Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh............................

Capital F to the U to the C to the big K. I've been marooned again. This time in Wichita of all places. I'm just mad cause I'm bored as hell. I could seriously scream my pathetic lungs out right now in the terminal just to see what happens. Ey-yi-yi, life just sucks. I get outta work early after getting my ass handed to me for a couple of hours only to leave the main airport bar cause of this really creepy guy that I didn't want to have to deal with only to find the next bar closes early cause Wichita is so small and po-dunk that they close their airport early on Saturdays. I swear if it wasn't for the free internet connection then I'd go insane. I'm just tired and stressed and fucking lonely. I am excited to go to Denver for the night and be "that guy" that has a 12 hour layover and gets a room for the night and goes to the seedy strip bar by the airport :-D Actually, I am pretty tired so I may just get a jacuzzi suite and plenty of booze and chill for the night. I have to be back at the airport at 5am so I'm not going to the LoDo for the night. I need to get back to Indy cause I'm supposed to be in a go-kart pit crew tomorrow. I'm the "Jack Man". I get to lift the back of the kart so the "Lube Man" can lube the chain. I may burn my face off in a horrible twist of fate ;-)
Anwho, the work trip happened at 4:58pm on Thursday and I left Indy at like 6am Friday so life's been shitty in that manner. I'm just super stressed cause I'm no ARINC 429 expert and have been getting my ass handed to me by people that should know more about it than me. I don't mind too much cause I'm like the ARINC-Deity now. Yes, I may bitchslap you in ways you didn't know possible. But still stressed..........so very stressed...................oh and to top it off, my virginal brother is getting more ass than me and he likes to brag about it :-/ Naw, you know I'm not that petty. Hats off to those taking their tops off ;-) Like I said the other day, I'm just bored.........so very bored.......................

Very bad indeed...............superBad.................

I woke up to the book of revelations written on my arm in eyeliner and blue pen. Thank God they don't tattoo you if you're drunk. Thank God for Chick-fil-A. Well, that was an interesting night. To say the least. I ended up putting my O.A.R. concert dvd on the tele and jamming until the wee hours of the night. Although I should've just called in sick, I'm at work and do not want to be. Actually, when do I ever want to be...............................

just a hint...........

going to be a very.............very...................bad.............night......................c u in da moring............

me homer? you marge?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...................did i ever tell you about the time I beat Nuclear security????????????? policy is that if you smell/reek of alcohol, then "for cause" testing immediately with revoke of unescorted access. well, 1 day I walk into the main gate house and had just popped a Listerene breathe strip to avoid offensive breathe due to the smoke I had on the drive in................a very important supervisor stopped me and a union fuckbag b/c he had smelled "alcohol" between da both of us on the way in....................too funny.............Me, being the brains of the operation ;-) quickly whipped out my pack of breath strips to prove to the undergraduate class of 1979 that me and douchebag were not in fact drunk but victims of a poor ploy to catch Al-Quida (sp?) hahahahahahahaha (ie bin ladin).....(ie alladin)......;-)
anywho, fock me.........fock you.......fock everyone..........pass da bottle..................

shiraz.....shiraz.......sherry..........

hahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahhaahhahahah.........................perhaps I am drunk..............perhaps I am not.................."She's The Man" might quite possibly be the funniest movie this decade.................perhaps not...........hahahahahahahahahaha.........................Yes, I have decided that my mind is no longer my own. Up is down..........Left is right..............Wrong is Wrong.........but................[yellow tail] Shiraz is delicious........................... ;-)

I fought the law and the law won................

Yup, I've finally drank myself stupid. I'm heading home after a long day of work and got diverted by some cops cause of a prior accident on "dead man's curve" on my way home. I needed new shoes so I stopped by Kohl's to check out the scene. Nuffin for me so I go to head to Shoe Carnival for a real deal. Well, as I carefully exit the parking lot, a two-fer happened. One, some dipshit was taking his sweet ass time coming down the main isle and Two, I had a brain fart. I decided to get out in front of the slow moving truck. Well, unfortunately, my light-weight front-wheel drive car likes to squeal tires in such a situation. Usually, I enjoy sounding like a BAMF! but today I heard someone yell out "Hey", to which I ignored and kept on going. Well, the Marion County officer caught up to me at the next red stop light. Unfortunately, the brain fart was still pending and I have been extremely bored with life in general these days. As I pulled over and prepared to face the officer, I decided I'm not going down without a fight. I was going to stand up for all of us regular joes that get a bad name from assholes that fuck-up like its their job. So, as the officer starts yelling, I start defending my position and explaining the physics of a Toyota Corolla. I remain in an exasperated tone the whole time as the cop keeps heating up. Yeah, no pity party for me. He drops out the ultimate attitude adjuster, "You wanna go to jail?!?!?!?!". I'm not going to even lie, I almost said "yes" just to break the monotony of my day. Instead, I turned into bitch-mode and apologized for everything and agreed with everything the big bad man had to say. Eventually, he did explain that he just came from the accident at Dead Man's Corner where a lady tailgating another car lost control and ran over the lawnmower guy. So, I did understand the copper's position that he'd seen enough today but still, I was in the mood for some jail time. He took my License and Registration back to his car for like two seconds, calmed down and then came back and in a copper way, validated that maybe I wasn't driving recklessly and had made a poor decision in the parking lot that was not worth jail time. Then, he opened his heart to me and explained how tired he was of the traffic-time shift cause of all the accidents he had to deal with and he was switching to third shift. Still, I remained in bitch-mode and gave him all the empathy and sympathy I could without physically handing over my testicles. I took my sweet time getting to the 'Carnival to get new work shoes and then some White Castles for din-din. Eh, rock bottom has never felt so much like home.................................

Oh, your parents would be so proud..........

Well, don't really feel like typing but got some interesting photos from breakfast club for the Purdue vs Central Michigan. It was a crazy morning (cause yes, that's how we do it in West Lafayette). Some dude tried claiming he was more "emo" than me to which I flashed him the spike studded bracelet on my left wrist that was going to be upside his head and he bowed the fuck down!!! BOILER UP!!!!!

So sad, what alcohol does on to the youth of today.............

Long over due..............

Well, sorry for the delay, readers. Life's been trippy, hombre. So much to tell, so very few keystrokes. Where to begin? I got back from the UK in one piece. You'll have to contact me or find me in person for the stories. I got back in time for my boy's father to pass on to a better place. God speed, Mr. Marcisz. Unfortunately, I was not able to make the funeral cause work was sending me off again. It wasn't work's fault, there was shit to do and I am expendable. They hooked me up and allowed me to leave early for Cali so that I could visit my boy, Lenzo, in Vegas. Now before you assume the worse, I wasn't going to Vegas for Vegas, I was going for some chicken soup for the soul. Lenzo and I had a great afternoon the day I left. Reminsing on old time, high school times. It was just great to have someone that knows me so well to talk to. He's been a second brother to me since he became friends with my brother, Ben. Its the little things that makes life tolerable. Ya know?
The traveling, well welcomed, has been taking its toll on me. Shit, I haven't seen the inside of a gym in like five weeks. Been drinking every night. Not out of spite but out of nothing better to do. As I left for yet another work trip, found out that my old high school friend that I haven't spoken to in a while took her own life. I don't know why, not that it matters, but just another brick in the wall. I really don't feel sad and could almost understand why. Fuck me for honesty, but sometimes this life is just harder than it has to be. All that goodwill talk about grass is green and better days, well that adds up to about jack shit most of the time. God speed, Jen Lunsford. May the good Lord take you into his good grace despite any fault.
So, work has been work. I've done my best to still hang with friends that I've made in Indy. Even that's been hard. Yes, it has made me wonder if maybe I need a different job. Nope, I just got to do what I'se gots to do. I found out today from my supervisor that the new VP appreciates me very much and likes me as a person. Good vibe. I also found out in the UK that I'm being taxed so much cause my supervisor doesn't want to do what I was hired to do. It was a bit disheartening cause I thought it would be me and him against the world..........as always, its me against the world. Same old same old. I can take it............I think.........I hope. I have been having some good times in Indy so not all is bleak. Its just hard sometimes trying to establish a life when I'm gone so much. Again, maybe its just what I have to do to get to better times. Or not. I know I'll figure it out.
Funny story, I got hazed in the UK :-D My boy, Dan, had an old photo of me from a Purdue breakfast club where I was cross dressing as a female and the guys in the UK made a "Wanted Dead or Alive" poster of it. Too funny.
Well, I guess there's more to tell but I don't really feel like it. Wait a minute, another good story. I had a support trip when I was in the UK and afterwards I was mending the long day at a pub when the Mexican in me came out and I g-ed (ie stole) an imperial pint glass to bring back to the UK. Then, I get back and Dan wanted to organized a scavenger hunt in a couple weeks. Well, I kept practicing and ganked an ash tray and pen from Fox n Hound. Again, the Mexican in me ;-) Hey, its all in fun and games. I had to sneak the ash tray out in the crack of my ass practically!!!!
Eh, life is what it is...................

How'd you hurt that hamstring? Nam..........

My life is pretty much mostly about new beginnings and trying new things and not missing out on anything. Well, I decided to finally get a massage. I'm at the Eaglewood Resort & Spa for my buddy's wedding. I was at the pool which is next to the spa and got to thinking that I should just do it already. That and maybe it'll relax me so I can get some fuckin' sleep already. I tell you it was a truely remarkable experience. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to get too much tranquil time in before the massage cause I had to go to my room to get my credit card and some jackass was holding up the elevator and then I had to change and what not. But once I got under the skillful hands of this Ukranian or Romanian lady, I was butter. I've been having this pain in my rhombizodial muscle and I know she found it cause she paid attention to that spot and asked me questions and what not. Sadly, no happy ending but that's okay too. Although it was nice to have a female touching me. If it had been a dude then I might be telling this story in a different light :-/
Anywho, almost time for wedding rehersal and a steak dinner. Yup, its official, I'm the last man standing. Another one bites the dust and I continue on. Foot steps in the sand...........................

I'm like this big bear with these big f-ing claws and I don't know how to kill the little bunny rabbit..............

I love being me. So, we have this ice cream social at the office building for all the companies that share the building, sponsored by the building owner. Well, I lead my band of merry men downstairs for some good ol' ice cream. There's a real estate company on the 1st floor that is composed mostly of women. Yeah, the whole event was like an 8th grade dance. Girls on one side and boys on the other. So, the older ladies send over their youngest female employee to break the ice. Man, it was a sight to see. We didn't even speak to her like she was human. Everyone was tripping over their tongues to talk and there was plenty of foot-in-mouth disease going around. Apparently, I was the most embarassing cause I told her that we were D.A.G.s (data acquisitions guys/geek), which is a term the race world uses and I didn't know that it was derogatory towards the employees. So, after the embarassingly awkward interlude, we go upstairs and I get harangued mercilessly by my co-workers. I had fat dudes telling me they could get a chick better than me. I threw down the gauntlet and said "f-it, let's go to a bar right now", its 3pm in the afternoon :-/ Some of us had already planned on going to happy hour and Dan had gotten this girl, Kelly, business card so without telling anyone, I email her and invite her to happy hour. She accepts and I still keep it to myself. Dan, Jeremy and I go to Fox n Hound and I still keep it inside. When Kelly walked in, Dan's mouth hit the floor!!!! I got a text today from the fat guy giving me props. I've been giggling about it all day. Too hilarious. Yeah, Kelly's okay but she's got a man and what not and I don't think she's in to me or vice versa. The guys in the office did get a laugh over her business card b/c its got a glamour shot of her on it. Seriously, she doesn't look half as hot in person. Weird. Anywho, the good news is that the Stiffmeister still has the proveribal "it"......................

I'm a riot? You're a fucking riot!!!!! Get it..............

Okay, this shit is long overdue. Eye-yi-yi, where to begin? Last Thursday rocked hanging with Travis in Broad Ripple. Didn’t stay out late cause had to work on Friday but got caught up on his awesome honeymoon details. I need to get married already just for the honeymoon part. Oh, and the Miller Chill girls were out an about so I got a ton of free fake tats and a t-shirt. Travis, Jeff and I made plans to meet up again on Friday in Broad Ripple. Work was same old same old and my buddy, Dan, expressed interest in grabbing a beer that night. So, I figure the more the merrier. By the time everyone came out we had a small table rockin’ with like seven peps at the Broad Ripple Tavern (BRT). It was an awesome night. Couple of Irish Carbombs and good stories told all around. We met up at like 8pm, around 11pm the Hotties came out. My buddy, Neal, and I are the last people at Pi that are single so Dan busts our chops so the married folk can live vicariously through us :-D He was disappointed on Monday cause I didn’t make Neal, a shy Brit, talk to any girls but I’m just not that guy. I let others get into their own mess cause I’m too busy rollin’ in mine.
So, the night ends well and I figure that was the high point of my weekend. Hmmm………nope. I wake up torn on Saturday and just kinda lie around watching tv and nursing my hangover. I was supposed to go to a Highlife club interview but I don’t need to interview or pay for friends so I say “fuck shoes!!!!” (if you know anything about Dane Cook and his history with shoes then you’ll understand). Well, I was expecting Highlife to call me all preachy and bitchy for missing my interview so when I got a phone call from a strange area code, I had no trouble ignoring it. That was until the same number called my work phone. My buddy Cory was trying to get ahold of me and my bro hooked him up with my work number. Good thing cause Cory had an extra ticket to Dave Mathews’ concert. Awesomeness just tossed in my lap. So, I pull myself together and meet up with Cory and his friend to go to the Verizon Wireless ampitheater. The weather is awesome, got the faux hawk rockin’ and am ready to groove. Well, Dave was in town the night before so the parking lot was quite interesting. The remains of the day were used condoms and broken beer bottles everywhere. Very nice. Glad I was wearing my Docs and not flip flops like the rest of the hippies. Oh, yeah, the fuckin’ hippies. I thought they got suppressed during the 80s but apparently not. This one guy was flailing about like an idiot, and was probably stone sober just retarded. Anywho, more importantly, the line for the bathroom was a breakdown in civilization. I’m talking just madness. Fights breaking out left and right, chicks trying to sneak into the men’s stalls cause their line was horrendous (we booed them out though). All in all, it was madness, but I was able to get my drunk on and not get into any fights and get home safely. That’s all that mattered. Dave was good but I haven’t listened to his music in so long that I didn’t recognize any of the songs…..well that and I was shitfaced drunk. I got to the point where I contemplated hurdling myself down the lawn to see how many people I could knock down with my limp body. The only thing stopping me was reliving the image of the girl that puked her brains out in an empty beer cup and then spilled the cup on the lawn. Very gross. I was pretty sure that the cure for cancer was festering on that lawn.
To go to Dave, I had to cancel a hanging out appointment with my friend, Ashley. I promised to make it up on Sunday and she had free tickets to the State Fair. So, away I go again. This time, replace hippies with ghetto/white trash and expensive beer with expensive food. My friend Ashley works for Watson’s so we went with some of her coworkers to the Fair. Got some Indiana Beef ribeye steak sandwiches, very delicious. We walked around for a while and then made our way over to the Watson’s booth where they had a ton of expensive Jacuzzis. They have this one with a 27 inch plasma screen that retracts into the side, very cool. At the main stage there was demolition derby’s going on and we got suckered into the mayhem. I tell you, America just has a love for violence. And you don’t think you’re that way until you hear an engine revving up and then see the collision of metal on metal. This one car was all banged up and could barely move so the driver decided to blow the engine. He was revving it like made until finally it just smoked out. The crowd was cheering him on………and then the whole engine compartment caught fire with a “poof”. The driver was able to scramble out the windshield and only injured his arm from landing on it wrong. It was wild. Death was definitely in the air……..along with waffle cakes ;-)
The fair ended well with a rain storm and an hour long firework finale. I think God wanted to join in cause he kept flashing lightning to compete with the man-made fireworks. It was a good end to the weekend of madness………..oh………..but it didn’t end. Travis and Kara had invited me to tailgate for the Colts vs Bears preseason Monday night game. Giddy-up!!! So, I extended an invite to Ashley who returns the favor with free tickets to the game from the Vice Principal at the school she works at. It rained a monsoon on Monday so traffic was all jacked up trying to get down to the RCA dome but no matter. It was my first NFL experience ever so I was pretty stoked even if it was just preseason. It was hard to not cheer for the Bears but I was in Colts-country and didn’t want my ass rearranged, I like it just the way it is. It was a nice way to end a crazy weekend of shenanigans and fool-hardy fun. I guess the sun does shine on every dog’s ass someday………………………………………

Activate the "Asset"......................

The Bourne Ultimatum freakin' rocks!!!!!! As is status quo with the series, the fight scenes are well sculpted and make you want to learn how to be a BAMF like Jason Bourne..........in the fictional sense. But here's my plan, I'm going to start to treat my everyday life like I work for a government agency. Seriously, I'm going to start by ending my phone calls with open-ended statements instead of good bye and then just hanging up. When I exit my vehicle, I'm going to put my wrist to my mouth and say "Target acquired........moving to higher ground". When I exit a building, I'll stand in the doorway and scope out the area and upper floors of buildings before moving towards my vehicle. As I approach my vehicle, I'll break into a faster pace and wrist to mouth say "Team 1 is on the move". Yeah, this is going to be fun. As my poll indicates, I have no mind to lose so I might as well enjoy my time here on earth.

Since when did they start allowing crippled people to play college ball? Not in MY day, I tell you. Actually, I'd remove my false leg and throw it at someone.

College football season is upon us people. Let's not kid ourselves, I don't expect all of you to make it back. Actually, I'm freakin' stoked just thinking of the tailgating, the mayhem, the awesome hits and watching ESPN every morning to get the latest catch phrase of the week. Apparently, USC is going to wipe their proveribal butts with every opponent this season and that includes ND. Yeah, I said it, so what, you wanna make something of it? See the link below.

http://insider.espn.go.com/ncf/preview07/insider/news/story?id=2974596&campaign=rss&source=ESPNHeadlines&action=login&appRedirect=http%3a%2f%2finsider.espn.go.com%2fncf%2fpreview07%2finsider%2fnews%2fstory%3fid%3d2974596%26campaign%3drss%26source%3dESPNHeadlines

Anywho, Boiler Up, baby..........................

Puppy dust and candy canes.................

Ironically interesting article:
http://www.usatoday.com/life/lifestyle/2007-08-14-risky-20s_N.htm

I'd like to point out that while I'm bringing sexy back, I'm going to made some headway on that 26-29 year old drinking statistic. We can binge better than that, people!!!! ;-P

Personally, I've never considered Paris Hilton, Lindsey Lohan or Britney Spears to be a spokesperson for my generation or the generation coming up behind me. Unfortunately, they validate the article. More so, they validate the misconception and assumption of the article. At 18 yrs old, you can go to war. Doesn't mean you're ready to kill someone. At 21 yrs old, you can legally drink in a bar. Doesn't mean you've got to be a ragin' alcoholic. I won't deny that the article and society has a trend and statistics to back it up. However, 30 is the new 20 so in ten years those statistics will apply to 30-somethings. Or maybe they already do. I think that you deny yourself the opportunity to gain understanding by putting on the blinders of age. Age is just a number. Its either high or low depending on your perspective. I feel that its about the experiences during that timespan that shape your being. Am I any less risky at 27 than 18, nope. Do I make better decisions, perhaps. Do I still hold true to the same ideals, fuck yeah. Bob's your uncle. At 27, I know that I'm more well-rounded and mal-adjusted than I was at 21-25 (i'm a very conflicting person, yin-yang). Voluntarily, I had dragged myself through a lot of muck n mud and walked the line to hell and back alone. Sure I had friends to listen to me along the way, but I didn't have any advice given to me. I had spend a lot of time just analyzing over and over again the decisions, the possible outcomes, the damage that can be done and then test my own constitution. There was no final answer......well, the number 4 showed up a lot, but that's neither here nor there ;-) But that's just the life I've always chosen to live, regardless of my age.

So back to the article and the misconception. There are people in this world that are destined to fuck up fast and furious (enter Miss Lohan). There are people that wrap themselves in a false world and then forget to pay the electric bill and lights out (enter Miss Spears). Others, just don't care and are happy being empty (enter Miss Hilton). Then, there's the rest of us, there's you, the reader. Regardless of your age, who you are is who you made yourself to be. If you can look in the mirror and smile, good for you. If you can't, do something about it. And if you wear blinders, you'll never see me..............................

Wombat! Wombat! Wombat!

I go to the pool on Saturday to get in some sun-time. I end up being surrounded by a bunch of Purdue frat boys. I was being cordial cause I was hitting on their women ;-) They kept talking about this "wombat". Eventually the wombat came out. Basically, you take a box wine, remove the bladder and bong it. That's a wombat in a nutshell. It was fun but a dozen tall boys, a few wombats and 102 degree heat make for a passed out on the futon rocky :-/ I woke up at four in the morning like "WTF?!?!?!". At least I made it home but I lost my porno drink koozie that I got in Lake of the Ozarks :-(

Friday was pretty kool. I was in need of a drinking buddy but couldn't find one so I went to Fox and Hound for dinner and a few brews. They were having a Three Olive vodka special and if you ordered a Three Olive drink you got a free martini glass. The really cool martini glass from the magazine advertisements. Looks kinda like this but not colored and sharper lines.

Anywho, so basically everyone is bat shit crazy and I'm at a loss of what to do. Well, besides drink heavily :-/ Its not that I seek out trouble but that it pretty much knows where I'm at all the time. And it seems that history is definitely doomed to repeat itself. Fuck, I'm exhausted today. I don't even feel like blogging but wanted to tell the wombat story. Too much shit is going on and I'm still trying to sort it all out.

Okay, funny story, so I was pretty depressed on Friday and didn't stay out late cause I had beers at the apartment. Earlier in the day, I had gotten a matches email from match.com and had shot out a few emails. Well, foolishly, this one girl emailed me back and asked me to "tell her about myself". Big mistake on both our parts. She opened the flood gates and I was sauced enough to not care. I think I apologized halfway through the email for the rant :-/ Yeah, I haven't heard back from her and don't think that I will. But its a good story to tell :-D

Anywho, life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.............the pursuit of happiness.............so long as the world agrees with your "happiness"..........................

Would you think that if I were Jewish..............

What I like most about Friday is going to work and looking like your doing work but not actually doing work. Like right now, I’m typing this blog in Microsoft Word so should someone approach me from behind, it looks like I’m typing a work related document when in fact I’m being as useless as a toad on a bump on a log on a side of a hill on a cool summer day on this planet. Wow, that’s a rant if I’ve ever seen one.
Okay, let’s get this meeting of the Legion of Doom to order. 1st on the agenda, Yats. Seriously, if you ever find yourself in the Indy area, get to Yats. It’s the best Louisiana creole this side of the Mason-Dixon line. I filled up on the good stuff last night before heading to the bar. My newly acquired friend, Ashley, and her friends have a Thursday night haunt at Joe’s Grille. It’s a pretty cool sports bar that has live music & $5 huge pizzas on Thursday. And some nice eye candy too ;-) I have finally met my better. Ashley’s friend, Robert, introduced himself as an “asshole”, which is my usual introduction, so I said I’m the bigger asshole and he put the kibosh on that by openly commenting on every chick’s chest at the table. But I have to give him props cause he got on stage and sang a chorus to Family Tradition with the band. You know what I like about the 80s? They can’t keep their hair. Old man river, who was the lead singer’s dad, was on drums and he had an 80’s glam-rocker white man’s afro that was straight outta the “Monster’s of Rock” commercial. And he could sing “Ice Ice Baby” and “Baby’s Got Back” really good. It was a really fun night and the free cigarettes dude was there so I got a free back and free tickets to see Drowning Pool next Thursday at the Vogue in Broadripple. Very nice. Let the proverbial bodies hit the simulated floor, my homies. Oh, almost forgot about the asscrack beer. This dude apparently thought he need both hands free to flail about on the dance floor so he stuck his Michelob Ultra in the back of his pants. He kept trying to entice everyone at my table, guys, girls, whomever, to get out on the dance floor. Yeah, I’m always down to shake my rump-shaker but not with this tool. I kept hoping the beer would explode like a fountain but it didn’t.

Here’s little delicious nugget of internet for you. Go head, put it in your mouth ;-)
http://health.yahoo.com/experts/capessa/729/how-to-cope-with-the-jerk-at-work

Oh, almost forgot, there were some Cougars out last night. But there were with the bikers. I think the club was "Iron Pigs" of Indianapolis or something like that. Yeah, I didn't feel like getting monkey-stomped on the dance floor so I focused on the asscrack beer.