Soft.....smell pretty......

I once read an article in a men's magazine that summed up the writer's knowledge of females, soft & smell pretty. I would have to say that's about all anyone could ever figure out.
Day one of my first business trip was almost a total wash. Due to inclement weather, the test plane didn't even show. My co-worker and I had to entertain ourselves all day. To some this would seem like a vacation but its a vacation in Tulsa, OK. We went to breakfast, back to the hotel, to the mall, back to the hotel. The highlight was going to the crappy workout facility to get in 2.5 miles. However, I decided to turn things around. My co-worker had hinted at hitting up a "gentlemen's club" and I entertained the idea but wasn't entirely convinced. My co-worker is a young whipper-snapper that's getting married in October and has only been to one "club" his whole life. So, I manned up and we set out with the plan of doing a happy hour at the "club" and then going to this popular area, Brookside, for dinner and drinks. As with Gilligan, a three hour tour turned into a lifetime on an island (ie "club"). I felt that I had to impart some of my wisdom on my co-worker. You can gauge a "club" based on a few items. 1. alcohol available or b.y.o.b, 2. cover charge, 3. the ladies "protocol" and 4. the bathrooms. There's no exact equation but the lower on the scale of 1-10 the sketchier the place usually is. Last night's "club" was pretty high on the standards. Low cover charge, any beer you could want (no hard stuff) and the bathroom smelled like bleach (even though someone dropped a 4 ton deuce in stall #1 and didn't flush......but that's another story). The ladies, however, were walking around drinking beers, smoking, and sitting on customer's laps with touching allowed and making customers buy them more drinks. Usually, that's a turn off to me b/c even though I'm there for the fantasy, and willing to pay for it, the fantasy is about me not me taking care of them. Luckily, or maybe not, the ladies left my co-worker and me alone for a while so we could "gaze" and drink in peace. "Those guys" were there as well. By that I mean the typical "clubber" that sits at the main stage all night or approaches the stage for every new girl and stands in the exact same spot for a $1 worth of attention. All in all, we had a blast and I had to surrender my belt so someone could get whipped for a while. Freaky. Long story longer, we never made it to Brookside and settled for "Whataburger" at 11pm.
The whole experience made me realize how much I miss both the "clubs" and female companionship. Of course I have more self-control than to become one of "those guys" but if I had all the money in the world then I'd think I'd be "that guy" ;-)
Yup, all I know is soft....smells pretty....and sometimes glittery....... :-D

Motley Crew........

Fockin' wrecked. Yeah, that sums up last night. The VP of PI wanted to go out to "have a few drinks" to celebrate my buddy, Dan, upcoming marriage. We go to the good ol' Fox n Hound across from my apartment complex. I walk over from my place. I'm drinking the Goose Island 312 all night and switch over to red bull vodka's with everyone else. I don't remember leaving but I do remember wandering my apartment complex trying to find my entrance door. I was all over the place and eventually found it. I woke up wrecked and had to pack for Tulsa, OK. Amazingly, I got to work on time and am functional. Man, our VP can drink his arse off.

The Force is strong with this one.........

Quick update cause I just got sandbagged all over Indy. I got my Comcast digital cable installed last week (xref the cute puggle story) and the cable box was the size of the Millennium Falcon. Well, the Comcast rep sandbagged me and assured me that I only needed one digital box. I tried to program the bedroom (or Lair, as I like to call it) tv the other day only to get static-iky nuffin. I called him today and he told me to just stop by the office and get another box for free. I go during lunch and the dude behind the counter gets everything together and hands me a little plastic boutique bag and tells me to call the 1-800 number once I get everything setup. He doesn't bother handing me one of the many Millennium Falcons stacked in plain view behind him. I have a minor panic attack and he tells me that I'm getting the new version of the cable box. Again, I double-check that its not a cable modem but the digitial cable box and he just smiles with that canary sticking outta his mouth and tells me that I'm experiencing everyone's reaction to the new box. I get outside and open the bag to find a Tie Fighter size cable box. Now, I'm wondering what changed between last tuesday and today that I have a Millennium Falcon in my living room?!?!?!?!?!
I go to lunch at this great BBQ place near the Comcast office. I settle in for some good Brunswick stew and a hot BBQ-sauce beef brisket sangwich. Even though I was one of three people in the restaurant, the waitress must have had more important business cause she sandbagged me on my ice water. I would've never have guessed the cooling power of mashed potatoes and gravy.
So, I'm driving back to the office, belly full and stoked about the new cable box. As I exited I-465, there's a very sunburnt lady with a "homeless, begging for help" signs. Usually, like most people, I ignore such people but as luck would have it I pull up right next to her. I had been collecting some emergency dollars in my coin drawer in my car. I reached in and grabbed a clump and gave them to the lady. If she wants to buy $4 of booze or crack or food, so be it. My belly and soul are filled for the moment and that's all that matters. Time to get back to doing some actual work. Peace..............

So......we meet again, poochy.........

Yeah, so the geniuses that designed my apartment complex put the mailboxes right next to the entrance and mine on the bottom row so that should someone try to exit whilst I'm squatted over getting my mail, I go sailing through the air to finish with a "Jamaican faceplant" in the parking lot. And, as we all know, my luck would have it, almost everyday I have a near-miss collision at the front door. Well, yesterday, I had the near-miss with deja vu. The pooch that tried to eat me when I moved in, made another attempt. As I got home from work yesterday, I heard the door start to open and gave out my traditional "whoa, I'm out here" only to be greeted by some dude (probably the boyfriend) trying to hold the dog back from devouring me. He was kool though and saw I was in my work clothes and backed the dog up so I could get past. One day, there will be a battle of epic proportions between da pooch and me. We'll bleed the ground red at Falkirk.
In other news, today has been hectic all morning and I fly out to Tulsa, OK tomorrow to assist in differential gps testing on an aircraft. Even though its a production aircraft, I'm not getting hazard pay so I'm not getting on it. They're going to do test take-offs with one engine to get an idea of how much a plane will pull one way or the other. Yeah, again, I'm not riding shotgun on this "express elevator to hell - going down" (movie quote, but from where?).
Oh, also, fun fact, when you say "back in the day" it was a Wednesday. Yeah, no lie. Put that in your mouth. Its delicious..........

Madness? THIS.....IS....SPARTA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Too often we lay dormant, letting ourselves grow weak and becoming easy prey. When you feel the animistic instinct within dying, its time for PAINTBALL!!!! I don't care who you are, every time you pull that bolt back and switch off the safety you hear Sgt Barnes yelling out "lock and load!". I was fortunate to be involved in a battle of epic proportions this saturday. For his bachelor party, my buddy, Scott, wanted to do a little p-ballin' and then head to to the Chi for dinner and drinks. We went to Challenge Park in Joliet and had a private party. There was only 8 of us but that made for some quick and challenging games. The teams were divided into Scott's co-workers and his family and friends. At every field we'd play two games. Going to the last field, the matches were split down the middle. Again, both teams one a game at the last field so we squeezed in one last game. One last chance to be a hero. One last chance to taste sweet Victory. "Armageddon" was the name of the field, rightfully so. It was designed like the ruined rubble of an empire with a couple of 2nd floor platforms. Our team was short a man as he ran outta air for his gun. I knew the fate of the galaxy would depend on my battle hardened tactics. Flank here, grazing fire there, move! move! move! After I out flanked the enemy and sent 'em packing, I went for high ground in a platform. Sure as shit, the last man standing was stalking me. As he entered the cross hairs, I let a out three-round salvo to win the game. I would've went for the head shot but these babies leave welts and it was a gentleman's game. So, Team Scott took home the gold for the afternoon. I took home a victory welt on my left asscheek :-/
Post-paintball, we made like madmen for Chi-town cause we had reservations in Wrigleyville. Dinner at Irish Oaks with a table waiting for us at Moxie. Moxie had a Finlandia vodka special going on with $3 u-call-its and girls walking around with free samples in tiny plastic martini glasses. I told them it was Scott's bachelor party and they hooked him up with a free t-shirt. After Moxie, we cruised across the street to Sluggers b/c it was the only bar without a line outside. Stole a couple of tables and finished out the night. Good times.
I ended up driving Scott from Oak Park to Chicago and back which was a lot of driving for me on Sunday. But it was good to get some time to talk with Scott and catch up on everything. Of course there was the obligatory "are you sure you're ready for marriage" question :-) I guess I've just seen to many marriages that were for all the wrong reasons, as told by the individuals and not assumed by myself, that I lack faith in the system. Scott and Teri (his fiance) seem like the type that will have a great marriage so that brings hope to the rest of us.
I was having dinner with a friend last night and got to thinking. It seems like the years are just slipping by. I realized that I've known Scott for 9 years. Even though we only lived together for two years in college, we remained friends and saw each other at least a couple of times a year. We've seen each other grow up and seeing him get married in August is going to be like seeing a life go full circle. I had a lot of Purdue buddies get married immediately after college and the weddings were fun but it always seemed like too soon. Now it seems like getting married at this age is like taking the next step to growing up. To me its comforting to know that some people will always be a part of my life as I grow up.

I'm still here

I got the opportunity to uppercut a punkass into a table last night!!! Not really, but it would've been cool. The tent party rocked at Fox n Hound!!! But there were like three bags of douche that thought they could dance and could not. But a great night nontheless. Time to head to Joliet for a bachelor party of epic proportions :-)

I'm done...........

I'm all tapped out, people. You've taken everything and given nothing. I have absolutely nothing to say today. In fact, I'm going to talk about how I have nothing to say. How fudged up is that? Got my passport in the mail yesterday so I'm now free to move about the country. I'm in the system now. Big brother has a lock on my position and men in white coats are on their fucking way, right now! Where's Morpheus when you need him?
Here's a tidbit that's going to make me sound like a jerk but go fist yerself. I saw the tiniest engagement ring of my life at the bar last night. The messed up part is that it was on this pretty good looking chick. Her dude must have a huge johnson to comp for that tiny ring. I also got the privilege of watching a true hustler in action. Tommy Hilfiger sat down next to me and ordered a pitcher of beer and then asked the female bartender if she could "break a big bill". He was holding a $20!!!! I had the instant drunken urge to laugh him out of the bar but kept it inside. Instead I just gave him a rapist stare until he moved seats and this cool guy, Rob, sat next to me. Rob too had just moved to Indy from South Bend and actually lived in the same apartments as my homey/lover, Raul. Me and Rob.....no, Rob and I, shared a mutual hatred for all things ND and a love for tailgating. He was from somewhere in Africa so he had a cool accent and liked reggae music and Red Stripe beer.
I'm in a very salty mood for some reason today. I have this urge to just be a huge dick to whomever crosses my path. Not good b/c I have a 2nd date with the cool girl from the other day. You know what it is? I get bored with being nice. I have to walk on the wild side to feel alive. I need to test my mortality. I need to do something completely stupid and regrettable or I'm going to dry up into a pile of ash and blow away. There's a pond outside my cube window and I may go down there and try to catch a turtle or two today just to have something interesting to say. There's a tent party at Fox n Hound tonight and I may pick a fight just so I can be properly introduced to the Indy police. I don't know, its just a feeling that's come over me this morning. Honestly, and I've said this before, I feel that I need my ass whupped on a regular, if not daily, basis just to keep my demons in check.
I've got to go out of town for a bachelor party tomorrow but I'll try to blog before I leave just so people know I made it through the night ;-)

You're ruining moving day for all of us.........

So, I'm supposed to move my stuff to another desk area today. Unfortunately, I'm exhausted from last night and don't feel like doing much of anything. Oh, yesterday, how you ruin me. I had the unfortunate luck of getting screwed by Discount Tire and Toyota on the same day. I bought my tires at Discount a while back and got the free balance and rotation for life. Well, I've been having some vibrations on the highway and decided to get it investigated by Toyota. First, I got my free rotation and balance. I told the rep at Discount I needed a balance and why. So, for free, I got f*cked. Took the car to Toyota yesterday and their diagnosis said the tires weren't balanced. Got to pay for what should've been a free service. Then I go return the rental car they gave me, which I drove to work and right back, only to get charged more than expected b/c the lady that rented it to me didn't have a clue as to the prices.
But, the day did get better. I had a date with a girl from match.com that had to cancel on me last week due to a death in the family. Great time. Great conversation. Great restaurant, Fox n Hound. Even better, liquor store next door ;-) Interesting girl from Quad Cities, IL where I spent a month for training when I was working for Exelon. Works for an insurance company so I need to spin that in my favor ;-) Segway, I owed my buddy, John, $50 cause he covered me for the bachelor party this past weekend. I sent him the dough in a Pi Research envelope with a personalized "suck it, bitch" note inside ;-) Well, he got the envelope and thought it was a private investigation company from Indy and called me in the middle of my date b/c I had scared the crap outta him :-D awesome turn of events. Back to the date: unbeknownst to me, it was "Ladies Night" at FnH. Good setup for a 1st date, right? Naw, it was kool cause we were on the other side of the restaurant from the non-existent action. Anywho, we kicked it at FnH for a while and drank down the supply of Blue Moon with some burgers. She told me her mom told her to make sure she didn't drive directly home so I wouldn't follow. Here's the punch line, she lives in my apartment complex!!! We went back to my place to kick it for a bit and when I walked her home, the 2nd punchline happened, she lives in the same row of apartments as me, just 4 doors down!!! How magnificently awkward. Now I have to move apartments :-( naw, she seems like a cool girl that won't go too psycho on me.........but I've been wrong before and will be wrong again :-/
Anywho, time to make the donuts...........

You take the good, you take the bad, that's the facts of life.....

Houston, we have a “go” for launch…..
Roger that….3……..2…………1………..lift off.
Comcast came through for me and after dinner last night I was able to surf the matrix at blazin’ speeds while watching explicit sex scenes from Basic Instinct 2. Very disturbing.
Doggie story: I had to go to the main office to get my Comcast equipment and this guy is carrying out this little puppy with the saddest look on its face. I ran inside and got my equipment and the owner and puppy were still in their car next to mine. The window was rolled down and the little dude had its head out the window with the biggest puppy frown ever. I melted so I had to pet her and ask the owner what the breed was b/c she had the face of a boxer pup. It was a PUGGLE!!! (mixture of beagle and pug) And she was salty b/c she had gone to the vet earlier that day to get her shots. I would've liked to stay and play but had to run.
Work story: I finally proved my worth and got four LED warning lamps to operate. I had to create some events based on input channels from a laser level sensor and a linear potentiometer (aka Johnson rod *seinfield tidbit*). Using the events I was able to configure triggers for the individual lamps. The quirky part was the priority attribute. Based on the numerical order of the triggers for the 4-lamp satellite display, the trigger that was number 1 would have priority over number 2 and so forth. So, I was trying to prove that each lamp could be operated one at a time. The trick was to set up hysteresis events that would have dead space between them so that a high priority lamp wouldn’t be active and preventing a lower priority lamp from actuating.
Again, this is why I don’t talk about work too much b/c most people just wouldn’t understand and its for me mostly. So, long story longer, I’m doing okay at work and getting used to everything.
Gym story: my new Cardinal sucks and I was in a rush to get there and done yesterday b/c my buddy, Dan, invited me to dinner with his fiancé and her friend. After running, I was blasting my arms real quick (b/c my brother is attempting to get big so he can beat my ass so I need to stay ahead of the curve) and in the mirror I saw the most beastly woman I have ever seen up close. This chick’s arms and shoulders made me look feminine and petite. She had washboard abs that made me want to take off my clothes and do laundry right then and there. Dear God she was ripped.
Dinner story: this place called Marco’s has $9.95 six ounce fillet mignons on Tuesday. Pretty sweet deal cause you get salad and a potato. I immediately noticed that the waiter was so flamin’ that he was raising the temperature in the room. Halfway through dinner, Dan’s fiancé and her friend informed me that the restaurant was indeed a gay hotspot. Indy is a weird city, man…….weird.

(current Ipod track: Alphaville - Forever Young - Napolean Dynamite Sndtrk)
Just in general, it’s a weird but good feeling when you step back and just let other’s become who they will in life and with no intervention whatsoever, they become the person you knew they could be……………………

Due to recent denials from match.com, I've decided to update my profile with the following quote from "The Wedding Singer":
"You know what's funny, some of us will never find true love. Like take for instance me, and I'm pretty sure that guy right there, and that lady with the sideburns, and basically everybody at table nine. But the worst thing is, that me, fatty, sideburns lady, and the mutants over at table nine will never ever find a way to better our situations because apparently we have absolutely nothing to offer the oppisite sex."
I'm not sure what the response will be. Maybe I'll remove it in a week or so. I've got two more months before I prove match.com wrong and get another six months free cause I didn't meet anybody worth pursuing. It'd be awesome if they sent me like a plaque or an award for being the most pathetic person in virtual dating. I can't wait :-D

toxic........

Ain't it a 'b' that you could spend your whole life being healthy and active but give yourself a month off for good behavior and you have to ride the "pain train" back to Valhalla. Toxic is definitely how I felt. It also didn't help that I noticed no one was wiping down work stations after use like it was at the South Bend Cardinal Fitness. Also, noticeably different was the staff. Instead of young adults in matching Cardinal gear, there were two hippy teenage boys in flip flops and shaggy hair cuts. Good way to get a toe amputated. Anywho, so I'm back on the pain train to get to where I once was. The one thing that has always sucked about working a 9-5 is that adding gym time means you get home for dinner around 10pm after all the commuting. I decided to walk to the Logan's across the street only to get denied by the kitchen staff. But, hey, its okay, cause a block and a half down the street is the 'Castle'. I'm not going to lie, I'm pretty stoked by the 'Castle' being so close cause South Bend had some kinda embargo on the good stuff.
Anywho, my car is acting up and giving me heavy vibrations on the highway so I went to get the wheels balanced yesterday after work. I tell ya, Indy people are very trusting. I go into the Einstein bagel next to Discount Tire and they were closing but the girls working there told me I could chill inside for the next 45mins while they cleaned up. I sat at the front with my coffee and kept to myself but those girls were crazy. They could've been found hanging in the deep freeze today. Actually, so could I cause they locked me in with them. It was like an old west standoff to see who was going to go crazy first :-/
Oh, good news, Comcast is bending me over today. Apparently, since analog cable is a thing of the past, they no longer offer a basic cable package with the 7 network channels and a couple Spanish channels for $13. Instead, I have to get digital with the whole shebang for $55. All I really want is the darn high speed Internet. However, I am getting a six month special and free equipment so that's a small bonus.
Oh, even better news, I left my moon roof tilted open last night parked under a hugh tree and it was raining this morning. Not too much water in the car but I can only imagine what kind of creepy crawlies are now dwelling inside my pimp ride. :-/

The first rule of fight club is "you do not talk about fight club"........

Another weekend bites the dust. Here’s the usual recap as I was too busy to blog any of the days.

Friday: I took a half-day at work to get back to St. John to pack my stuff, yet again, to move to Indy. Luckily, it was a thousand degrees outside so that made packing more enjoyable. I rented a tow haul as well to pull my car back to Indy. Yeah, talk about making 3 right turns to make a left cause I was not going to attempt reverse with that thing. I did a once around in the turn-about near my folks home and parked facing the direction I’d be heading in the morning. Since I finally got a real paycheck, I took my folks to dinner to celebrate and to celebrate Father’s Day since I wouldn’t be in town. We went to this nice log cabin place called “Northwoods”. Our server was sketchy as hell. He introduces himself as Dan even though his “aloha” name sticker says “Pat”. He’s wearing Sylvester Stallone Cobra sunglasses indoors. Freaks, but good food.

Saturday: oh, moving day, how I loathe thee…… Yeah so towing a car isn’t the best of ideas on the highway. The tow haul stated a 45mph limit but the Uhaul rep said I could get that baby up to 65mph on the highway. Every time I made any sudden wiggle movements, the whole contraption would go in to a wiggle harmonic and I’d instantly soil myself. Other highway patrons would give me the stink-eye as they passed. One lady drove almost entirely on the other shoulder as she passed me. I did my best, people!! Again, it was a thousand degrees outside as I approached Indy. I was a one-man wrecking crew. There were a couple near-misses hauling everything up to the 2nd floor but I got it done. On one return trip, I ran into a downstairs neighbor and her dog. Everyone seems to have full size dogs in this complex. Well, this dog took one look at me and I swear I read “delicious meximelt” in its eyes. The ears peeled back and the dog was in attack mode with the owner trying desperately to prevent my demise. Also, on another return trip, I came bounding out of my apartment and scared the crap outta the neighbors from down the hall. I guess they’re not used to seeing half nakid sweaty mexican’s in the hallways. Anywho, I got everything inside and that’s all that matters. My complex has two pools and I was scoping the action while getting my keys, not bad. Hardly any children and most every adult had a can of beer in hand. Unfortunately, most of the girls had a dude with them but that’s cool. As long as there’s eye candy that’s all that matters. After returning all the equipment, I set up my tv (no cable just yet) and put in my OAR concert dvd and cranked the volume. Ben and John came down in the evening ‘cause we had a bachelor party to go to. John was cracking up b/c the only thing in my fridge was a case of Miller Lite long necks. Hey, sometimes, that’s all ya need ;-) Yeah, so bachelor party……..nuff’ said.

Sunday: destroyed is probably the best way to describe me yesterday. I love bachelor parties. I don’t have cable or internet just yet so I was limited to my dvd collection. I went to the Athletic club house to use the computers for internet. There’s a pool, sauna, hot tub there also. Yeah, my apartment complex must have no qualms about adult beverages poolside. All the trash cans were overflowed with beer cans. Awesome. The rest of the day was filled with recovering, unpacking and replenishing bodily fluids. I watched the original “Westside Story” last night. I had to laugh b/c I don’t think gangs and ballet go together in real life. Then, dude kills his girlfriend’s brother and she forgives him b/c he sings a ballad to her. Bonk that noise. Show some loyalty and shiv a mofo.

Well, that’s the weekend in short. I’m officially in Indy now so let the fun begin………

Why, why would you do that.........

I have no clue where to begin. Worked late yesterday to prove to people that have been working here way longer than me that their software doesn't work the way they think it does. Not a good feeling cause they should know way more than me. Stopped off for a good ol' Penn Station sub on the way home. I had some spicy nacho Dorritos at the hotel that I thought would make good filler before drinking...........yadda yadda yadda........stomache cramps for almost an hour. Apparently, as we get older we become less tolerant to junk food and cheese in general. Tis okay, only a minor setback. I finally realized that the Beer Sellar is only a short walk away from the Days Inn and hoofed it over there yesterday.....which means that I can drunk walk all I want and no problems. It was a crazy night. My new fav bartender was working. She's a 7 out of 10 but once she told me she had a boyfriend she became an instant 10/10. I don't know what my deal is but, of late, I have a habit of finding extreme attraction to bartenders with boyfriends. Anywho, I was just chillin' and give head nods to the other bartenders to let them know that in fact I am a regular now. I busted one dude scamming hard on this pretty blonde that walked past but we "fist bumped" our way past it ;-) This old dude relocated to my position at the front of the bar. He was scamming hard on every squirrel in the place and I caught that he had a hearing aid in!! Gives me something to live up too ;-) So, after 4 pitchers, b/c I was walking and not driving, I make it home. In a typical rage, I pass out half-naked and spend the night sleeping on a friggin' mattress spring on my hip. I limped around all morning trying to get packed to check out. I'm no wuss by any means but damn my hip hurt. Shit, its 11:15am and its still sore. I guess that is my punishment for a night of imbibing. It was worth it ;-)

I love you Super Dave Osborne!!!!

So, the two head honchos from the UK are in the office today. Fortunately for me, I walk into the office at the same time as them. I’ve met Martin during my interview. When he introduced me to George, I went to remove my sunglasses and shake his hand and promptly spilled my piping hot Einstein Bros coffee on my hand/wrist. To me, that shows dedication…..and my addiction to “E”. I will take a third degree burn to meet you, Sir.
Anywho, pay up sucka!!! Got my first check yesterday but was told to wait till Friday to cash it or the company gets charged a $25 fee. Scandalous? Naw, but my next check will be direct deposited so I won’t have to deal with it.
Ocean’s 13 review: only Jews and Commies would find that movie remotely funny. I guess this is the summer of suck ass sequels and trilogies. Pitt and Clooney do their best but Damon is just awkward as is Cheadle. Motivational letters? Its Vegas, get me a showgirl and I’ll be cheer-io in no time. Yeah, the boat was definitely missed on this one. The ending scene has me a bit puzzled. I get the reference that Clooney made to Pitt to “get settled down and have a couple kids” (ie Angelina Jolie and adopted/bastard Asian children) but Pitt’s “try to not gain so much weight between now and the next time” has me puzzled. The only thing I can think of is that Clooney had a few, extremely few extra pounds in Syriana. I’d watch the movie again just for the cool gadgets and trickery. I don’t think it’s a good movie to watch while imbibing………especially if you’re imbibing in Vegas b/c they make rigging a casino look like a day job. If I was Vegas, I’d be insulted. Oh, and Pacino sucked as a casino manager. Gold Samsung cellphone my hairy bum…………

Do the BBC.......and get a free glass.

Yeah, so I decided to do a little shopping last night. There’s this fancy mall across the street that has upscale stores for the most part. I needed some clothes for “casual Friday” at work cause I’m not going to be a busta like last week. I use the Saks Fifth Avenue entrance and speed-walk to the mall exit before a sales rep takes my first born for a pair of socks, nice socks, but still just socks. I’m just people/store gazing and find a Buckle. Typically, I do not buy at the Buckle b/c they want your first born child’s kidney for a pair of jeans. I walk in, feeling a bit saucy, and the sales rep, who was super helpful, asks what I was looking for and turns out the Buckle has the perfect style of jeans for bar/work, stylish but not too distressed that they become work-inappropriate. So, I try on my usual size, 36, and I’ve got room for Kate Moss in the waist band. I ask for a 34 and, dear Lord, I was in 2nd Heaven (1st Heaven was my lunch at Maggiano’s). I didn’t care the cost or the trickery, I haven’t worn a size 34 since high school, and these jeans were mine. Plus, I looked like a million bucks in these jeans. My ass was fantastic! ;-) Chances are that the Buckle either builds ‘em big or mislabels their jeans but I was paying for the dream/fantasy.
So, I keep on shopping, looking for a polo. Buckle had nuffin so I made my way around the entire mall. Yeah, Abrocromie and Fitch can eat two scoops of my fat ass. Every shirt in there was made for a 15 yr old Ethiopian female. I put on an XL adult polo and almost had to pay for it b/c I “hulked” it. Ironically, it was green too :-D I end up back at the Gap, which had the perfect polo sitting on display right as I walk in the door. I’m in line trying to pay and as usual there’s some dipper trying to find an expired coupon to get 4 cents off a shirt. The sales rep calls in back up. This dude, no shit, sha-swayed his way from the fitting room to the register, jazz hands and all. If there ever was stereo-typical fruitcake, this dude was it. And I’m not a homophobe………but this story gets worse. Some typical Gap 90’s hip hop song comes on the speaker system and this guy, who’s taking his sweet time logging on to the register, starts beboppin’. It wouldn’t have been inappropriate but he starts “Duffman” pelvic thrusting in my direction. There was a little “stripper-esque” hip swayin’ too but mostly “Duffman” thrusts. I tried to look away but I knew what was going on so I had the mental image burned in the frontal lobe.
What’s the best part of Tuesday? Hooter’s!!! This time I forgoed the wings for the chix breast sangwich. Summer special is a large Miller Lite for $3.50. Can’t shake a stick at that. Unfortunately, the service sucks at this Hooter’s but they have a ton of flat screens so I had WSOP and the Cleveland game for my entertainment. After dinner, I lost the epic battle within man and found myself at the bar next door, Beer Sellar. It’s cool though b/c I’m establishing my “regular” status at the Sellar. Tuesday's special was a free pint glass with purchase of Kentucky BBC, Bluegrass Brewing Company, wheat ale. I only stuck around for a few b/c I was ridin’ on about 2hrs of total sleep. Got back to my hotel room and got 6 hrs of glorious sleep. I even accidentally woke up at 3am and went right back to R.E.M. sleep. Great afternoon/night.

Work Update: I know that this blog has been mostly my personal life in Indy but that’s cool b/c I wasn’t sure where I was going with this blog. Work is another aspect of my life. Those that know me know that I typically focus on the negative aspects of any job. Co-workers, bosses, customers, paycheck, work in general, whatever. Not for a pity party or anything, just liked to gather ‘round and bitch about stuff to kinda vent. Well, I’ve been blindsided by a damn good job. My co-workers are cool. My boss buys me lunch when he’s around, even an Einstein bagel on Monday. I’m finally pulling in a decent paycheck. The drive to work is hassle free. There’s free coffee and snacks in the break room. We have the ED-209 water cooler (yeah, that was a Robocop reference). So, basically, I’m in foreign waters right now. I’ve got a light load at work with just going through some training material trying to get up to speed on the systems and applications. I’ll probably start traveling to customers the end of this month. For travel and track side, they’ve given me a ton of Pi clothing. For free. I got three pairs of Eddie Bauer pants yesterday, didn’t even ask for them. The dude in charge just dropped them off at my desk. I got two jackets, like five shirts, waiting for a pair of shoes. Pretty cool…………