.
Well, I did my research and a "gentlemen's club" is a possibility for tonight but I honestly don't think I should drop the dough. I'm sure I'll be back here again, probably within a couple months, and I don't have anyone to go with. Plus, the all-nude don't serve liquor so what's the point. Plus-plus, my boss txt me last night and we may be going to Texas in a couple weeks!!!! I know for a fact the clubs down there are the best in the country. I'll save my coin for that. I think I may drive aimlessly to downtown Denver, find a place to park, eat and have a few cold ones and then make my way back to CB Potts (http://www.cbpotts.com/). Who knows, maybe a shenanigan or two on the way....................................

My therapist says the voices will go away............

2007-07-28T11:11:00.000-04:00

Dear Reader,
It has been a long week. Where to begin? Hmmm, tough to decide because it hasn't ended. Its a rainy, cloudy Saturday. I find myself chillin' in a small cubicle in an airplane hangar. I know, sounds interesting, no, no it isn't. It has been a long week of back and forth back and forth being the liaison between co-workers in the UK and the customer (www.adamaircraft.com). Let me just get this off my chest, if you don't know what you are talking about then sit down and shut the fuck up. AAARRRRGGGGHHHH, I'm marooned in Denver because there was a valid problem with the serial communication and we haven't proved it resolved yet. Thursday night before I left, another problem arose with a pressure transducer that communicates serially to the DAS (Data Acquisition System). However, this sensor has never had a serial problem before nor did the serial port. But what happens is that once "sheep" find an scapegoat, they beat it like it owes them money. Everything small issue is now somehow associated with the original, valid issue. Oops, cockpit fell off, must be the DAS serial port............WTF!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! So, after enduring Captain Dipshit claiming the sky is falling due to the DAS, I went home. Next day, I watched them prove the transducer was in fact failing. I started to hand out slices of Crow's Pie but then decided it was too delicious and ate it all myself. ;-) Well, all of yesterday was practically lost to working on the transducer, not really involving me too much, and the A700 plane had issues so it couldn't fly, something about a gas leak in the vent line. I could smell the fuel and was joking with a co-worker and he said "Well, don't create any sparks" to which I replied "but I have a 'sparky' personality!!!". Gay, yes, I know but had to have some fun to break the tension and boredom. Anywho, the plane is still grounded today so I'm just here grabbing data sets from the DAS cause they want 10 sets with no failures to prove the system works. Of course that just means I'll leave tomorrow night and it'll break on Monday thus putting me back on a plane Tuesday night. I like the weather in Denver. Every night it rains. You could almost set your watch to the rain. And there's been some impressive lightning displays. I even saw a rainbow hanging out over another hangar the other day. Very nice, God, but you forgot the skittles................................

Head out West, my wayward son...............

2007-07-25T17:56:00.001-04:00

You know what the problem with flying is? Scumbags. Seriously, scumbags. And I don’t think I’m alone in this opinion. The entire airport is filled with scumbags. It starts with the airline workers. I know they’re underpaid and in constant threat of union strikes and layoffs, but they act like civil servant workers. They just don’t care if you get where you’re going. Or if your bag makes it on your flight. I got to the Indy airport early. Parked the car in the cheap lot and rode the bus, which had the most helpful and friendly and toothless driver ever. I got a chuckle outta da MILF across from me as she read my “Irish I was Drunk” shirt. I got a chuckle outta myself as I noticed the Actia Workhorse gauge cluster in the bus dashboard. And the bus was a total P.O.S. so it was very fitting that the Actia cluster was on top of that pile. I get my bags checked in and head to security. I think there’s a new security device that’s a huge sniffer. Seriously, it makes this sniffing noise when you stand in it. I avoided it and went through the normal line. I stop in at the Fox Sky box lounge for a few pre-flight beers to take the edge off. I get to my terminal only to find out the flight’s been delayed but they won’t say how long and the scumbag DJ-ing the event was eating the mic so I couldn’t make out a word she was saying. Well, I hit the head a few times and find humor in the stoner passed out on the floor wasted. I met him in the bathroom where he was face-propped on the wall using the urinal. I saw him drop his boarding pass on the ground and told him about it so he didn’t piss all over it. My good deed for the day. This dude was hilarious. So, finally, the plane shows up. Then the scumbags offload. And this is why they’re scumbags, they take their sweet ass time getting off the plane like as if no one needs to get on. I almost struck up a convo with the old lady next to me about how much these people were annoying me. They get off the plane and are already on their cell phone calling people that don’t care to tell them that they landed safely when probably the person on the other end wishes the plane had hit a mountain. Then, its time to load the plane. Handicaps and children first. However, I clearly heard them say, passengers with small children, not passengers with small children and all their cousins that don’t have small children. I mean I took that instruction as one small child one passenger. Again, scumbags stick together like snot under the desk. And the funny part is that its assigned seating so it don’t matter when you get on, you’ve got a seat reserved……….or so I thought. Apparently the guy sitting in my window seat had a 1st class ticket and was allowed to sit wherever he wanted. I would’ve made him move but a) I don’t mind the middle seat, b) there was a chick in the isle seat and c) the beer was flowing through my womanly bladder so I knew I was getting up during the 2hr 3min flight to go to the bathroom, it was only a matter of time. But still, I should’ve gave this guy the stink-eye just to let him know that I know that he’s in my “assigned” seat. Anywho, we got off the ground so I should be happy about that. Well, during taxi-ing, the girl next to me realizes she left her phone in the Indy terminal cause she can’t find it in her baggage to turn it off. Well, I’m sweating this one out b/c if she didn’t and that shit goes off mid-flight then I’m sure nothing will happen as it’s a silly superstition anyways. ;-) So, decent flight, we land, again more things to be happy about. I’m the type of person that doesn’t carry anything on if I don’t have to and what I carry on goes under the seat. Well, there’s always those scumbags that refuse to check any bags so they stretch the rules of carrying on luggage and the flight attendants have to find all kinds of creative areas to store their shit and of course the want it immediately upon touchdown. This scumbag in particular had bags like six rows behind him and he’s trying to orchestrate a quarterback sneak up the middle to the goal line to get his shit. Eventually, I lost my patience and plow over old people and children to get off that plane. Denver International is a sweet ass airport. Actually, Indy International is the only international airport I’ve ever been too that didn’t have a tram system to get between the terminals. Wait, I’m a fucking liar, Pittsburg International didn’t either. Damn, I’m a scumbag ;-) Anywho, I call up my brother (and not immediately when landing cause I know he don’t care that my plane landed cause he don’t even know I’m flying) when I’m at the baggage claim to tell him that I’m noticing people chuckling at my shirt and I was wishing that I was wearing his “Shitfaced Drunk…..How do you handle stress?” t-shirt and that I even made up a little jingle about getting shitfaced due to the stress of travel while I was walking to baggage claim. I get my bags, which miraculously made it to my destination thank you very much you scumbags that refuse to check bags, and go get on the bus to get my rental car. The girl behind the counter is flirting with me and throwing out the “Rocky Balboa” line and asking if I’m a bruiser. Then, she asks me if its okay if she upgrades my car b/c she doesn’t want me to “beat her up”. So, I’m like “do your thang, hotness”. She upgrades me to a Chrysler 300M!!!! Fucking P.I.M.P.!!!! I get in and immediately get my gangsta-lean on. I instantly hear Nate Dogg "just let me ride" in my head (if you don't know you'd better ask somebody, g-funk era). I adjust the seat and mirrors so I’m all leaned out. I turn on the radio and what’s the first station available, rap. I’m not changing the station this whole trip. Yeah, I had to call my bro again to brag. I take off to my hotel only to discover it’s a total piece of shit. The travel receptionist got fired yesterday and I think she may have fucked me over, even though I think we were cool. I don’t know but it’s a shit hole. It was so late that the only thing open was supposedly fast food but I’ve got a sixth sense for this kinda thing. Yeah, I find a brew house that’s open till midnight!!!!! Hahahahaha, can’t keep a thirsty dawg down. I have a few pints and some buffalo chicken strips that lit my mouth up. I get back home and was having a victory smoke outside when I saw the biggest live rat I’ve ever seen leaving the trash can area. This is the type of hotel that you don’t sleep naked cause you don’t want the sheets to touch you due to the infestation you know is breeding there. Seriously, I did wake up with a pimple on my chest. Right on my fucking tat which pisses me off.
Anywho, I got to Adam Aircraft early and typed everything above this sentence while parked in a library parking lot. Its been a long day of work and I’m in the cross-hairs right now with no way out. If I don’t make it, tell my wife and children I love them…………shit, never got around to getting/having any!!!!!!!! Fine, tell Miller Brewing Company I love them…………………………..

Can I have a magic wand for X-mas, pretty please.....

2007-07-23T21:48:00.000-04:00

Seriously, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix rocked da house!!! I was literally on the edge of my seat like a school girl at a JT concert. There was so much action and magic!!!!
Anywho, so how was everyone's weekend? Me? I was busy saving the world, thank you very much. Yes, Nazi's were attempting to overtake my living room and all I had was my trusty Thompson machine gun to rebel them. Well.......that and a case of ML tall-boys ;-) I decided to strike a chord with my virginal side and play Xbox all night Friday. I had rented Call of Duty 2: The Big Red One and was up to my neck in Nazi scumbags in WWII. At the cusp of my reign of victory for the Allied front, the power went out in my entire apartment. It was pretty warm outside and I think cause everyone else was running their A/C units, I lost my power. Go figure :-/ It was only out for a few seconds and then returned. Saturday, after sleeping in due to battle-fatigue, my friend, Erin, came over and we went to the pool. The pool near the athletic center was the typical frat party so we went over to the one by the main office. Seven straight hours in the sun later, I had to pass on going to see Harry Potter that night cause I was falling asleep at White Castle. On the plus side, we got free "Lakeshore Apartment" cups from da management. They were handing them out cause some people were drinking beer outta bottles and that's a no-no by the pool. Funny that drinking in general isn't.......in fact..........its kinda endorsed now by the Lakeshore apartment complex.......weird. Sunday, I needed some clothes for an upcoming work trip to upper Wisconsin for an aviation expo so I went to the mall for the first time. Pretty nice mall. Huge food court that managed to give my Philly cheesesteak to the guy behind me and made me wait longer for one. There's a Dick's Sportings Good that has a rock wall to climb like two stories tall. There was this Asian dude praying to Al-ha or something before climbing up it. I mocked his fake god and continued on. So, I catch a great deal on some shorts for my upcoming trip, life is good, played some more Call of Duty, went to bed a bit early. Not too bad, huh? Yeah, we all know that's not how I roll!!! Customer had major problems over the weekend so I'm flying out tomorrow night for Denver, Colorado. Hopefully, I'll get back Friday night at like midnight. I'll be getting to hang out in an airport hanger with no A/C and 90 degree days. Marvelous. Its going to take a trip to the "gentlemen's" club to turn this frown upside-down ;-) Well, I need to get packing....................

Welcome to Thunderdome, Bitch.............

2007-07-20T09:48:00.000-04:00

I think that an important part of life is recognizing the effects of your own environment. Example, the effects of movies on your reality. I got shitfaced on half a case of Miller Lite tall-boys watching Black Snake Moan on Wednesday. Last night, watching Pan's Labyrinth, only drank 3 beers during the entire movie, which had a longer run time than the Moan. Let's investigate this. Pan's Labyrinth is about a little girl that is a fairy princess trapped in a human's body and has to complete three tasks to get home, taking place in WWI Spain. The entire movie is in Spanish with subtitles and Fauns and Pixies and other mythological beasts. So, perhaps my intellectual portion of my brain, no matter how small, governed my imbibing so that I could get the gist of the movie. Let's take a peek at yesterday's post about the Moan...............hmmm...................yes.................yes.........I do see the difference. In one movie, I'm entwined in a mystical world where my wildest dreams can come true...........in the other Samuel L. Jackson has my soul in a headlock screaming "Yeah, they deserved to die and I hope they burn in Hell !!!! Now drink, muthafucka!!!" ;-)
Yeah, that's nice. However, true to form, I was in a staring contest with half a case of beer and wasn't about to blink. So, for some reason, yesterday, I was thinking of the movie "The Longest Yard" with Adam Sandler and in the movie a prison guard throws a grenade on a riot and the grenade explodes into a bunch of rubber balls. Very kool. So, I was thinking, "hmmm......bullshit, no such grenade exists........but it would be cool if it did......". One quick google search later and I found my grenade. Now, you're probably wondering why I'm thinking about grenades at work. Honestly, its a mystery to me too but when thinking about this non-lethal grenade, I'm getting excited at the thought of tossing it at my brother while he runs away :-) Now, before you get too judgmental, my brother bought a weight lifting bench and free weights with the sole purpose of getting big and beating my ass. True story, he txt msg me this thought. Its just the relationship we have. It works for us. So, if you ever see my brother running away from me, run the other way cause the effective range of the Hornet's Nest grenade is 3 meters ;-)
Segway, while reading the Wikipedia history of grenades, I was watching some YouTube videos of live grenade practice and a few links later, and 3 hrs and 9 beers, I'm watching the real life of 40 year old virgins. I got hooked on watching Airsoft battles till past midnight. These guys were the real life G.I. Joe. They were tossing around all kinds of military battle lingo and were wearing all kinds of camouflage and ghillie suits and realistic looking Airsoft machine guns of all makes and models (one nerd even had "Born to Kill" on his helmet like "Full Metal Jacket"). Some of the videos were entertaining with a good soundtrack and action shots. Lots of smoke grenades and flashbangs. Most of the videos were from Europe. I guess its the rave out there. I know there's a company in Joliet, IL that hosts events and you can book a party with them. That'd be a fun bachelor party. I'd go around pistol whipping prisoners that are in fact my friends and not feel bad at all cause there are no victims in war, only causalities...................... :-P

why, why, baby jesus, why would you do that..............

2007-07-19T13:11:00.000-04:00

I need to score me one of those nifty cameras that the BMV uses. You know, the one's that make you look like a douchebag no matter what. I don't care how much you fuss to get ready for that picture, on the count of 3, presto, huge bag of douche. They accidentally made me two driver's licenses so I got to pick the one that made me look less like I was stoned. However, the new license rocks like Fraggle!!!!

Here's something that I don't get, the BMV's marketing agent must be smoking some good crack rocks cause here's the sample licenses posted on the website:

The adult license is cleary some tool that thinks he's hot stuff. The minor's license is hot stuff and under age. What is the BMV trying to portray here? Once you turn 21 you become a complete toolbox? Seriously, the dude looks like the type of guy that doesn't take "no" for an answer on the first date. Maybe its me, maybe not.

Anywho, to follow up on my rant from yesterday, I was punished for being selfish and wanting to go to Ohio by being both hungover and having to field like six "the sky is falling" phone calls from the customer this morning. All week long they left me alone and today the floodgates opened. Serves me right.
I just got done being manhandled by a Hardy's thickburger patty melt and here's a little lunchtime fun fact, the story of the thickburger is on the bag so you have something to read while eating. Seriously. Put that in your mouth. Its delicious ;-)
Quick movie plug: Black Snake Moan rocks harder than Fraggle!!!! You get a double dose of enjoyment as Christina Ricci is barely clothed and in serious heat and Samuel L Jackson plays the blues like the baddest Mofo on the planet. He almost bottles someone and that's all I'm going to tell you. Oh, and my boy JT (justin timberlake) comes through solid and doesn't take away from Ricci's awesomeness. Watch it this weekend. You won't be disappointed...........unless you're a communist.........and if you are communist then what are you doing watching TV anyhow.........hypocrite..................

Thank you, sir, may I have another.......

2007-07-18T20:49:00.000-04:00

So, I walk into a co-worker's cube to get some help with an issue today only to be blindsided into going to an IRL race for support. The reason was that another co-worker that was supposed to go was needed elsewhere and I was expendable. The expendable and last minute travel was fine with me. Honestly, I wanted the field experience with the Pi system under my belt. Plus, I wanted to get out of the office and get the battlefield experience to compete with my co-workers so they would understand that I'm on the same playing field. Well, after making the necessary adjustments, I was denied. I've been sitting in the office all week since my boss went on his honeymoon and was doing various helpful tasks for a couple clients but have been in waiting for the UK to get me support. Then, today, I had to surrender my hardware to other support engineers thus putting me in an even more useless state. Of which, I don't think my boss was aware, again, he's on honeymoon and shouldn't worry bout the state of affairs in the office. I am on top of things but waiting on others to make progress. Well, once my boss found out I was tasked otherwise he made a phone call and right as I was about to buy new shoes to wear for the trip to fit the Pi Support Team clothing requirements, I get a call from another supervisor telling me that my trip was off. If you know me, you know that I'm a hard worker and do not like being dicked around. I don't mind taking one for the team and wasn't really upset that my new VP and his lackey put me on the spot (I got apologies and thanks from others and the VP for the situation and for helping out). I'm all about being helpful and once I get tasked I get excited to be a part of something, even if its mundane to others. The easiest way to piss me off is to steal my thunder and f*ck that. I know that my boss has the best of intentions for the customer but he's not been in all week to see the dynamics that were going on. Plus, as a lackey, myself, you don't say "no" to the new supervisor, even if you are partial to saying "yes" no matter what. On top of it, if my boss thinks that I was trying to skip town to leave the customer hanging then I'm going to be super pissed.........no..........mega pissed. I understand that maybe I don't understand the dynamics of the particular customer but I've been at Pi for 5 weeks and am dying for action. I traveled all the way to Tulsa, OK for a huge letdown and this would have revived my spirits. Idle hands are the work of the devil, no? Well, I guess this is the part of being expendable that sucks. Now I feel like a dick cause I explained to the customer that I was tasked otherwise and now have to go back on that. I hate that almost as much as I hate my thunder being stolen.........or when a keg runs dry when I'm on an awesome buzz ;-)
Well, TVland, I hope things are going better for you and the scheduled programming isn't interrupted by a boring Presidential update...............

Pass the popcorn, please..............

2007-07-17T14:32:00.000-04:00

Yeah, so I watched the weirdest movie last night. "Dreamers" with Eva Green, the hot banker from Casino Royale. The cool part was her full frontal scenes. The not cool part was the constant reference to old movies, being based in France, and her incestuous relationship with her brother in the movie. I took a couple of sleeping pills and when they kicked in I turned the movie off and went to bed only to have night terrors all night from the movie. The sleeping pills, they never fully kicked in. Another restless night topped off with thunderstorms this morning. I must've woke up in a startle like six times last night.
Yeah, what is it with females being female in public? I go to Cardinal yesterday and the young girl working the front desk has her head buried under the desk, crying. I stood there for like 3 awkward minutes before she looked up and logged me into the system while I stared at the wall. I'm sorry but there's a time and a place...........like my apartment in two hours, we'll turn that frown upside down ;-)
Yeah, so another company perk kicked in today, I got a free Sam's Club membership, business membership, which entitles me to enter at 7am before the regular degenerates. I was shopping with a co-worker for snacks and coffee for the office. She dropped like 2 bills easy on junk food that I've seen around but didn't realize was a free-for-all, dammit!!! I'm going to gain like thirty pounds working here. Actually, news flash, my fat ass isn't so fat. I came in just above 210lbs at Cardinal yesterday. Very nice. I attribute the weight loss to lack of sleep, sporadic food intake, massive influx of coffee and a generally angst disposition towards life in general.............. ;-P

We are gathered here today..............

2007-07-16T11:56:00.000-04:00

We are gathered here today, to witness, this poor sap committing to one piece of tail for the rest of his life………. J/K!!!! Weddings are truly a magical event. But first let’s roll it back a bit. Travis and Kara, where to begin? Ben met Kara through working at a bank back in college. Her and Travis had already been dating for a couple years and were living together. Through Ben, they started coming to my family’s booze fests, like Halloween or NYE. After Ben was done with Purdue and headed north, everyone still maintained contact and partying. Well, since such a close association was created thru Ben, my mom’s side of the family was invited to the wedding in Indy this weekend. So, the stage was set for the most overdue wedding of the century (I say that b/c they’ve been together since like 2001 or 2002 and finally tied the knot).
Festivities began this Friday as the wedding party setup shop in downtown Indy. I joined everyone after the rehearsal dinner to see friends that I haven’t seen in months/years. We did a festive round of bar hopping starting with the “Slippery Noodle” and ending with “Have a Nice Day Café”. Everyone was having a great time and catching up. Apparently, Ben gave a toast to him and Lenzo for being the most important people at the wedding, the ushers ;-) My Aunt had her limit of 3 rum and cokes and was almost knocked to the floor by Ben’s drunk ass ;-) Even though it was like ten guys and one single girl (and my aunt and uncle), we were tearing up the dance floor at the “Café”. There were girls dancing on the bars and doing shots outta each other’s belly buttons. Awesome time for one last night of bachelor debauchery.
After getting everyone back to the hotel, where apparently Ben nested on the bathroom floor, I had the daunting task of finding my way home from downtown Indy. Yeah, it was my first visit to the downtown area and I ended up making a 1 ½ hr trip outta a 30 min drive. But I got home and crashed b/c there were lots of plans for Saturday. My apartment was the staging area for my parents and uncle so I had to clean up and get a little organized as well as get myself ready for the wedding. We all did a quick lunch at Fox n Hound and got to the wedding with 30 seconds to spare. The ceremony was beautiful and short. Methodist ceremony conducted by a “Dr.”, very odd. The priest or doctor or whatever, kept coaching Kara and Travis and didn’t bother covering her mic so we could all hear “awesome”, “outstanding”, “very good”, etc. Kara, being the typical bride, broke down a bit when giving her vows. In my opinion, if she mumbles the vows then they’re null and void. But that was only my unpopular opinion ;-)
After the ceremony, we all headed downtown while the wedding party went driving around in a badass stretch H2. I check into my hotel room only to find it absolutely dirty. Scored free brunch tickets as comp and a very apologetic letter from the management. We did a little pre-gaming and then headed to the cocktail hour where 1 bartender was responsible for lubing up like fifty people. Actually, he was the only one all night. He had a heavy accent and broken English so it was comical. As the guests were being seated, my cousins, John, Carrie, Cory and me, which were the occupants of Table 9, were finishing our drinks in the lobby when the DJ came looking for stragglers. He takes one look at us and goes “you must be Table 9”. We were the only table with no one seated :-D Off to a good start, ya know? I later kept referring to us as the “mutants from table 9” from “The Wedding Singer”. The entire reception was very elegant and extravagant. Dinner was delicious and the cake was awesome, even came served with fresh berries. The bridal party speeches were a little awkward but hey, what speech isn’t? The first dance was hilarious. Kara is a theater major from Purdue and Travis has two left feet. You could tell he was counting steps in his head and she was doing this extravagant side step. They did look good though and ended with a sweep to the floor with a kiss. After the parent’s dance, the married folks dance came up and the couple that won was married 63 years. Wow, is all I can say. Before the wedding started, all the guys were under the rumor that there was going to be like five single girls there, and it was confirmed by the bouquet toss. And one of the girls was my cousin so that counted her out. For the garter toss, there was the usual suspects, Ben, Bryan, Lenzo, Me, and a few others. I out jumped Ben and Bryan to snatch glory from their outstretched fingers. I immediately tossed the garter on my head like a headband and strutted in front of the DJ booth/camera man to which the DJ goes “I’ve been warned about you” over the mic. Very nice. The rest of the night was a blur of dancing (Bryan and I owned the dance floor for “House of Pain – Jump Around”) and beer pounding. All they guys signed a Playboy which was put in a picture frame that had an inscription “Break Glass in Case of Marital Emergency”. Everyone had a great time and I woke up passed out on my hotel floor at 2 am ;-) always true to form. Apparently, everyone went to Ben’s room to continue partying and security got a complaint so they got to move the show to a conference room in the hotel, awesome. We met up the next day to say goodbyes to the out-of-towners and then most people stopped by my apartment to chill for a bit. After everyone left, I got my ass to the pool to enjoy the sun and bathing beauties. I ended the weekend with a couple of movies for good measure.

Now, for a blurb on weddings and why I may never end up married. I was joking around with Ben on Sunday about who’s going to get married first. Him and I are becoming the oldest f*cks trying to catch the garter at weddings these days. Sometimes were some of the only ones. Its weird I guess. The older I get the more I’m convinced that it won’t happen but wanting it to. Of course, of all the women I’ve dated, I could see myself only staying with two of them. One ended our fling with no explanation and the other I had to give up due to lots of complexities and the person I was/am wasn’t good enough for her. Other than that, I find lots of girls but they just don’t strike my fancy. Sadly, I usually strike theirs which makes me feel bad but it’s my life, my only life. I’ve never really had a high opinion of marriage. I’ve been to a lot and known the bride and groom long before they committed to marriage. Some I knew were together for lack of wanting to find someone better suited, others were made for each other and others a mystery. Not that I sit in judgment of the couple but I do wonder what makes them decide on the whole “rest of my life with this person”. What kind of questions do you ask yourself? How do you ever know for sure? You know, I think, for better or for worse, I’m just too selfish with my life to be married any time soon. I’ll be honest, it disgusts me when people use their marriage as a reason/crutch as to why they can’t be themselves. Its not that you can’t do for another, but you have to do for yourself first, otherwise, who are you, really? Again, I’m not the expert but this is my blog and the world as I see it. I think ideally, you’ve got to find someone that accepts you in every way possible and after such acceptance, you find yourself change in small ways for the better for that person and then it’s genuine and real and, maybe, just maybe, true love………………………

We built this city.......we built this city on rock-n-roll..............

2007-07-12T09:40:00.000-04:00

I almost got to fulfill my dream of uppercutting a punkass yesterday. I get home from the gym and am approaching my castle door when I hear someone on the other side. Well, punkass was bringing the thunder to open a simple entrance door. So, spidey-sense tingling, I take decisive action to prevent door-to-face collision. In a very cowboy-isque fashion, I yell out "whoa!" and did a little two step to a jingle in my head. I put my hand out to guide the door back as the punkass in question emerges. Now, yes, I am an intimidating s.o.b. so I could understand this bitch not wanting to make eye contact with me. However, he crossed the line when he walks past without so much of a word of acknowledgement. No, I wasn't looking for an apology but just the reck-in' that he could have, thru his "oblivious to the rest of the world ways", opened the door on a female or child and caused an injury. Nope, this bitch, just flip-flopped his way past, thus igniting my fire. No lie, he was about twenty pounds heavier than me with wider shoulders and maybe two inches of height but I can guarantee a hip toss to the pavement followed by a monkey-stomping would've set this punkass straight. I don't even know if he lives in my building or was just visiting. I went upstairs and looked out my balcony to the parking lot to see him go to his truck and then come back. Now the only reason I could think of for him to not acknowledge my presence was due to an incident that occurred when I moved in. It was a hot June day a couple weeks back. I knew better than to try to wear too much clothing so I forgoed the t-shirt that would've ended up chaffing me. Well, these dudes and a female came home while I was making a trip inside with a dolly of stuff. Well, mind you that I moved my shit in myself and was tired, sweaty and thirsty and in no mood to play games, as luck would have it, me and these bitches were going to the same entrance door and instead of being men and getting the fuck outta my way, they were pacing me towards the entrance like fags. I even went outta my way to take the long way towards the door and still connected with these fags (notice their definition changes with my mood). Finally, I let them go in b/c I knew we'd both be using the stairs. Not one of them even acknowledged my presence when I let them past. I've never seen three punkasses try so hard to avoid eye contact. But I understood why. I was the alpha male and they were probably waiting for me to pass comment on their female (5/10). So, I never saw the bitches again after that incident but have a feeling that this punkass from last night was probably with that group that day. If a half-nakid, sweaty, tattooed mexican american gets you shakin' in your flip-flops then I pity you............and your female................
On the flipside, I do think I need to complain to management that the entrance door is going to kill someone someday and they should insert a reinforced viewing window to prevent collisions. I've personally almost been taken out three times now by that door. Twice while bent over to check my snail mail inbox. Maybe I'll just get a saw-zaw and rip a hole in the door ;-)

Can't buy me love.....................

2007-07-11T10:16:00.000-04:00

Oh, but you can. Match.com proved that to me by charging me a renewal fee even though I earned a six month free membership. Blood, sweat and tears, I earned that free renewal. The sad part is that the free renewal is based on purchasing a six month membership and not finding a single person in that six months that makes you want to discontinue your membership (ie I’m still a lonely bachelor/bastard). I was pretty peeved Monday morning when I find money missing and Match.com to blame. Luckily, they were able to straighten it out very quickly but told me it was 7-10 days to get the refund. So, basically, I was still bent over.
In other news, got a new boss at work so I’m up to 5 total. Its cool b/c this guy is ex-Marine and used to be stationed in the Mohave Desert. Plus, he’s got like over 15 years of good experience. Its important to me b/c after the fiasco at Actia (my last job) I am twice bitten twice shy. I was thinking about that the other day and how the asshats I used to work for caused me so much trouble. I was emailing my old co-workers and getting the scoop on Actia. Seems like the G5 are still running it into the ground. Honestly, if I hadn’t gotten laid off I think I was close to being fired for disciplinary reasons for fighting with a Project Manager that was a piece of shit. In addition to the new boss, I got new work priorities. Basically, the New Business Department (Dan & I) are responsible for ensuring the company’s future by acquiring new markets for the Pi product. If we fail, the company sinks. Well, maybe not Titanic but I’d definitely be outta a job. I’m not worried but the new boss is dedicated like 50% to Dan and I. But like I said he seems cool and he winks at me a lot, in a man-friendly way. Could be an interesting next couple of years.
Peace…………………….

Table for 1, please.......................

2007-07-09T11:16:00.000-04:00

I appreciate that lots of products these days come in a “single serving” portion so that those of us that don’t have an “encore” family don’t have to be wasteful. However, I draw the line when a product is specifically designed for a single male bachelor. Now, before you jump to conclusions on the product, its sunscreen. As a single male bachelor, I have issue with applying sunscreen cause my arms can only bend so much (cause my biceps are massive) and I can only cover so much of my back with sunscreen. I saw a commercial for a continuous spray sunscreen and went to the store to get some. After the first application, I was very impressed with the results and how easy it was to get full body coverage………..then I got to thinking and realized that this product was designed specifically for me, the lonely male bachelor……….then I realized I paid like $10 for the bottle that felt 1/3 empty after two applications :-(

Despite the sunscreen incident, Saturday was a pool party of epic proportions!!!! We had a floating pool bar and pool volleyball that ended up in a fist fight between my bro and me (only for shits and giggles). The whole family came out for my Uncle’s 49th b-day and he’s like the biggest kid of all of us so we always have a ton of fun. I got to St. John 1st and hit the pool immediately b/c I wanted to get my tan-on hardcore. When packing to leave Indy, I was sure to take my camera b/c as a family we really haven’t been getting photos of the good times (and I drink a lot so I forget a lot). Turned out that the camera really came in handy. We had like 161 photos and some really good family ones. Like I said, the one’s you take for granted and forget to take. It took almost an hour to upload all the pics to snapfish :-)
Yeah, Saturday was a real up-lifter for me. I had a bad Friday and got to work late b/c I was up late watching Tombstone and I had a 1 month performance review so my tardiness was a pock mark. However, it was a small pock mark. The performance review was non-typical and my supervisor was instructed to perform it for me by the UK VP. The VP wanted me to know that he felt I was a “breath of fresh air to the company”. Of course, that just made me beat myself up more over being late, typical of me and my self-destructive ways. One of these days I’m going to have to realize that I’m not invincible and start actually taking care of me and not just business……………….

More than meets the eye...............

2007-07-07T01:25:00.000-04:00

Transformers rocks!!!!!!!!! Kick ass CGI!!!!!!!!! And Tyrese didn't say too many stupid lines trying to be cool or nail any hot chicks. Speaking of hot chicks and alien robots, I can be made to believe a lot of things, alien races exist, Tyrese is a kickass Ranger, and a giant Cube turns electronics into killer robots..........however, I draw the line on hot chicks being super geek signal analysts responsible for decoding signals to save the world or being juvenile delinquents that know how to hot wire tow trucks. That's where I draw the mofo line. Gotta have ethics and draw the line somewhere!!! Oh, and Jon Voight could never be secretary of a bathroom let alone Defense.
Well, there's a marathon of Bloodfist on Showtime so I'm going to crack a beer.....and my ass.....and enjoy the magic of Don "The Dragon" Wilson kick some jail butt in the Booty House!!!!
Oh, and I fail to believe that as a con, The Dragon is into gardening ;-)

Smokey The Bear says "Don't play with fire".......

2007-07-03T10:11:00.000-04:00

Well, another 4th of July is upon us. Time to singe some facial hair. Actually, the extent of my firework experience was at my bro's party this past Saturday. For some reason, my drunk ass was put in charge of lighting off the fountains. Good thing I work well under pressure and lots of booze. Yeah, it was "Trains, Planes and Automobiles" last Saturday. After being in Tulsa, OK for three days and doing absolutely nothing work related b/c of weather delays, I was finally going home and if I could get home early then I could make it to Ben-n-John's domestic union/birthday party. My co-worker and me bid Tulsa a flaming adieu and jetted to the airport to find that we had one shot, one chance, one hope of getting back to Indy. We were able to get to Kansas City, KN but were then on "standby" and could be asked to de-board the plane. When we landed in Kansas City, the Lord & the Lucky Charms Leprechaun were on our side and we got to continue on to Chi-town. However, the duality of my life prevailed and I had three obnoxious and unruly teenagers sitting behind me with their collective knees in the back of my chair. It took all of my constitution to not turn around and strangle a punkass. It always amazes me how oblivious others can be to the havoc they wreak on others. When we landed, the pilot gave the usual spiel of remaining in your seat until the plane stops and these lunchboxes immediately stand up like their the koolest thing since sliced bread. I was very tempted to ring the Flight Attendant for a body bag cause IT WAS ON!!!! Again, the joy of getting to Indy only to drive 2 1/2 hrs north for a party on 5 hrs of sleep was keeping me sane (as insane as it sounds). But all was good, got to Indy, went home to freshen up, picked up Travis and got to Ben's where I ran into old friends that I haven't seen in a long time. Sometimes its nice to get re-acquainted.......sometimes not..........
Well, my first Pi travel trip was a complete wash. I had some fun in Tulsa. Got to go to the mall and a new Aquarium that had a walk-thru shark tank. My next planned travel trip is to Oshkosh, WI at the end of the month for an aviation expo. I'll be with Dan this time so that should be cool. Unfortunately, I have to drive the six hours to upper Wiscounsin and back.......and, strangely enough, we've rented a preacher's house for the week b/c hotels are in strong demand and short supply. I just hope I don't have to stay in the 6 year old girl's room. I'll sleep in the bathroom tub before I do that (I've done it before).
Anywho, to my readers, have a safe 4th of July and remember why we're celebrating. As much as the party and Holiday from work themes prevail, be sure to take a moment in the drunken stupor and remember that some gave all, some are still giving all. Be thankful.............

Soft.....smell pretty......

2007-06-29T08:50:00.000-04:00

I once read an article in a men's magazine that summed up the writer's knowledge of females, soft & smell pretty. I would have to say that's about all anyone could ever figure out.
Day one of my first business trip was almost a total wash. Due to inclement weather, the test plane didn't even show. My co-worker and I had to entertain ourselves all day. To some this would seem like a vacation but its a vacation in Tulsa, OK. We went to breakfast, back to the hotel, to the mall, back to the hotel. The highlight was going to the crappy workout facility to get in 2.5 miles. However, I decided to turn things around. My co-worker had hinted at hitting up a "gentlemen's club" and I entertained the idea but wasn't entirely convinced. My co-worker is a young whipper-snapper that's getting married in October and has only been to one "club" his whole life. So, I manned up and we set out with the plan of doing a happy hour at the "club" and then going to this popular area, Brookside, for dinner and drinks. As with Gilligan, a three hour tour turned into a lifetime on an island (ie "club"). I felt that I had to impart some of my wisdom on my co-worker. You can gauge a "club" based on a few items. 1. alcohol available or b.y.o.b, 2. cover charge, 3. the ladies "protocol" and 4. the bathrooms. There's no exact equation but the lower on the scale of 1-10 the sketchier the place usually is. Last night's "club" was pretty high on the standards. Low cover charge, any beer you could want (no hard stuff) and the bathroom smelled like bleach (even though someone dropped a 4 ton deuce in stall #1 and didn't flush......but that's another story). The ladies, however, were walking around drinking beers, smoking, and sitting on customer's laps with touching allowed and making customers buy them more drinks. Usually, that's a turn off to me b/c even though I'm there for the fantasy, and willing to pay for it, the fantasy is about me not me taking care of them. Luckily, or maybe not, the ladies left my co-worker and me alone for a while so we could "gaze" and drink in peace. "Those guys" were there as well. By that I mean the typical "clubber" that sits at the main stage all night or approaches the stage for every new girl and stands in the exact same spot for a $1 worth of attention. All in all, we had a blast and I had to surrender my belt so someone could get whipped for a while. Freaky. Long story longer, we never made it to Brookside and settled for "Whataburger" at 11pm.
The whole experience made me realize how much I miss both the "clubs" and female companionship. Of course I have more self-control than to become one of "those guys" but if I had all the money in the world then I'd think I'd be "that guy" ;-)
Yup, all I know is soft....smells pretty....and sometimes glittery....... :-D

Motley Crew........

2007-06-27T09:03:00.000-04:00

Fockin' wrecked. Yeah, that sums up last night. The VP of PI wanted to go out to "have a few drinks" to celebrate my buddy, Dan, upcoming marriage. We go to the good ol' Fox n Hound across from my apartment complex. I walk over from my place. I'm drinking the Goose Island 312 all night and switch over to red bull vodka's with everyone else. I don't remember leaving but I do remember wandering my apartment complex trying to find my entrance door. I was all over the place and eventually found it. I woke up wrecked and had to pack for Tulsa, OK. Amazingly, I got to work on time and am functional. Man, our VP can drink his arse off.

The Force is strong with this one.........

2007-06-26T14:12:00.000-04:00

Quick update cause I just got sandbagged all over Indy. I got my Comcast digital cable installed last week (xref the cute puggle story) and the cable box was the size of the Millennium Falcon. Well, the Comcast rep sandbagged me and assured me that I only needed one digital box. I tried to program the bedroom (or Lair, as I like to call it) tv the other day only to get static-iky nuffin. I called him today and he told me to just stop by the office and get another box for free. I go during lunch and the dude behind the counter gets everything together and hands me a little plastic boutique bag and tells me to call the 1-800 number once I get everything setup. He doesn't bother handing me one of the many Millennium Falcons stacked in plain view behind him. I have a minor panic attack and he tells me that I'm getting the new version of the cable box. Again, I double-check that its not a cable modem but the digitial cable box and he just smiles with that canary sticking outta his mouth and tells me that I'm experiencing everyone's reaction to the new box. I get outside and open the bag to find a Tie Fighter size cable box. Now, I'm wondering what changed between last tuesday and today that I have a Millennium Falcon in my living room?!?!?!?!?!
I go to lunch at this great BBQ place near the Comcast office. I settle in for some good Brunswick stew and a hot BBQ-sauce beef brisket sangwich. Even though I was one of three people in the restaurant, the waitress must have had more important business cause she sandbagged me on my ice water. I would've never have guessed the cooling power of mashed potatoes and gravy.
So, I'm driving back to the office, belly full and stoked about the new cable box. As I exited I-465, there's a very sunburnt lady with a "homeless, begging for help" signs. Usually, like most people, I ignore such people but as luck would have it I pull up right next to her. I had been collecting some emergency dollars in my coin drawer in my car. I reached in and grabbed a clump and gave them to the lady. If she wants to buy $4 of booze or crack or food, so be it. My belly and soul are filled for the moment and that's all that matters. Time to get back to doing some actual work. Peace..............

So......we meet again, poochy.........

2007-06-26T12:52:00.000-04:00

Yeah, so the geniuses that designed my apartment complex put the mailboxes right next to the entrance and mine on the bottom row so that should someone try to exit whilst I'm squatted over getting my mail, I go sailing through the air to finish with a "Jamaican faceplant" in the parking lot. And, as we all know, my luck would have it, almost everyday I have a near-miss collision at the front door. Well, yesterday, I had the near-miss with deja vu. The pooch that tried to eat me when I moved in, made another attempt. As I got home from work yesterday, I heard the door start to open and gave out my traditional "whoa, I'm out here" only to be greeted by some dude (probably the boyfriend) trying to hold the dog back from devouring me. He was kool though and saw I was in my work clothes and backed the dog up so I could get past. One day, there will be a battle of epic proportions between da pooch and me. We'll bleed the ground red at Falkirk.
In other news, today has been hectic all morning and I fly out to Tulsa, OK tomorrow to assist in differential gps testing on an aircraft. Even though its a production aircraft, I'm not getting hazard pay so I'm not getting on it. They're going to do test take-offs with one engine to get an idea of how much a plane will pull one way or the other. Yeah, again, I'm not riding shotgun on this "express elevator to hell - going down" (movie quote, but from where?).
Oh, also, fun fact, when you say "back in the day" it was a Wednesday. Yeah, no lie. Put that in your mouth. Its delicious..........

Madness? THIS.....IS....SPARTA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-06-25T08:39:00.000-04:00

Too often we lay dormant, letting ourselves grow weak and becoming easy prey. When you feel the animistic instinct within dying, its time for PAINTBALL!!!! I don't care who you are, every time you pull that bolt back and switch off the safety you hear Sgt Barnes yelling out "lock and load!". I was fortunate to be involved in a battle of epic proportions this saturday. For his bachelor party, my buddy, Scott, wanted to do a little p-ballin' and then head to to the Chi for dinner and drinks. We went to Challenge Park in Joliet and had a private party. There was only 8 of us but that made for some quick and challenging games. The teams were divided into Scott's co-workers and his family and friends. At every field we'd play two games. Going to the last field, the matches were split down the middle. Again, both teams one a game at the last field so we squeezed in one last game. One last chance to be a hero. One last chance to taste sweet Victory. "Armageddon" was the name of the field, rightfully so. It was designed like the ruined rubble of an empire with a couple of 2nd floor platforms. Our team was short a man as he ran outta air for his gun. I knew the fate of the galaxy would depend on my battle hardened tactics. Flank here, grazing fire there, move! move! move! After I out flanked the enemy and sent 'em packing, I went for high ground in a platform. Sure as shit, the last man standing was stalking me. As he entered the cross hairs, I let a out three-round salvo to win the game. I would've went for the head shot but these babies leave welts and it was a gentleman's game. So, Team Scott took home the gold for the afternoon. I took home a victory welt on my left asscheek :-/
Post-paintball, we made like madmen for Chi-town cause we had reservations in Wrigleyville. Dinner at Irish Oaks with a table waiting for us at Moxie. Moxie had a Finlandia vodka special going on with $3 u-call-its and girls walking around with free samples in tiny plastic martini glasses. I told them it was Scott's bachelor party and they hooked him up with a free t-shirt. After Moxie, we cruised across the street to Sluggers b/c it was the only bar without a line outside. Stole a couple of tables and finished out the night. Good times.
I ended up driving Scott from Oak Park to Chicago and back which was a lot of driving for me on Sunday. But it was good to get some time to talk with Scott and catch up on everything. Of course there was the obligatory "are you sure you're ready for marriage" question :-) I guess I've just seen to many marriages that were for all the wrong reasons, as told by the individuals and not assumed by myself, that I lack faith in the system. Scott and Teri (his fiance) seem like the type that will have a great marriage so that brings hope to the rest of us.
I was having dinner with a friend last night and got to thinking. It seems like the years are just slipping by. I realized that I've known Scott for 9 years. Even though we only lived together for two years in college, we remained friends and saw each other at least a couple of times a year. We've seen each other grow up and seeing him get married in August is going to be like seeing a life go full circle. I had a lot of Purdue buddies get married immediately after college and the weddings were fun but it always seemed like too soon. Now it seems like getting married at this age is like taking the next step to growing up. To me its comforting to know that some people will always be a part of my life as I grow up.

I'm still here

2007-06-23T11:09:00.000-04:00

I got the opportunity to uppercut a punkass into a table last night!!! Not really, but it would've been cool. The tent party rocked at Fox n Hound!!! But there were like three bags of douche that thought they could dance and could not. But a great night nontheless. Time to head to Joliet for a bachelor party of epic proportions :-)

I'm done...........

2007-06-22T11:07:00.000-04:00

I'm all tapped out, people. You've taken everything and given nothing. I have absolutely nothing to say today. In fact, I'm going to talk about how I have nothing to say. How fudged up is that? Got my passport in the mail yesterday so I'm now free to move about the country. I'm in the system now. Big brother has a lock on my position and men in white coats are on their fucking way, right now! Where's Morpheus when you need him?
Here's a tidbit that's going to make me sound like a jerk but go fist yerself. I saw the tiniest engagement ring of my life at the bar last night. The messed up part is that it was on this pretty good looking chick. Her dude must have a huge johnson to comp for that tiny ring. I also got the privilege of watching a true hustler in action. Tommy Hilfiger sat down next to me and ordered a pitcher of beer and then asked the female bartender if she could "break a big bill". He was holding a $20!!!! I had the instant drunken urge to laugh him out of the bar but kept it inside. Instead I just gave him a rapist stare until he moved seats and this cool guy, Rob, sat next to me. Rob too had just moved to Indy from South Bend and actually lived in the same apartments as my homey/lover, Raul. Me and Rob.....no, Rob and I, shared a mutual hatred for all things ND and a love for tailgating. He was from somewhere in Africa so he had a cool accent and liked reggae music and Red Stripe beer.
I'm in a very salty mood for some reason today. I have this urge to just be a huge dick to whomever crosses my path. Not good b/c I have a 2nd date with the cool girl from the other day. You know what it is? I get bored with being nice. I have to walk on the wild side to feel alive. I need to test my mortality. I need to do something completely stupid and regrettable or I'm going to dry up into a pile of ash and blow away. There's a pond outside my cube window and I may go down there and try to catch a turtle or two today just to have something interesting to say. There's a tent party at Fox n Hound tonight and I may pick a fight just so I can be properly introduced to the Indy police. I don't know, its just a feeling that's come over me this morning. Honestly, and I've said this before, I feel that I need my ass whupped on a regular, if not daily, basis just to keep my demons in check.
I've got to go out of town for a bachelor party tomorrow but I'll try to blog before I leave just so people know I made it through the night ;-)

You're ruining moving day for all of us.........

2007-06-21T09:08:00.000-04:00

So, I'm supposed to move my stuff to another desk area today. Unfortunately, I'm exhausted from last night and don't feel like doing much of anything. Oh, yesterday, how you ruin me. I had the unfortunate luck of getting screwed by Discount Tire and Toyota on the same day. I bought my tires at Discount a while back and got the free balance and rotation for life. Well, I've been having some vibrations on the highway and decided to get it investigated by Toyota. First, I got my free rotation and balance. I told the rep at Discount I needed a balance and why. So, for free, I got f*cked. Took the car to Toyota yesterday and their diagnosis said the tires weren't balanced. Got to pay for what should've been a free service. Then I go return the rental car they gave me, which I drove to work and right back, only to get charged more than expected b/c the lady that rented it to me didn't have a clue as to the prices.
But, the day did get better. I had a date with a girl from match.com that had to cancel on me last week due to a death in the family. Great time. Great conversation. Great restaurant, Fox n Hound. Even better, liquor store next door ;-) Interesting girl from Quad Cities, IL where I spent a month for training when I was working for Exelon. Works for an insurance company so I need to spin that in my favor ;-) Segway, I owed my buddy, John, $50 cause he covered me for the bachelor party this past weekend. I sent him the dough in a Pi Research envelope with a personalized "suck it, bitch" note inside ;-) Well, he got the envelope and thought it was a private investigation company from Indy and called me in the middle of my date b/c I had scared the crap outta him :-D awesome turn of events. Back to the date: unbeknownst to me, it was "Ladies Night" at FnH. Good setup for a 1st date, right? Naw, it was kool cause we were on the other side of the restaurant from the non-existent action. Anywho, we kicked it at FnH for a while and drank down the supply of Blue Moon with some burgers. She told me her mom told her to make sure she didn't drive directly home so I wouldn't follow. Here's the punch line, she lives in my apartment complex!!! We went back to my place to kick it for a bit and when I walked her home, the 2nd punchline happened, she lives in the same row of apartments as me, just 4 doors down!!! How magnificently awkward. Now I have to move apartments :-( naw, she seems like a cool girl that won't go too psycho on me.........but I've been wrong before and will be wrong again :-/
Anywho, time to make the donuts...........

You take the good, you take the bad, that's the facts of life.....

2007-06-20T08:53:00.000-04:00

Houston, we have a “go” for launch…..
Roger that….3……..2…………1………..lift off.
Comcast came through for me and after dinner last night I was able to surf the matrix at blazin’ speeds while watching explicit sex scenes from Basic Instinct 2. Very disturbing.
Doggie story: I had to go to the main office to get my Comcast equipment and this guy is carrying out this little puppy with the saddest look on its face. I ran inside and got my equipment and the owner and puppy were still in their car next to mine. The window was rolled down and the little dude had its head out the window with the biggest puppy frown ever. I melted so I had to pet her and ask the owner what the breed was b/c she had the face of a boxer pup. It was a PUGGLE!!! (mixture of beagle and pug) And she was salty b/c she had gone to the vet earlier that day to get her shots. I would've liked to stay and play but had to run.
Work story: I finally proved my worth and got four LED warning lamps to operate. I had to create some events based on input channels from a laser level sensor and a linear potentiometer (aka Johnson rod *seinfield tidbit*). Using the events I was able to configure triggers for the individual lamps. The quirky part was the priority attribute. Based on the numerical order of the triggers for the 4-lamp satellite display, the trigger that was number 1 would have priority over number 2 and so forth. So, I was trying to prove that each lamp could be operated one at a time. The trick was to set up hysteresis events that would have dead space between them so that a high priority lamp wouldn’t be active and preventing a lower priority lamp from actuating.
Again, this is why I don’t talk about work too much b/c most people just wouldn’t understand and its for me mostly. So, long story longer, I’m doing okay at work and getting used to everything.
Gym story: my new Cardinal sucks and I was in a rush to get there and done yesterday b/c my buddy, Dan, invited me to dinner with his fiancé and her friend. After running, I was blasting my arms real quick (b/c my brother is attempting to get big so he can beat my ass so I need to stay ahead of the curve) and in the mirror I saw the most beastly woman I have ever seen up close. This chick’s arms and shoulders made me look feminine and petite. She had washboard abs that made me want to take off my clothes and do laundry right then and there. Dear God she was ripped.
Dinner story: this place called Marco’s has $9.95 six ounce fillet mignons on Tuesday. Pretty sweet deal cause you get salad and a potato. I immediately noticed that the waiter was so flamin’ that he was raising the temperature in the room. Halfway through dinner, Dan’s fiancé and her friend informed me that the restaurant was indeed a gay hotspot. Indy is a weird city, man…….weird.

(current Ipod track: Alphaville - Forever Young - Napolean Dynamite Sndtrk)
Just in general, it’s a weird but good feeling when you step back and just let other’s become who they will in life and with no intervention whatsoever, they become the person you knew they could be……………………

2007-06-19T13:25:00.000-04:00

Due to recent denials from match.com, I've decided to update my profile with the following quote from "The Wedding Singer":
"You know what's funny, some of us will never find true love. Like take for instance me, and I'm pretty sure that guy right there, and that lady with the sideburns, and basically everybody at table nine. But the worst thing is, that me, fatty, sideburns lady, and the mutants over at table nine will never ever find a way to better our situations because apparently we have absolutely nothing to offer the oppisite sex."
I'm not sure what the response will be. Maybe I'll remove it in a week or so. I've got two more months before I prove match.com wrong and get another six months free cause I didn't meet anybody worth pursuing. It'd be awesome if they sent me like a plaque or an award for being the most pathetic person in virtual dating. I can't wait :-D

toxic........

2007-06-19T08:33:00.000-04:00

Ain't it a 'b' that you could spend your whole life being healthy and active but give yourself a month off for good behavior and you have to ride the "pain train" back to Valhalla. Toxic is definitely how I felt. It also didn't help that I noticed no one was wiping down work stations after use like it was at the South Bend Cardinal Fitness. Also, noticeably different was the staff. Instead of young adults in matching Cardinal gear, there were two hippy teenage boys in flip flops and shaggy hair cuts. Good way to get a toe amputated. Anywho, so I'm back on the pain train to get to where I once was. The one thing that has always sucked about working a 9-5 is that adding gym time means you get home for dinner around 10pm after all the commuting. I decided to walk to the Logan's across the street only to get denied by the kitchen staff. But, hey, its okay, cause a block and a half down the street is the 'Castle'. I'm not going to lie, I'm pretty stoked by the 'Castle' being so close cause South Bend had some kinda embargo on the good stuff.
Anywho, my car is acting up and giving me heavy vibrations on the highway so I went to get the wheels balanced yesterday after work. I tell ya, Indy people are very trusting. I go into the Einstein bagel next to Discount Tire and they were closing but the girls working there told me I could chill inside for the next 45mins while they cleaned up. I sat at the front with my coffee and kept to myself but those girls were crazy. They could've been found hanging in the deep freeze today. Actually, so could I cause they locked me in with them. It was like an old west standoff to see who was going to go crazy first :-/
Oh, good news, Comcast is bending me over today. Apparently, since analog cable is a thing of the past, they no longer offer a basic cable package with the 7 network channels and a couple Spanish channels for $13. Instead, I have to get digital with the whole shebang for $55. All I really want is the darn high speed Internet. However, I am getting a six month special and free equipment so that's a small bonus.
Oh, even better news, I left my moon roof tilted open last night parked under a hugh tree and it was raining this morning. Not too much water in the car but I can only imagine what kind of creepy crawlies are now dwelling inside my pimp ride. :-/

The first rule of fight club is "you do not talk about fight club"........

2007-06-18T11:47:00.000-04:00

Another weekend bites the dust. Here’s the usual recap as I was too busy to blog any of the days.

Friday: I took a half-day at work to get back to St. John to pack my stuff, yet again, to move to Indy. Luckily, it was a thousand degrees outside so that made packing more enjoyable. I rented a tow haul as well to pull my car back to Indy. Yeah, talk about making 3 right turns to make a left cause I was not going to attempt reverse with that thing. I did a once around in the turn-about near my folks home and parked facing the direction I’d be heading in the morning. Since I finally got a real paycheck, I took my folks to dinner to celebrate and to celebrate Father’s Day since I wouldn’t be in town. We went to this nice log cabin place called “Northwoods”. Our server was sketchy as hell. He introduces himself as Dan even though his “aloha” name sticker says “Pat”. He’s wearing Sylvester Stallone Cobra sunglasses indoors. Freaks, but good food.

Saturday: oh, moving day, how I loathe thee…… Yeah so towing a car isn’t the best of ideas on the highway. The tow haul stated a 45mph limit but the Uhaul rep said I could get that baby up to 65mph on the highway. Every time I made any sudden wiggle movements, the whole contraption would go in to a wiggle harmonic and I’d instantly soil myself. Other highway patrons would give me the stink-eye as they passed. One lady drove almost entirely on the other shoulder as she passed me. I did my best, people!! Again, it was a thousand degrees outside as I approached Indy. I was a one-man wrecking crew. There were a couple near-misses hauling everything up to the 2nd floor but I got it done. On one return trip, I ran into a downstairs neighbor and her dog. Everyone seems to have full size dogs in this complex. Well, this dog took one look at me and I swear I read “delicious meximelt” in its eyes. The ears peeled back and the dog was in attack mode with the owner trying desperately to prevent my demise. Also, on another return trip, I came bounding out of my apartment and scared the crap outta the neighbors from down the hall. I guess they’re not used to seeing half nakid sweaty mexican’s in the hallways. Anywho, I got everything inside and that’s all that matters. My complex has two pools and I was scoping the action while getting my keys, not bad. Hardly any children and most every adult had a can of beer in hand. Unfortunately, most of the girls had a dude with them but that’s cool. As long as there’s eye candy that’s all that matters. After returning all the equipment, I set up my tv (no cable just yet) and put in my OAR concert dvd and cranked the volume. Ben and John came down in the evening ‘cause we had a bachelor party to go to. John was cracking up b/c the only thing in my fridge was a case of Miller Lite long necks. Hey, sometimes, that’s all ya need ;-) Yeah, so bachelor party……..nuff’ said.

Sunday: destroyed is probably the best way to describe me yesterday. I love bachelor parties. I don’t have cable or internet just yet so I was limited to my dvd collection. I went to the Athletic club house to use the computers for internet. There’s a pool, sauna, hot tub there also. Yeah, my apartment complex must have no qualms about adult beverages poolside. All the trash cans were overflowed with beer cans. Awesome. The rest of the day was filled with recovering, unpacking and replenishing bodily fluids. I watched the original “Westside Story” last night. I had to laugh b/c I don’t think gangs and ballet go together in real life. Then, dude kills his girlfriend’s brother and she forgives him b/c he sings a ballad to her. Bonk that noise. Show some loyalty and shiv a mofo.

Well, that’s the weekend in short. I’m officially in Indy now so let the fun begin………

Why, why would you do that.........

2007-06-15T08:43:00.000-04:00

I have no clue where to begin. Worked late yesterday to prove to people that have been working here way longer than me that their software doesn't work the way they think it does. Not a good feeling cause they should know way more than me. Stopped off for a good ol' Penn Station sub on the way home. I had some spicy nacho Dorritos at the hotel that I thought would make good filler before drinking...........yadda yadda yadda........stomache cramps for almost an hour. Apparently, as we get older we become less tolerant to junk food and cheese in general. Tis okay, only a minor setback. I finally realized that the Beer Sellar is only a short walk away from the Days Inn and hoofed it over there yesterday.....which means that I can drunk walk all I want and no problems. It was a crazy night. My new fav bartender was working. She's a 7 out of 10 but once she told me she had a boyfriend she became an instant 10/10. I don't know what my deal is but, of late, I have a habit of finding extreme attraction to bartenders with boyfriends. Anywho, I was just chillin' and give head nods to the other bartenders to let them know that in fact I am a regular now. I busted one dude scamming hard on this pretty blonde that walked past but we "fist bumped" our way past it ;-) This old dude relocated to my position at the front of the bar. He was scamming hard on every squirrel in the place and I caught that he had a hearing aid in!! Gives me something to live up too ;-) So, after 4 pitchers, b/c I was walking and not driving, I make it home. In a typical rage, I pass out half-naked and spend the night sleeping on a friggin' mattress spring on my hip. I limped around all morning trying to get packed to check out. I'm no wuss by any means but damn my hip hurt. Shit, its 11:15am and its still sore. I guess that is my punishment for a night of imbibing. It was worth it ;-)

I love you Super Dave Osborne!!!!

2007-06-14T08:23:00.000-04:00

So, the two head honchos from the UK are in the office today. Fortunately for me, I walk into the office at the same time as them. I’ve met Martin during my interview. When he introduced me to George, I went to remove my sunglasses and shake his hand and promptly spilled my piping hot Einstein Bros coffee on my hand/wrist. To me, that shows dedication…..and my addiction to “E”. I will take a third degree burn to meet you, Sir.
Anywho, pay up sucka!!! Got my first check yesterday but was told to wait till Friday to cash it or the company gets charged a $25 fee. Scandalous? Naw, but my next check will be direct deposited so I won’t have to deal with it.
Ocean’s 13 review: only Jews and Commies would find that movie remotely funny. I guess this is the summer of suck ass sequels and trilogies. Pitt and Clooney do their best but Damon is just awkward as is Cheadle. Motivational letters? Its Vegas, get me a showgirl and I’ll be cheer-io in no time. Yeah, the boat was definitely missed on this one. The ending scene has me a bit puzzled. I get the reference that Clooney made to Pitt to “get settled down and have a couple kids” (ie Angelina Jolie and adopted/bastard Asian children) but Pitt’s “try to not gain so much weight between now and the next time” has me puzzled. The only thing I can think of is that Clooney had a few, extremely few extra pounds in Syriana. I’d watch the movie again just for the cool gadgets and trickery. I don’t think it’s a good movie to watch while imbibing………especially if you’re imbibing in Vegas b/c they make rigging a casino look like a day job. If I was Vegas, I’d be insulted. Oh, and Pacino sucked as a casino manager. Gold Samsung cellphone my hairy bum…………

Do the BBC.......and get a free glass.

2007-06-13T09:07:00.000-04:00

Yeah, so I decided to do a little shopping last night. There’s this fancy mall across the street that has upscale stores for the most part. I needed some clothes for “casual Friday” at work cause I’m not going to be a busta like last week. I use the Saks Fifth Avenue entrance and speed-walk to the mall exit before a sales rep takes my first born for a pair of socks, nice socks, but still just socks. I’m just people/store gazing and find a Buckle. Typically, I do not buy at the Buckle b/c they want your first born child’s kidney for a pair of jeans. I walk in, feeling a bit saucy, and the sales rep, who was super helpful, asks what I was looking for and turns out the Buckle has the perfect style of jeans for bar/work, stylish but not too distressed that they become work-inappropriate. So, I try on my usual size, 36, and I’ve got room for Kate Moss in the waist band. I ask for a 34 and, dear Lord, I was in 2nd Heaven (1st Heaven was my lunch at Maggiano’s). I didn’t care the cost or the trickery, I haven’t worn a size 34 since high school, and these jeans were mine. Plus, I looked like a million bucks in these jeans. My ass was fantastic! ;-) Chances are that the Buckle either builds ‘em big or mislabels their jeans but I was paying for the dream/fantasy.
So, I keep on shopping, looking for a polo. Buckle had nuffin so I made my way around the entire mall. Yeah, Abrocromie and Fitch can eat two scoops of my fat ass. Every shirt in there was made for a 15 yr old Ethiopian female. I put on an XL adult polo and almost had to pay for it b/c I “hulked” it. Ironically, it was green too :-D I end up back at the Gap, which had the perfect polo sitting on display right as I walk in the door. I’m in line trying to pay and as usual there’s some dipper trying to find an expired coupon to get 4 cents off a shirt. The sales rep calls in back up. This dude, no shit, sha-swayed his way from the fitting room to the register, jazz hands and all. If there ever was stereo-typical fruitcake, this dude was it. And I’m not a homophobe………but this story gets worse. Some typical Gap 90’s hip hop song comes on the speaker system and this guy, who’s taking his sweet time logging on to the register, starts beboppin’. It wouldn’t have been inappropriate but he starts “Duffman” pelvic thrusting in my direction. There was a little “stripper-esque” hip swayin’ too but mostly “Duffman” thrusts. I tried to look away but I knew what was going on so I had the mental image burned in the frontal lobe.
What’s the best part of Tuesday? Hooter’s!!! This time I forgoed the wings for the chix breast sangwich. Summer special is a large Miller Lite for $3.50. Can’t shake a stick at that. Unfortunately, the service sucks at this Hooter’s but they have a ton of flat screens so I had WSOP and the Cleveland game for my entertainment. After dinner, I lost the epic battle within man and found myself at the bar next door, Beer Sellar. It’s cool though b/c I’m establishing my “regular” status at the Sellar. Tuesday's special was a free pint glass with purchase of Kentucky BBC, Bluegrass Brewing Company, wheat ale. I only stuck around for a few b/c I was ridin’ on about 2hrs of total sleep. Got back to my hotel room and got 6 hrs of glorious sleep. I even accidentally woke up at 3am and went right back to R.E.M. sleep. Great afternoon/night.

Work Update: I know that this blog has been mostly my personal life in Indy but that’s cool b/c I wasn’t sure where I was going with this blog. Work is another aspect of my life. Those that know me know that I typically focus on the negative aspects of any job. Co-workers, bosses, customers, paycheck, work in general, whatever. Not for a pity party or anything, just liked to gather ‘round and bitch about stuff to kinda vent. Well, I’ve been blindsided by a damn good job. My co-workers are cool. My boss buys me lunch when he’s around, even an Einstein bagel on Monday. I’m finally pulling in a decent paycheck. The drive to work is hassle free. There’s free coffee and snacks in the break room. We have the ED-209 water cooler (yeah, that was a Robocop reference). So, basically, I’m in foreign waters right now. I’ve got a light load at work with just going through some training material trying to get up to speed on the systems and applications. I’ll probably start traveling to customers the end of this month. For travel and track side, they’ve given me a ton of Pi clothing. For free. I got three pairs of Eddie Bauer pants yesterday, didn’t even ask for them. The dude in charge just dropped them off at my desk. I got two jackets, like five shirts, waiting for a pair of shoes. Pretty cool…………

How Guys Die.......

2007-06-12T11:30:00.000-04:00

Pretty gruesome but the informed reader is better prepared.

http://health.msn.com/centers/mensexualhealth/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100164474&page=1

Here I go again on my own..........

2007-06-12T08:13:00.000-04:00

goin' down the only road I've ever known.
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone.
An' I've made up my mind, I ain't wasting no more time.............

Got my 1st match.com denial yesterday. They have these generic automated rejections the user can use. Apparently my "lifestyle" wasn't kosher. Which doesn't make much sense b/c its not like I put "recreational drug use" as a hobby......I put it as a personality trait. j/k ;-)
Anywho, I'm not really tore up about it but due to an over-active brain, I found myself scanning through 38 pages of matches at 2 am.....yadda yadda yadda.......needless to say I'm exhausted today.
My buddy, Dan, bought me an Einstein bagel yesterday and so now I'm hooked on the "E", as we call it in the streets. I stop in at this one on the way to work and the totally not my match girl behind the counter opens up with "what can I do to you today?". She followed up with a "what can I get for you today?" but the damage was done. I guess if the Engineering thing doesn't work out then I can just sue half the local businesses that have crossed the line in the week and a day that I've been here.

Weekend recap for the sports fans........

2007-06-11T08:24:00.000-04:00

Friday:
Apparently no one in Indy knows how to navigate a six lane highway when there's an emergency vehicle on the shoulder. Everyone likes to slow down to a crawl and stare while getting into the left lanes. Me? I'm the guy who knows how to move over while maintaining speed but since I'm the only one that makes me the guy slamming on his brakes whilst simultaneously defecating and having a coronary heart attack. That's okay cause Dane Cook saved my life on Friday. Exhausted from my first week of actual work in two months, I was taking 20 min catnaps on I-65 @ 79mph. Grabbed my Ipod and tuned into Dane Cook's "Retaliation" disc 1 and 2. Laughed my ass off the whole way home and didn't even get mad when I exited like 10 miles too soon and had to take country roads to get home. I eventually arrived home safely, case of Miller Lite in tote. Had a few beers and watched tv till I passed out without realizing it. Now the rest of the events are truely unknown but we can testiculate on them. I woke up after passing out with the TV on, had to hit the head, for some reason went not to the spare bathroom but the master bathroom in my parent's bedroom. Here's where the details get very sketchy, my mom woke up b/c she heard a ruckus in the bathroom and was the 1st to respond to the crime scene.......after I left it ;-) Apparently, my aim was a little off and the bathroom vanity was broke. The next morning, I tried to recall the events to the jury and do remember waking up with the TV still on and then I was in the bathroom and then for some reason I was trying to open a drawer on the vanity, only it wasn't a draw but a fake drawer front. Well, for those that don't know, I work out, and yeah, ripped the false drawer front off the vanity. I then proceeded to lean it up against the wall and return to the couch for the rest of the night. Bathroom Vanity: 0 Rocky: 1................bitch.

Saturday:
A mutual friend of my brother and mine was in need of muscle. Since I work out and she drove our collective drunk asses around to some bars in Hammond a few weeks back, I volunteered to assist. Apparently, she owned this 800lbs couch and her brother-in-law needed help moving it. When he gets there, his wife looks at me and says "how much can you bench?". She goes on to tell a story of the last person that helped move this piece of furniture and how even though he was a big guy he was no help whatsoever. Harry, the brother-in-law, said he thought the guy was going to cry halfway through the moving process. Turns out the fella was my brother's life partner and roommate, John. We all had a good laugh over that and I was sure to tell my parents the story so my dad can give John shit next time he sees him. So, I spend the entire afternoon busting my hump but it was kool b/c Harry thought I was the shit and told his sister-in-law that the couch ain't ever moving again cause I was moving to Indy and wouldn't be around to help.
It was my brother's birthday Sunday so we decided to tear it up Saturday night. He had called me earlier in the week and wanted to do a man-date with John and me. No bitches no problems. We decided to jump the train to Chi-town cause there was some festivals in town. My uncle also decided to come out which was cool b/c even though he doesn't drink he's good for convo. After getting cleaned up I get to my bro's b/c he lives a block and a half from the train station, only to find out that his life partner turned female and sold out. John was already in Chi-town selling out hard. I proposed the idea of getting our beer-muscles on and hunting him down for sport. John's kinda a fat slow kid and sure enough, in a city of millions, we run right into him heading to some bar. But, I digress, so we hop the train and go to this great English pub, Elephants & Castles, for food and ale. Then, we're walking the five blocks to this bar my brother likes and my uncle saves me from stepping in HUMAN FECES!!!! Someone dropped trough right by the EL train entrance staircase. And worse yet, someone else had already stepped in it and smeared it all around. Some sick fucks in Chicago. We should've thrown John in it.
Anywho, the first bar was dead so we jump in a cab to go to Maggie O'Shea's. What we didn't know was that the cabbie was ex-NASA and had installed a rocket engine on his cab. Now I've been in cabs that do 90 mph down Lakeshore Drive but this guy was "red light racing" downtown. We come to a screeching halt and Ben, who's riding shotgun, goes "woah, didn't know this was a roller coaster" and my uncle is searching for his seat belt. Me? I was trying to digest the Fat Tire Ale we had before we got in the cab. I was pretty much on the verge of puking before getting into the cab and was now about to seal the deal. We ended up jumping out of the cab a block early just to avoid certain death. We get into the bar, score some miller lites and vanilla Cohiba cigars. I'm people watching and this couple posts up next to us. The girl, who's kinda cute, is obviously drunk and the dude was more than obviously sporting wood for her. The main reason I'm watching this train wreck is b/c she's not exactly being responsive to his attempts to hold her face in place so he can make out with her and I was looking for the opportunity to bottle a muthafucka, just needed the reason. Well, I'm watching and starting to read lips and the girl is protesting his barbarian attempts to be Rico Sauve b/c she's married and he's married and not to each other. I then notice the rings on their fingers. Yet another shining example of why not to get married. After that I let it go b/c they both get what they deserve. The worse part was that even though she was a petitie blonde, she had a helluva hook nose that was discolored like it was just broke. We joke with my brother about his nose being a bit big and even he was like "damn, that bitch's nose makes mine look small".
The rest of the night was uneventful fun drinking. We go to the scariest train stop in chicago at 12:40am to get back to hammond. We bid my uncle ado as he heads home and we head into a bar down the street my Ben's house. We toss back a few more to cap off the night and then order a 24oz beer, pay for it, and walk right out of the establishment. Laws be damned cause we ordered ours to go ;-P
Sunday:
Wake up with a terrific hangover. Ben's friend, Ava, is coming over to visit for his b-day and I had wanted to meet her so he wakes me up and I try to get my shit together. I grab a beer and go outside where they're sitting and chatting. She looks at me and says "Do you always wake up to Miller Lite" and Ben's like "on a good day......" We're just chillin' and I'm watching traffic when I see a car pass by that looks just like my sweet old grandma's. Well, Ava's car was blocking my line of sight else I would've seen the car stop and park b/c it was my sweet old grandma. Thank god the neighbors ran interference so I could chug my beer and toss the bottle. My grandma is the sweetest person and prays for my soul all the time so I do my best to stay in her good grace. It was kool though b/c my uncle came back over and John woke up and the five of us just chilled with my brother talking and being family. Tear-jerkin' but those moments mean a lot to me b/c I've been estranged for a long time now. I've been trying to do my best to find my way back to my family cause in the end they're all you gots.
Eventually, ben and me head to my parents so they could see him for his b-day and I had to pack my stuff to get back to Indy. I'm getting used to that drive down I-65 from St. John. I had to check back into the hell-hole of a Days Inn b/c Formula 1 racing is this weekend and everyone else was raising their rates. This time I got a nice room that didn't have sticky carpet or a funky odor. I went to grab dinner at this rustic lodge called Loon Lake Lodge. They have an actual old ski boat hanging upside down over the bar. They have some really good fish that they can cool like eight different ways. Good stuff. I ended up staying away till 1am to watch Dane Cook's "Vicious Circle" on HBO so I'm exhausted today. Good way to end a great weekend................

Oh, oh its magic.....you know its true.......

2007-06-08T07:42:00.000-04:00

So, 1st Thirsty Thursday in Indy and it couldn't have went better.........or could it? :-/ I hit up Uno's for some delicious Chicago deep dish for 1. They have a special Sam Adam's beer made just for them that sucks ass burping up. Not good for a gaseous person such as myself.
Went back to the Beer Sellar and parked in the easy escape area to get back to my hotel. Got carded and had to pay a $5 cover for the live music to be played later. Corby's never charged a cover on Thursday or carded me for the past year :-( Posted up at the bar for $6 domestic pitchers. Again, Corby's charged $4 and I miss it dearly, especially since Craig thought it would be cool to txt msg me all night about how cool Corby's is. But unlike Corby's, there were females in attendance at the Sellar. Two in particular were doing a Jager promo and were in fishnet stockings, short black skirt and corset tops looking a fucking 11 out of 10. Anywho, was getting my drink on and noticed the two girls a couple seats down playing the touch screen game on the bar were trying to get quarters for a bunch of dimes. The female bartender, who was tossing me the "eye" all night, was being a busta and claimed that the bar needed its quarters. I spy a change machine across the bar near the bathrooms. So, on my first piss break I go get a dollar in change. I get back and lean over to the girls and put the quarters on the bar and ask if the needed the change then dismissed the quarters with a wave of the hand and go back to my delicious pitcher of beer. After a while, when they're done playing with the game, the one I gave the quarters too turns and starts talking to me. When her friend came back from the bathroom she sat next to me and entered the convo. Erin and Majencia. Two really cool chicks from Fishers. To be honest, I was diggin' Maj cause she reminded me of this girl that used to chase after me in high school. So, I'm telling them my reason for being in town and asking what they do. After talking for maybe 30 mins, Maj offers their spare bedroom to me for housing for next week (I don't move into my apt till da 16th). If all Indy peps are this cool then I'm going to love living here. So, Erin, being cool, hooks her girl up and enters my number into Maj's phone for her. Eventually, they took off with promises to meet up on Sunday when I get back into town. (yeah, I decided this morning that getting a hotel room is probably a better idea than living with total, but hot, strangers)
I have a huge problem with getting crushes on my female bartenders. Before I started talking to Erin and Maj, I was playing cat and mouse with bartender and was thinking to myself that I needed to bring in a female friend to make her jealous.........well, I think mission was accomplished last night :-)
I woke up this morning lovin' being me :-D

I'm not really a man, actually I'm a woman!

2007-06-07T08:21:00.000-04:00

*takes off man costume*
Actually, I'm not a woman, I'm a horse!
*takes off woman costume*
Actually, I'm not a horse, I'm a broom.
*takes off costume and drops on floor*

Yeah, so amateur hour at Match.com central. Somehow my profile changed to a 27-yr old woman seeking men. Even more so awkward, my buddy Ed's profile showed up in my search list. Even more so depressing, it was just Ed and one other dude that matched me :'-( The website refused to accept my repeated attempts to make myself a MAN!!!!! So, a "strongly" worded email to the customer care center made me a man again..........despite all the tissues on the floor :-/

You know what's the best part about working again? Besides having a reason to wake up everyday, having to actually care about your hygenie and appearance. Yup, when I first got laid off I just let it go and had my best attempt at an unemployment beard in like three weeks cause I just can't grow facial hair. So what?!? You wanna make sumfin of it?!?!?! Anywho, now I get the opportunity/burden of shaving every day or so. To most this wouldn't be a problem. However, the good Lord in all his grace decided that my beauty shall be a curse and no razor will ever fit my face. Its Rambo: First Blood Part 16 every morning. I just stare in the mirror and repeat "if you're going to send that many men then don't forget one thing.........a good supply of body bags........." And may God bless P-Diddy for making aftershave from the Devil's urine. I'm sure my Days Inn neighbors appreciate the blood-curling scream wake-up call. I know I appreciate them immediately knocking on the door b/c it wakes me from my unconsious state on the bathroom floor :-D

That was a crazy game of poker.........

2007-06-06T09:10:00.000-04:00

I don't care what you do in life, give birth, lend a helping hand, find a cure for cancer, if you never take the opportunity to see a O.A.R. concert live then you live the incomplete life. I say this b/c you'll never see O.A.R. on MTV or VH1 or bastardized in some promo gig. They're not one hit wonders nor billboard chart toppers. However, they are a great band. I had the pleasure of seeing their documentary "Behind the Backline" in theater last night. Of the 100+ seats only 20 or so were filled. No matter. We that have been to a live show got to relive the magic you feel at an O.A.R concert. The band really makes you feel a part of the show and the performance. Their summer tour is kicking off so hopefully work doesn't have me traveling on July 25th b/c O.A.R. will be in Indy.
Last night's glory was elevated by the Landmark Theater in the Keystone Fashion Mall. Landmark has come to the intelligent conclusion that the movie experience can only be positively enhanced through libations. There's the Indie Lounge attached to the theater and patrons of age are allowed to take their libations into the theater. Friggin' awesome except for my pathetically small and girl-like weak bladder. But it was kool b/c there a girl from a local music store selling the O.A.R. 2 disc concert dvd that I was watching on the big screen in the lobby. I was like "is this what I'm watching right now" and once confirmed I bought the set for street value. I must now erect a theater-esque viewing room so I may relive the magic over and over :-D
The night was topped off by delicious Hooter's hot wings and cold beer. There was this bar/grill next door called Beer Skellar (pronounced cellar) so I decided to check it out since it was in the same parking lot as my hotel. Nice place. The first bar I've ever seen with Camel No. 9s stocked. So, after a few beers I head home to my rathole of a Days Inn. Now, I'm not sure who or what's to blame cause I love wing, beer and smokes but the combo did not go gently into the night. I could blame the skanky waitress for not bringing me the fortifying curly fries like I had ordered but I like skanky waitresses. So, I find myself returning the wings to the earth from which they came. Be no mistaking it, not to the sewer system, to the earth. Couldn't make it all the way inside b/c a simple belch turned into a horrific shower of semi-digested hot wings. Luckily for me, no one came out of the hotel side door that I was at and I didn't get any on my clothes. Unluckily for me, the crime scene was still fresh this morning........staring at me as I did my walk of shame to my car to go to work.......head hung low......... Ha! As if I gave a damn ;-) Better out than in. In fact, I think that the good lord didn't want me to gain weight from eating so close to bedtime and commanded me to purge my body like a teenage hollywood starlet.

hell hole

2007-06-04T21:58:00.001-04:00

I am officially staying the in the ninth ring of hell. I just found a moth feasting on my work pants hanging by the door!!!!!!! When I first got here the room smelled like Indian Islamic ASS so bad that I had to go to the grocery store and get Febreeze to attack the odor. I had to put a pillowcase on the desk chair so it wouldn't impregnant my pants. This place sucks.

1 day down......7300 to go........

2007-06-04T21:24:00.000-04:00

Well, the first day could've went worse. Got up on time. Got to work before almost everyone else. The new job is exciting as heck with lots of opportunity. A lot of anxiety over where I want to live though. Also, I kinda screwed da pooch and didn't "demand" a relocation package up front so I may be living in a hotel for a while till I get a couple of paychecks. But the situation has made me realize that I need to sort out my priorities. Which are paying off my debt and not blowing my paycheck every week. I was orginally looking for an apartment that had a garage for my motorcycle which is broke right now and in need of costly repairs. After venting to my mom, who called to see how day 1 went, I realized that the motorcycle is the least of my worries and only going to cause more problems than solve. With my new job, I may be doing some week long traveling right away and without a garage, my motorcycle would be subjected to the freakin' savages of the world, thus causing more problems. There is a cool area in Indy that I want to live b/c of the night life options and a gym that I belong to. I'm just worried that I may end up in more trouble than its worth.........but its located on Monon Trail which is this huge, long biking/running/walking trail that goes for a while through Indy and its suburbs. I think it would be worth the risk for a year or so. Plus co-workers live near there and all my co-workers are pretty cool.
Anywho, so work went well and got to spend the 2nd half of the day just searching for a place to live. My buddy that recruited me bought me lunch since it was my first day. Usually, everyone demands that the new recruit buys lunch or donuts for a while. Oh, yeah, reminds me, thank god the brits love their coffee and tea. Free coffee and tea and some snacks in the canteen area. For those that have ever worked with me, I drink coffee from the moment I get to work til I leave :-) However, that doesn't explain why I'm friggin' exhausted right now. The stress of looking for a place to live is deteriorating me.
Yeah, so I go to get something to eat at the Penn Station sub place across from my hotel and the 35 yr old G.E.D. failure behind the counter not only messed up my name but handled my credit card with greasy oily fingers and then gave it back to me. My hand felt like I just jacked off an elephant ;-) I looked at my order ticket and he spelled my name "Rookie" after I said, clearly, "Rocky", twice. The dude giving me my food called out "Rookie" and I jumped on it right away. But I felt an explanation was in order and we had a good laugh over it :-D
Well, almost time for Family Guy. And then some serious sleep. Tomorrow's going to be another long day. An example of how kool my supervisor and company is, Dan, my direct boss, is so concerned with me finding a place to live that he told me to take as much time off the work clock to find a place as I needed, even though he gave me work to do while he's in Kansas. Awesome. Dan's only 3 years older than me but hey, we Purdue grads have to stick together.
I'd like to take this moment to mushroom stamp ND alumni with the exception of Raul b/c I owe him full frontal pictures ;-)

25th Hour

2007-06-03T19:15:00.000-04:00

Well, its Sunday, June 3rd and I've decided to start documenting my life. I have a friend that does this type of thing and he kinda inspired me to do so. The other reason is that I'm about to begin a new life......and I have a Dougie Howser fetish ;-)
Naw, but I am about to start a new job in a new city and basically have the world at my disposal. I did attempt to start over about year and some change ago but that didn't exactly go so well. Old habits die hard I guess. Plus, I made the error of trying to control what I could/should not. I've licked my wounds and am still standing here today.
So, here at ground zero, what can be expected of this blog? Well, those who know me know I'm not exactly everyone's "cup of tea". However, I am truthful. I have no reason to lie. I can be a bit long winded and very expletitive at times (ie XXX-rated). I do try to bring humor to the horror and vice versa. However, believe me, I'm not looking for sympathy or pity......not even understanding. This will be my vent to the world as the way I see it. You, the reader, are free to take it or leave it. Feel free to comment wherever applicable but I remain "SUPREME EDITOR OF THE WORLD" on this blog as its my bitch ;-)
Well, time to put the women and children to bed and go looking for fuckin' dinner......and a few brews :-D