My life is pretty much mostly about new beginnings and trying new things and not missing out on anything. Well, I decided to finally get a massage. I'm at the Eaglewood Resort & Spa for my buddy's wedding. I was at the pool which is next to the spa and got to thinking that I should just do it already. That and maybe it'll relax me so I can get some fuckin' sleep already. I tell you it was a truely remarkable experience. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to get too much tranquil time in before the massage cause I had to go to my room to get my credit card and some jackass was holding up the elevator and then I had to change and what not. But once I got under the skillful hands of this Ukranian or Romanian lady, I was butter. I've been having this pain in my rhombizodial muscle and I know she found it cause she paid attention to that spot and asked me questions and what not. Sadly, no happy ending but that's okay too. Although it was nice to have a female touching me. If it had been a dude then I might be telling this story in a different light :-/
Anywho, almost time for wedding rehersal and a steak dinner. Yup, its official, I'm the last man standing. Another one bites the dust and I continue on. Foot steps in the sand...........................
Friday, August 24, 2007
I'm like this big bear with these big f-ing claws and I don't know how to kill the little bunny rabbit..............
I love being me. So, we have this ice cream social at the office building for all the companies that share the building, sponsored by the building owner. Well, I lead my band of merry men downstairs for some good ol' ice cream. There's a real estate company on the 1st floor that is composed mostly of women. Yeah, the whole event was like an 8th grade dance. Girls on one side and boys on the other. So, the older ladies send over their youngest female employee to break the ice. Man, it was a sight to see. We didn't even speak to her like she was human. Everyone was tripping over their tongues to talk and there was plenty of foot-in-mouth disease going around. Apparently, I was the most embarassing cause I told her that we were D.A.G.s (data acquisitions guys/geek), which is a term the race world uses and I didn't know that it was derogatory towards the employees. So, after the embarassingly awkward interlude, we go upstairs and I get harangued mercilessly by my co-workers. I had fat dudes telling me they could get a chick better than me. I threw down the gauntlet and said "f-it, let's go to a bar right now", its 3pm in the afternoon :-/ Some of us had already planned on going to happy hour and Dan had gotten this girl, Kelly, business card so without telling anyone, I email her and invite her to happy hour. She accepts and I still keep it to myself. Dan, Jeremy and I go to Fox n Hound and I still keep it inside. When Kelly walked in, Dan's mouth hit the floor!!!! I got a text today from the fat guy giving me props. I've been giggling about it all day. Too hilarious. Yeah, Kelly's okay but she's got a man and what not and I don't think she's in to me or vice versa. The guys in the office did get a laugh over her business card b/c its got a glamour shot of her on it. Seriously, she doesn't look half as hot in person. Weird. Anywho, the good news is that the Stiffmeister still has the proveribal "it"......................
I'm a riot? You're a fucking riot!!!!! Get it..............
Okay, this shit is long overdue. Eye-yi-yi, where to begin? Last Thursday rocked hanging with Travis in Broad Ripple. Didn’t stay out late cause had to work on Friday but got caught up on his awesome honeymoon details. I need to get married already just for the honeymoon part. Oh, and the Miller Chill girls were out an about so I got a ton of free fake tats and a t-shirt. Travis, Jeff and I made plans to meet up again on Friday in Broad Ripple. Work was same old same old and my buddy, Dan, expressed interest in grabbing a beer that night. So, I figure the more the merrier. By the time everyone came out we had a small table rockin’ with like seven peps at the Broad Ripple Tavern (BRT). It was an awesome night. Couple of Irish Carbombs and good stories told all around. We met up at like 8pm, around 11pm the Hotties came out. My buddy, Neal, and I are the last people at Pi that are single so Dan busts our chops so the married folk can live vicariously through us :-D He was disappointed on Monday cause I didn’t make Neal, a shy Brit, talk to any girls but I’m just not that guy. I let others get into their own mess cause I’m too busy rollin’ in mine.
So, the night ends well and I figure that was the high point of my weekend. Hmmm………nope. I wake up torn on Saturday and just kinda lie around watching tv and nursing my hangover. I was supposed to go to a Highlife club interview but I don’t need to interview or pay for friends so I say “fuck shoes!!!!” (if you know anything about Dane Cook and his history with shoes then you’ll understand). Well, I was expecting Highlife to call me all preachy and bitchy for missing my interview so when I got a phone call from a strange area code, I had no trouble ignoring it. That was until the same number called my work phone. My buddy Cory was trying to get ahold of me and my bro hooked him up with my work number. Good thing cause Cory had an extra ticket to Dave Mathews’ concert. Awesomeness just tossed in my lap. So, I pull myself together and meet up with Cory and his friend to go to the Verizon Wireless ampitheater. The weather is awesome, got the faux hawk rockin’ and am ready to groove. Well, Dave was in town the night before so the parking lot was quite interesting. The remains of the day were used condoms and broken beer bottles everywhere. Very nice. Glad I was wearing my Docs and not flip flops like the rest of the hippies. Oh, yeah, the fuckin’ hippies. I thought they got suppressed during the 80s but apparently not. This one guy was flailing about like an idiot, and was probably stone sober just retarded. Anywho, more importantly, the line for the bathroom was a breakdown in civilization. I’m talking just madness. Fights breaking out left and right, chicks trying to sneak into the men’s stalls cause their line was horrendous (we booed them out though). All in all, it was madness, but I was able to get my drunk on and not get into any fights and get home safely. That’s all that mattered. Dave was good but I haven’t listened to his music in so long that I didn’t recognize any of the songs…..well that and I was shitfaced drunk. I got to the point where I contemplated hurdling myself down the lawn to see how many people I could knock down with my limp body. The only thing stopping me was reliving the image of the girl that puked her brains out in an empty beer cup and then spilled the cup on the lawn. Very gross. I was pretty sure that the cure for cancer was festering on that lawn.
To go to Dave, I had to cancel a hanging out appointment with my friend, Ashley. I promised to make it up on Sunday and she had free tickets to the State Fair. So, away I go again. This time, replace hippies with ghetto/white trash and expensive beer with expensive food. My friend Ashley works for Watson’s so we went with some of her coworkers to the Fair. Got some Indiana Beef ribeye steak sandwiches, very delicious. We walked around for a while and then made our way over to the Watson’s booth where they had a ton of expensive Jacuzzis. They have this one with a 27 inch plasma screen that retracts into the side, very cool. At the main stage there was demolition derby’s going on and we got suckered into the mayhem. I tell you, America just has a love for violence. And you don’t think you’re that way until you hear an engine revving up and then see the collision of metal on metal. This one car was all banged up and could barely move so the driver decided to blow the engine. He was revving it like made until finally it just smoked out. The crowd was cheering him on………and then the whole engine compartment caught fire with a “poof”. The driver was able to scramble out the windshield and only injured his arm from landing on it wrong. It was wild. Death was definitely in the air……..along with waffle cakes ;-)
The fair ended well with a rain storm and an hour long firework finale. I think God wanted to join in cause he kept flashing lightning to compete with the man-made fireworks. It was a good end to the weekend of madness………..oh………..but it didn’t end. Travis and Kara had invited me to tailgate for the Colts vs Bears preseason Monday night game. Giddy-up!!! So, I extended an invite to Ashley who returns the favor with free tickets to the game from the Vice Principal at the school she works at. It rained a monsoon on Monday so traffic was all jacked up trying to get down to the RCA dome but no matter. It was my first NFL experience ever so I was pretty stoked even if it was just preseason. It was hard to not cheer for the Bears but I was in Colts-country and didn’t want my ass rearranged, I like it just the way it is. It was a nice way to end a crazy weekend of shenanigans and fool-hardy fun. I guess the sun does shine on every dog’s ass someday………………………………………
So, the night ends well and I figure that was the high point of my weekend. Hmmm………nope. I wake up torn on Saturday and just kinda lie around watching tv and nursing my hangover. I was supposed to go to a Highlife club interview but I don’t need to interview or pay for friends so I say “fuck shoes!!!!” (if you know anything about Dane Cook and his history with shoes then you’ll understand). Well, I was expecting Highlife to call me all preachy and bitchy for missing my interview so when I got a phone call from a strange area code, I had no trouble ignoring it. That was until the same number called my work phone. My buddy Cory was trying to get ahold of me and my bro hooked him up with my work number. Good thing cause Cory had an extra ticket to Dave Mathews’ concert. Awesomeness just tossed in my lap. So, I pull myself together and meet up with Cory and his friend to go to the Verizon Wireless ampitheater. The weather is awesome, got the faux hawk rockin’ and am ready to groove. Well, Dave was in town the night before so the parking lot was quite interesting. The remains of the day were used condoms and broken beer bottles everywhere. Very nice. Glad I was wearing my Docs and not flip flops like the rest of the hippies. Oh, yeah, the fuckin’ hippies. I thought they got suppressed during the 80s but apparently not. This one guy was flailing about like an idiot, and was probably stone sober just retarded. Anywho, more importantly, the line for the bathroom was a breakdown in civilization. I’m talking just madness. Fights breaking out left and right, chicks trying to sneak into the men’s stalls cause their line was horrendous (we booed them out though). All in all, it was madness, but I was able to get my drunk on and not get into any fights and get home safely. That’s all that mattered. Dave was good but I haven’t listened to his music in so long that I didn’t recognize any of the songs…..well that and I was shitfaced drunk. I got to the point where I contemplated hurdling myself down the lawn to see how many people I could knock down with my limp body. The only thing stopping me was reliving the image of the girl that puked her brains out in an empty beer cup and then spilled the cup on the lawn. Very gross. I was pretty sure that the cure for cancer was festering on that lawn.
To go to Dave, I had to cancel a hanging out appointment with my friend, Ashley. I promised to make it up on Sunday and she had free tickets to the State Fair. So, away I go again. This time, replace hippies with ghetto/white trash and expensive beer with expensive food. My friend Ashley works for Watson’s so we went with some of her coworkers to the Fair. Got some Indiana Beef ribeye steak sandwiches, very delicious. We walked around for a while and then made our way over to the Watson’s booth where they had a ton of expensive Jacuzzis. They have this one with a 27 inch plasma screen that retracts into the side, very cool. At the main stage there was demolition derby’s going on and we got suckered into the mayhem. I tell you, America just has a love for violence. And you don’t think you’re that way until you hear an engine revving up and then see the collision of metal on metal. This one car was all banged up and could barely move so the driver decided to blow the engine. He was revving it like made until finally it just smoked out. The crowd was cheering him on………and then the whole engine compartment caught fire with a “poof”. The driver was able to scramble out the windshield and only injured his arm from landing on it wrong. It was wild. Death was definitely in the air……..along with waffle cakes ;-)
The fair ended well with a rain storm and an hour long firework finale. I think God wanted to join in cause he kept flashing lightning to compete with the man-made fireworks. It was a good end to the weekend of madness………..oh………..but it didn’t end. Travis and Kara had invited me to tailgate for the Colts vs Bears preseason Monday night game. Giddy-up!!! So, I extended an invite to Ashley who returns the favor with free tickets to the game from the Vice Principal at the school she works at. It rained a monsoon on Monday so traffic was all jacked up trying to get down to the RCA dome but no matter. It was my first NFL experience ever so I was pretty stoked even if it was just preseason. It was hard to not cheer for the Bears but I was in Colts-country and didn’t want my ass rearranged, I like it just the way it is. It was a nice way to end a crazy weekend of shenanigans and fool-hardy fun. I guess the sun does shine on every dog’s ass someday………………………………………
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Activate the "Asset"......................
The Bourne Ultimatum freakin' rocks!!!!!! As is status quo with the series, the fight scenes are well sculpted and make you want to learn how to be a BAMF like Jason Bourne..........in the fictional sense. But here's my plan, I'm going to start to treat my everyday life like I work for a government agency. Seriously, I'm going to start by ending my phone calls with open-ended statements instead of good bye and then just hanging up. When I exit my vehicle, I'm going to put my wrist to my mouth and say "Target acquired........moving to higher ground". When I exit a building, I'll stand in the doorway and scope out the area and upper floors of buildings before moving towards my vehicle. As I approach my vehicle, I'll break into a faster pace and wrist to mouth say "Team 1 is on the move". Yeah, this is going to be fun. As my poll indicates, I have no mind to lose so I might as well enjoy my time here on earth.
Since when did they start allowing crippled people to play college ball? Not in MY day, I tell you. Actually, I'd remove my false leg and throw it at someone.
College football season is upon us people. Let's not kid ourselves, I don't expect all of you to make it back. Actually, I'm freakin' stoked just thinking of the tailgating, the mayhem, the awesome hits and watching ESPN every morning to get the latest catch phrase of the week. Apparently, USC is going to wipe their proveribal butts with every opponent this season and that includes ND. Yeah, I said it, so what, you wanna make something of it? See the link below.
Anywho, Boiler Up, baby..........................
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Puppy dust and candy canes.................
Ironically interesting article:
http://www.usatoday.com/life/lifestyle/2007-08-14-risky-20s_N.htm
I'd like to point out that while I'm bringing sexy back, I'm going to made some headway on that 26-29 year old drinking statistic. We can binge better than that, people!!!! ;-P
Personally, I've never considered Paris Hilton, Lindsey Lohan or Britney Spears to be a spokesperson for my generation or the generation coming up behind me. Unfortunately, they validate the article. More so, they validate the misconception and assumption of the article. At 18 yrs old, you can go to war. Doesn't mean you're ready to kill someone. At 21 yrs old, you can legally drink in a bar. Doesn't mean you've got to be a ragin' alcoholic. I won't deny that the article and society has a trend and statistics to back it up. However, 30 is the new 20 so in ten years those statistics will apply to 30-somethings. Or maybe they already do. I think that you deny yourself the opportunity to gain understanding by putting on the blinders of age. Age is just a number. Its either high or low depending on your perspective. I feel that its about the experiences during that timespan that shape your being. Am I any less risky at 27 than 18, nope. Do I make better decisions, perhaps. Do I still hold true to the same ideals, fuck yeah. Bob's your uncle. At 27, I know that I'm more well-rounded and mal-adjusted than I was at 21-25 (i'm a very conflicting person, yin-yang). Voluntarily, I had dragged myself through a lot of muck n mud and walked the line to hell and back alone. Sure I had friends to listen to me along the way, but I didn't have any advice given to me. I had spend a lot of time just analyzing over and over again the decisions, the possible outcomes, the damage that can be done and then test my own constitution. There was no final answer......well, the number 4 showed up a lot, but that's neither here nor there ;-) But that's just the life I've always chosen to live, regardless of my age.
So back to the article and the misconception. There are people in this world that are destined to fuck up fast and furious (enter Miss Lohan). There are people that wrap themselves in a false world and then forget to pay the electric bill and lights out (enter Miss Spears). Others, just don't care and are happy being empty (enter Miss Hilton). Then, there's the rest of us, there's you, the reader. Regardless of your age, who you are is who you made yourself to be. If you can look in the mirror and smile, good for you. If you can't, do something about it. And if you wear blinders, you'll never see me..............................
http://www.usatoday.com/life/lifestyle/2007-08-14-risky-20s_N.htm
I'd like to point out that while I'm bringing sexy back, I'm going to made some headway on that 26-29 year old drinking statistic. We can binge better than that, people!!!! ;-P
Personally, I've never considered Paris Hilton, Lindsey Lohan or Britney Spears to be a spokesperson for my generation or the generation coming up behind me. Unfortunately, they validate the article. More so, they validate the misconception and assumption of the article. At 18 yrs old, you can go to war. Doesn't mean you're ready to kill someone. At 21 yrs old, you can legally drink in a bar. Doesn't mean you've got to be a ragin' alcoholic. I won't deny that the article and society has a trend and statistics to back it up. However, 30 is the new 20 so in ten years those statistics will apply to 30-somethings. Or maybe they already do. I think that you deny yourself the opportunity to gain understanding by putting on the blinders of age. Age is just a number. Its either high or low depending on your perspective. I feel that its about the experiences during that timespan that shape your being. Am I any less risky at 27 than 18, nope. Do I make better decisions, perhaps. Do I still hold true to the same ideals, fuck yeah. Bob's your uncle. At 27, I know that I'm more well-rounded and mal-adjusted than I was at 21-25 (i'm a very conflicting person, yin-yang). Voluntarily, I had dragged myself through a lot of muck n mud and walked the line to hell and back alone. Sure I had friends to listen to me along the way, but I didn't have any advice given to me. I had spend a lot of time just analyzing over and over again the decisions, the possible outcomes, the damage that can be done and then test my own constitution. There was no final answer......well, the number 4 showed up a lot, but that's neither here nor there ;-) But that's just the life I've always chosen to live, regardless of my age.
So back to the article and the misconception. There are people in this world that are destined to fuck up fast and furious (enter Miss Lohan). There are people that wrap themselves in a false world and then forget to pay the electric bill and lights out (enter Miss Spears). Others, just don't care and are happy being empty (enter Miss Hilton). Then, there's the rest of us, there's you, the reader. Regardless of your age, who you are is who you made yourself to be. If you can look in the mirror and smile, good for you. If you can't, do something about it. And if you wear blinders, you'll never see me..............................
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Wombat! Wombat! Wombat!
I go to the pool on Saturday to get in some sun-time. I end up being surrounded by a bunch of Purdue frat boys. I was being cordial cause I was hitting on their women ;-) They kept talking about this "wombat". Eventually the wombat came out. Basically, you take a box wine, remove the bladder and bong it. That's a wombat in a nutshell. It was fun but a dozen tall boys, a few wombats and 102 degree heat make for a passed out on the futon rocky :-/ I woke up at four in the morning like "WTF?!?!?!". At least I made it home but I lost my porno drink koozie that I got in Lake of the Ozarks :-(
Friday was pretty kool. I was in need of a drinking buddy but couldn't find one so I went to Fox and Hound for dinner and a few brews. They were having a Three Olive vodka special and if you ordered a Three Olive drink you got a free martini glass. The really cool martini glass from the magazine advertisements. Looks kinda like this but not colored and sharper lines.
Anywho, so basically everyone is bat shit crazy and I'm at a loss of what to do. Well, besides drink heavily :-/ Its not that I seek out trouble but that it pretty much knows where I'm at all the time. And it seems that history is definitely doomed to repeat itself. Fuck, I'm exhausted today. I don't even feel like blogging but wanted to tell the wombat story. Too much shit is going on and I'm still trying to sort it all out.
Okay, funny story, so I was pretty depressed on Friday and didn't stay out late cause I had beers at the apartment. Earlier in the day, I had gotten a matches email from match.com and had shot out a few emails. Well, foolishly, this one girl emailed me back and asked me to "tell her about myself". Big mistake on both our parts. She opened the flood gates and I was sauced enough to not care. I think I apologized halfway through the email for the rant :-/ Yeah, I haven't heard back from her and don't think that I will. But its a good story to tell :-D
Anywho, life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.............the pursuit of happiness.............so long as the world agrees with your "happiness"..........................
Friday, August 10, 2007
Would you think that if I were Jewish..............
What I like most about Friday is going to work and looking like your doing work but not actually doing work. Like right now, I’m typing this blog in Microsoft Word so should someone approach me from behind, it looks like I’m typing a work related document when in fact I’m being as useless as a toad on a bump on a log on a side of a hill on a cool summer day on this planet. Wow, that’s a rant if I’ve ever seen one.
Okay, let’s get this meeting of the Legion of Doom to order. 1st on the agenda, Yats. Seriously, if you ever find yourself in the Indy area, get to Yats. It’s the best Louisiana creole this side of the Mason-Dixon line. I filled up on the good stuff last night before heading to the bar. My newly acquired friend, Ashley, and her friends have a Thursday night haunt at Joe’s Grille. It’s a pretty cool sports bar that has live music & $5 huge pizzas on Thursday. And some nice eye candy too ;-) I have finally met my better. Ashley’s friend, Robert, introduced himself as an “asshole”, which is my usual introduction, so I said I’m the bigger asshole and he put the kibosh on that by openly commenting on every chick’s chest at the table. But I have to give him props cause he got on stage and sang a chorus to Family Tradition with the band. You know what I like about the 80s? They can’t keep their hair. Old man river, who was the lead singer’s dad, was on drums and he had an 80’s glam-rocker white man’s afro that was straight outta the “Monster’s of Rock” commercial. And he could sing “Ice Ice Baby” and “Baby’s Got Back” really good. It was a really fun night and the free cigarettes dude was there so I got a free back and free tickets to see Drowning Pool next Thursday at the Vogue in Broadripple. Very nice. Let the proverbial bodies hit the simulated floor, my homies. Oh, almost forgot about the asscrack beer. This dude apparently thought he need both hands free to flail about on the dance floor so he stuck his Michelob Ultra in the back of his pants. He kept trying to entice everyone at my table, guys, girls, whomever, to get out on the dance floor. Yeah, I’m always down to shake my rump-shaker but not with this tool. I kept hoping the beer would explode like a fountain but it didn’t.
Here’s little delicious nugget of internet for you. Go head, put it in your mouth ;-)
http://health.yahoo.com/experts/capessa/729/how-to-cope-with-the-jerk-at-work
Oh, almost forgot, there were some Cougars out last night. But there were with the bikers. I think the club was "Iron Pigs" of Indianapolis or something like that. Yeah, I didn't feel like getting monkey-stomped on the dance floor so I focused on the asscrack beer.
Okay, let’s get this meeting of the Legion of Doom to order. 1st on the agenda, Yats. Seriously, if you ever find yourself in the Indy area, get to Yats. It’s the best Louisiana creole this side of the Mason-Dixon line. I filled up on the good stuff last night before heading to the bar. My newly acquired friend, Ashley, and her friends have a Thursday night haunt at Joe’s Grille. It’s a pretty cool sports bar that has live music & $5 huge pizzas on Thursday. And some nice eye candy too ;-) I have finally met my better. Ashley’s friend, Robert, introduced himself as an “asshole”, which is my usual introduction, so I said I’m the bigger asshole and he put the kibosh on that by openly commenting on every chick’s chest at the table. But I have to give him props cause he got on stage and sang a chorus to Family Tradition with the band. You know what I like about the 80s? They can’t keep their hair. Old man river, who was the lead singer’s dad, was on drums and he had an 80’s glam-rocker white man’s afro that was straight outta the “Monster’s of Rock” commercial. And he could sing “Ice Ice Baby” and “Baby’s Got Back” really good. It was a really fun night and the free cigarettes dude was there so I got a free back and free tickets to see Drowning Pool next Thursday at the Vogue in Broadripple. Very nice. Let the proverbial bodies hit the simulated floor, my homies. Oh, almost forgot about the asscrack beer. This dude apparently thought he need both hands free to flail about on the dance floor so he stuck his Michelob Ultra in the back of his pants. He kept trying to entice everyone at my table, guys, girls, whomever, to get out on the dance floor. Yeah, I’m always down to shake my rump-shaker but not with this tool. I kept hoping the beer would explode like a fountain but it didn’t.
Here’s little delicious nugget of internet for you. Go head, put it in your mouth ;-)
http://health.yahoo.com/experts/capessa/729/how-to-cope-with-the-jerk-at-work
Oh, almost forgot, there were some Cougars out last night. But there were with the bikers. I think the club was "Iron Pigs" of Indianapolis or something like that. Yeah, I didn't feel like getting monkey-stomped on the dance floor so I focused on the asscrack beer.
Thursday, August 9, 2007
What is wrong with this picture.................
http://sports.espn.go.com/rpm/news/story?seriesId=99&id=2951523&campaign=rss&source=ESPNHeadlines
I can't score a puma or a cougar with Ol' Man River cock-blocking with his billions of dollars. The system is just so unfair. And to be honest, what's her deal that she can't score tail her age or younger. She's cute.......enough......;-P Naw, seriously though, talk about some "daddy's little girl" complex. Why at 26 yrs old you'd want old man junk is beyond me. And read the story, he's no better than a 26 yr old male. "Its in her best interest to move to another team................so I can scam on the next young squirrel coming into racing". Used, abused and tossed aside. Screw it, I'm going to say it, the problem with women is that they are so naive. Its not about being over-trusting, its about not seeing the writing on the wall. Or having a clue in life too. Believe me I'm not bitter, but I just get tired of hearing the same sad story over and over. I don't have sympathy anymore for that type of crap. If you're not smart enough to say "hey, what would a 50 yr old man want with a young, hot, rising star like me" well then see you in the funny pages cause your career is ov-fa!!!!
Or, perhaps, I'm missing the boat. Perhaps this is the way to live life. I think I'm going to refine my search for a suitable partner to find a Suga Momma. Yeah, I'll trade in my self-respect for a credit card with no limit. On second thought, mail-order-bride........yeah......that's the ticket.............and when I turn 50, I'll trade her in for a 25 yr old....................
The hits keep on coming........................................
http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/Investing/HomeMortgageSavings/WhoPays.aspx#pageTopAnchor
Finally an article that speaks the truth. Gotta hold yourself like you're the luckiest person in the room no matta what.............................
http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=6715&TrackingID=516311&BannerID=544657&menuid=6>1=10287
I can't score a puma or a cougar with Ol' Man River cock-blocking with his billions of dollars. The system is just so unfair. And to be honest, what's her deal that she can't score tail her age or younger. She's cute.......enough......;-P Naw, seriously though, talk about some "daddy's little girl" complex. Why at 26 yrs old you'd want old man junk is beyond me. And read the story, he's no better than a 26 yr old male. "Its in her best interest to move to another team................so I can scam on the next young squirrel coming into racing". Used, abused and tossed aside. Screw it, I'm going to say it, the problem with women is that they are so naive. Its not about being over-trusting, its about not seeing the writing on the wall. Or having a clue in life too. Believe me I'm not bitter, but I just get tired of hearing the same sad story over and over. I don't have sympathy anymore for that type of crap. If you're not smart enough to say "hey, what would a 50 yr old man want with a young, hot, rising star like me" well then see you in the funny pages cause your career is ov-fa!!!!
Or, perhaps, I'm missing the boat. Perhaps this is the way to live life. I think I'm going to refine my search for a suitable partner to find a Suga Momma. Yeah, I'll trade in my self-respect for a credit card with no limit. On second thought, mail-order-bride........yeah......that's the ticket.............and when I turn 50, I'll trade her in for a 25 yr old....................
The hits keep on coming........................................
http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/Investing/HomeMortgageSavings/WhoPays.aspx#pageTopAnchor
Finally an article that speaks the truth. Gotta hold yourself like you're the luckiest person in the room no matta what.............................
http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=6715&TrackingID=516311&BannerID=544657&menuid=6>1=10287
Here, kitty kitty, c'mere..........................
Vindicated!!!! It doesn't happen often but every now and then and again, my rants are vindicated by the Internet or other reliable source. So, if you remember my cougar story from Denver, not only have I found "Cougar Hunter" t-shirts, mine's on order, but the terminology is morphing to my age group, "Puma":
Urban Word of the Day
http://www.urbandictionary.com/
August 09, 2007: puma
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=puma&defid=423941
An attractive woman in her late 20s or early 30s.
She is a pre-[cougar]/[urban cougar].
"I think that puma just grabbed my ass."
Yes, let it soak in........marinate your brain if you will............delicious. I might have to go hunting this weekend ;-)
Want To Buy: a good night's sleep.
Good news, I'm officially a zombie. I do think I've finally lost it, not that I ever had it, but its definitely gone. I have been awake every night this week till 3 or 4am and still made it into the office by 8am and still hit the gym harder than peps younger than me. I joke that I thrive on coffee and personal anguish to get through the day but that's starting to become true. I was at Walgreens getting advil to counter the central nervous system breakdown and they have SleepMD stuff at the counter. I should look into it cause I can pop a dose of Simply Sleep and then go for a six hour drive not even being drowsy. I dunno, my brain just won't shut down in the evening. Well, maybe it was that I saved the world from Nazis last night, no thanks to Canada....jerks. There's that new "restless legs syndrome" out now, perhaps I have the full-body version. And on top of all of that, I have very bad Deja vu all the time. Well, last night I did a quick match.com search before heading to bed to not go to sleep and had a 36-yr old black man show up in my matches. At first I thought it was a glitch but from the short preview that appears in the search list, he stated that he wanted a man by his side at night.....freak.............and this triggered my Deja vu. My supervisor is outta da office on a fishing trip and I've been bombarded every day this week with customer support crap and getting mind-jobbed by the UK engineers. In the deja vu, I see the match.com freak and the next day my supervisor is in the office, having cancelled his trip early to get back to the office to help the customers like as if i've been doing a bad job and then I get in trouble and laid off in the near future. I was pissed at myself last night b/c in my head I told myself just go to bed and don't bother with the search. True to form, I end up with bad thoughts and another restless night. Well, you know what they say "a pug a day keeps the voices out of my head.............seriously........"...............................
Urban Word of the Day
http://www.urbandictionary.com/
August 09, 2007: puma
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=puma&defid=423941
An attractive woman in her late 20s or early 30s.
She is a pre-[cougar]/[urban cougar].
"I think that puma just grabbed my ass."
Yes, let it soak in........marinate your brain if you will............delicious. I might have to go hunting this weekend ;-)
Want To Buy: a good night's sleep.
Good news, I'm officially a zombie. I do think I've finally lost it, not that I ever had it, but its definitely gone. I have been awake every night this week till 3 or 4am and still made it into the office by 8am and still hit the gym harder than peps younger than me. I joke that I thrive on coffee and personal anguish to get through the day but that's starting to become true. I was at Walgreens getting advil to counter the central nervous system breakdown and they have SleepMD stuff at the counter. I should look into it cause I can pop a dose of Simply Sleep and then go for a six hour drive not even being drowsy. I dunno, my brain just won't shut down in the evening. Well, maybe it was that I saved the world from Nazis last night, no thanks to Canada....jerks. There's that new "restless legs syndrome" out now, perhaps I have the full-body version. And on top of all of that, I have very bad Deja vu all the time. Well, last night I did a quick match.com search before heading to bed to not go to sleep and had a 36-yr old black man show up in my matches. At first I thought it was a glitch but from the short preview that appears in the search list, he stated that he wanted a man by his side at night.....freak.............and this triggered my Deja vu. My supervisor is outta da office on a fishing trip and I've been bombarded every day this week with customer support crap and getting mind-jobbed by the UK engineers. In the deja vu, I see the match.com freak and the next day my supervisor is in the office, having cancelled his trip early to get back to the office to help the customers like as if i've been doing a bad job and then I get in trouble and laid off in the near future. I was pissed at myself last night b/c in my head I told myself just go to bed and don't bother with the search. True to form, I end up with bad thoughts and another restless night. Well, you know what they say "a pug a day keeps the voices out of my head.............seriously........"...............................
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
How bout this heat???????????
I'm an asshole
(he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole
(he's an asshole, such an asshole)
http://www.metrolyrics.com/lyrics/5742/Dennis_Leary/I
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zPnv8UvKFzc
So, its about a buck and some change in heat outside. I decide that a delicious bowl of chicken and sausage gumbo with jalapenos floating on top would be great to combat the humidity. In my defense, Mc Alister's Deli makes the best food ever so I had to try it. And they have world renown sweet tea........but I just had an ice water :-/
I don't know if its the heat or if I've finally drank myself stupid or if stress has finally broke the proverbial camel's back but all day long I felt like I was crawling outta my skin. I finally got back in the gym on monday after two weeks of traveling and eating restaurant food and plenty of beer. I hate that first day back. You go all Gung-Ho for about 2 minutes and then wake up with Hans giving you mouth to mouth. The worst part about working the man-boobs is that you're sore for a few days and you can't tell if you're sore or having a f*cking stroke in both arms. Yeah, that's probably the reason I was crawling outta my skin. Well, that and I've got a cumulative 4 1/2 hours of sleep in the past two nights as my brain wouldn't shut off........and showtime has soft core porn at 3 am :-/ To counter the loss of my central nervous system, I hit the gym right after work. Gotta push through the pain, people. Afterwards, I was thinking ramen noodles or real food. Real food won and where do I go? Mongolian BBQ. Glutton for punishment am I. I've never been there before and luckily it was pretty much empty cause I hate the stares of people that have friends whilst I dine alone. Go bunk yerself!!!!! So, they have recipe cards for those of us that have the culinary skill of a hot pocket or burnt bag of popcorn. I grab the Kung Pao Beef and get to work, Emerald-style, BAM!!!! Its like $12 for dinner and the bowl appears small. Time to get creative. I pack the meat in good, screw the recipe card, I stuff raw meat in my pockets hoping it'll turn to beef jerky ;-) I get to the vegetable part and I'm like a fucking rat just packing that tiny bowl full. I'm compressing and layering like Chef Boy-r-dee. I mix up my sauce and go hang out at the grill watching the gentlemen do their thang. I get back to my table, which is always in the bar even when I'm not drinking cause I hate unruly little junior s.o.b and his scumbag parents that don't control him, and just dig in. Oh, kung pao, how you taste so good and burn so bad. I'm three bites in and on my fifth glass of water looking for the waitress to bring me more. Delicious. At the high top next to me are three girls that work there and eventually one of them get the cajones to start some chit-chatting with me. I just gave her the hand and kept eating (not really but its like the third time the staff at a restaurant opens up with "why you here by yourself?", isn't it obvious I have no friends????) :'-( I get done with my bowl, to the last bit of food and the waitress comes over and, mind you I told her it was my virgin trip to the M-BBQ, asks me if I'd like another bowl. F*cking-A!!!! Its all you can eat at dinner time. When she picked herself up off the floor, I politely told her that I was stuffed and wouldn't be needing another bowl.......and to put some ice on that shiner ;-P Well, lesson learned............or is it? I'd probably be the same pack rat anyhow cause I'm not interested in making six trips to the grill and having to tip each time lest you get a spitter.
Well, time to get back to saving the world, xbox-style, before blockbuster hunts me down to return this game........................give peas a chance...............
(he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole
(he's an asshole, such an asshole)
http://www.metrolyrics.com/lyrics/5742/Dennis_Leary/I
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zPnv8UvKFzc
So, its about a buck and some change in heat outside. I decide that a delicious bowl of chicken and sausage gumbo with jalapenos floating on top would be great to combat the humidity. In my defense, Mc Alister's Deli makes the best food ever so I had to try it. And they have world renown sweet tea........but I just had an ice water :-/
I don't know if its the heat or if I've finally drank myself stupid or if stress has finally broke the proverbial camel's back but all day long I felt like I was crawling outta my skin. I finally got back in the gym on monday after two weeks of traveling and eating restaurant food and plenty of beer. I hate that first day back. You go all Gung-Ho for about 2 minutes and then wake up with Hans giving you mouth to mouth. The worst part about working the man-boobs is that you're sore for a few days and you can't tell if you're sore or having a f*cking stroke in both arms. Yeah, that's probably the reason I was crawling outta my skin. Well, that and I've got a cumulative 4 1/2 hours of sleep in the past two nights as my brain wouldn't shut off........and showtime has soft core porn at 3 am :-/ To counter the loss of my central nervous system, I hit the gym right after work. Gotta push through the pain, people. Afterwards, I was thinking ramen noodles or real food. Real food won and where do I go? Mongolian BBQ. Glutton for punishment am I. I've never been there before and luckily it was pretty much empty cause I hate the stares of people that have friends whilst I dine alone. Go bunk yerself!!!!! So, they have recipe cards for those of us that have the culinary skill of a hot pocket or burnt bag of popcorn. I grab the Kung Pao Beef and get to work, Emerald-style, BAM!!!! Its like $12 for dinner and the bowl appears small. Time to get creative. I pack the meat in good, screw the recipe card, I stuff raw meat in my pockets hoping it'll turn to beef jerky ;-) I get to the vegetable part and I'm like a fucking rat just packing that tiny bowl full. I'm compressing and layering like Chef Boy-r-dee. I mix up my sauce and go hang out at the grill watching the gentlemen do their thang. I get back to my table, which is always in the bar even when I'm not drinking cause I hate unruly little junior s.o.b and his scumbag parents that don't control him, and just dig in. Oh, kung pao, how you taste so good and burn so bad. I'm three bites in and on my fifth glass of water looking for the waitress to bring me more. Delicious. At the high top next to me are three girls that work there and eventually one of them get the cajones to start some chit-chatting with me. I just gave her the hand and kept eating (not really but its like the third time the staff at a restaurant opens up with "why you here by yourself?", isn't it obvious I have no friends????) :'-( I get done with my bowl, to the last bit of food and the waitress comes over and, mind you I told her it was my virgin trip to the M-BBQ, asks me if I'd like another bowl. F*cking-A!!!! Its all you can eat at dinner time. When she picked herself up off the floor, I politely told her that I was stuffed and wouldn't be needing another bowl.......and to put some ice on that shiner ;-P Well, lesson learned............or is it? I'd probably be the same pack rat anyhow cause I'm not interested in making six trips to the grill and having to tip each time lest you get a spitter.
Well, time to get back to saving the world, xbox-style, before blockbuster hunts me down to return this game........................give peas a chance...............
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
Monday exists to mock us of the weekend lost........
Well, sometimes. I finally got out an did something this weekend. Even though I was still heat stroked, I took my parents out an about in downtown Indy. There's this canal walk area that rocks for walking. The canal is shallow and if you want to be a sucker you can rent a paddle boat and go nowhere under your own girl-like paddle strength. However, if you have a can of worms, you're a king amongst men on the canal walk..........or at least to the fishys. There were a ton of fish, big and small, and they had my dad hooked as everytime he stopped they would approach him and whisper sweet nothings in his ear. In hindsight, perhaps he shouldn't have stuck his head in the water.......or I shouldn't have suggested it, he can be very gullible. Naw, but there were a ton of fish and they were watching us. Seriously. They would track your movement along the banks. Maybe people do go down there and feed them worms. Maybe they're Al Quida fish and they're planning a hostile takeover of the Peyton Manning, whatever, its none of my business. My dad came across some poor bastard of a worm. After fat-fingering the retrieval of the worm for like two minutes, he found the hungriest group of fish to toss it the worm too. Oh, the horror......the horror. Real bloodbath for such a small worm. After the canal we strolled around the Monument circle downtown and then had lunch at Johnny Rockets. Very nice time. After the folks left, I resumed my position on the allied front and took on Hilter. This time it was personal........ After waking in a trench I dug in a drunken stupor on my living room floor, I decided that beer and xbox don't mix. Just kidding, on the beer and xbox part ;-) I decided to again force myself outta my domicle and went to see "Live Free or Die Hard". Bruce Willis can father my children so that they may have a chance in this world if terrorism ever becomes real and not just a proproganda technique to raise the price of gas. As a matter of fact, Bruce, go squeeze out a few and I'll cover the cost. Oh, but can I date your daughter? Okay, just throwing that out there. No need to get snippy about it. Seriously, go see the movie and you'll understand.
Finally got my fatass back in the gym after a two week hiatus. Got in some good exercise and decided to celebrate with BW3 wings, buffalo chips and good ol' Miller Lite. My cousin sold me a discount card, that he may or may not have made himself in his basement, yeah, Pop Warner my hairy cheek, and it took a manager and two employees fifteen minutes to figure out if I could use it at that location. That 15% off of food only tasted extra sweet.........especially knowing how much they jack the price of beer there. The waiter abandoned me mid-wing and I was running outta beer to cool the flames. So, I took matters into my own hands. It was empty in there so I went to the bar myself to get another round and the bartender got a chuckle when I asked for a refill like it was a pop. I even had a chuckle when I got back to my delicious wings. On my way home, I was jamming to some Metallica and as I entered my complex I had Sublime pumping. Short lived however as there were two squads sitting with no lights and no drivers in the parking lot. No need to provoke them and I think my "F*ck da Po-lice" bummer sticker really gets the point across (j/k!). Yeah, probably just the standard domestic violence going on. You know, she has to be told twice and damaged his hand whilst receiving the black eyes. Okay, baby jesus is crying after that remark. Yikes!!!! Its called "baby benadryl", baby jesus ;-)
Well, you can see that I'm back and still as ridiculous as ever. Its all I'se gots..............................
Finally got my fatass back in the gym after a two week hiatus. Got in some good exercise and decided to celebrate with BW3 wings, buffalo chips and good ol' Miller Lite. My cousin sold me a discount card, that he may or may not have made himself in his basement, yeah, Pop Warner my hairy cheek, and it took a manager and two employees fifteen minutes to figure out if I could use it at that location. That 15% off of food only tasted extra sweet.........especially knowing how much they jack the price of beer there. The waiter abandoned me mid-wing and I was running outta beer to cool the flames. So, I took matters into my own hands. It was empty in there so I went to the bar myself to get another round and the bartender got a chuckle when I asked for a refill like it was a pop. I even had a chuckle when I got back to my delicious wings. On my way home, I was jamming to some Metallica and as I entered my complex I had Sublime pumping. Short lived however as there were two squads sitting with no lights and no drivers in the parking lot. No need to provoke them and I think my "F*ck da Po-lice" bummer sticker really gets the point across (j/k!). Yeah, probably just the standard domestic violence going on. You know, she has to be told twice and damaged his hand whilst receiving the black eyes. Okay, baby jesus is crying after that remark. Yikes!!!! Its called "baby benadryl", baby jesus ;-)
Well, you can see that I'm back and still as ridiculous as ever. Its all I'se gots..............................
Monday, August 6, 2007
And the Wichita Lineman is still on the line ...........
Well, I was back in the office for two glorious days before being shipped back out to the front lines. For God, Country...........and Pi Research, sir, yes, sir!!!! I like to compare myself to Rambo, First Blood part II, I'm expendable. So expendable that the reason I head off again was b/c the customer dictated one line in an email "We'd like someone from Pi here to see the occurrence". Its all good though b/c I got a handshake and an "atta boy" on Monday when I got back from the new VP and him and my boss asked if they could clone me to help with the new business they stirred up at the Oshkosh avionics expo (where a person died doing stunts in a P-51 Mustang plane and another died enroute to the expo, google it). So, I was home long enough to wash my clothes from the previous trip and repack them. I did, however, score a meet and greet for cocktails with a teacher from match.com on Tuesday so the week wasn't all lost. We went to this fancy restaurant on the Geist Reservoir off 96th street and it was a beautiful day. Perfect weather to sit out by the cabana with a cold beer and good conversation. The reservoir is really nice. Not too big and not too small. I hear they have "Party Cove" style action where everyone ties their boats together in coves and parties their ass off :-D I need to get a small boat next year. Or maybe I'll just strap on a couple floaty noodles and take my changes :-) So, I head out the next morning for good o' Wichita. Again, faced with the scumbags of the airline industry. Freakin' jag off at United wasted everyone's time relaying a story to his boss instead of printing our checked bag tickets. Oddly enough, I go get breakfast at the American Bandstand restaurant and some dude is starting his morning trip with a cold beer. Swear it wasn't me ;-) I fly up to O'hare b/c there's no direct flights to anywhere from Indy. I have 1 hr layover to trek damn near a mile from the far end of terminal B to the far end of terminal F. Thank you very much United. I needed the exercise and stress.
Hello, Wichita. Too many airports and extremely hot. Especially being stuck on the side of a runway monitoring wind and gps equipment while the plane does ground effects. I swear to Miller Lite, the biggest horseflys you've ever seen. And they were just staring at me from inside our van that we left the doors open to. They were just licking there chops looking at this brown sugar. I think one of the even winked at me. FLY's DON'T HAVE EYE-LIDS!!!!! Or, maybe it was something else. I dunno, this heat's driving me crazy........(what movie is that a line from? and "go").
Wichita was a little more fun for me. The environment was the same, getting blamed for everything, but at least this time the guys took me out for fun. We hit up this bar/entertainment place near their hotel for drinks and pool on wednesday night. Very nice. Everyone's a little more honest when drunk. The key is to be the soberest. Especially around clients. These guys were kool though and appreciated Pi's product and gave me the low down on those that didn't. We got some good tests done on Thursday and things looked promising. These dudes were from Tulsa, OK and had been in Wichita for 4 1/2 months. Yeah, total cabin fever. They had a DD every Thursday for "guy's night out" ;-) I'll tell ya, a classy gentlemen's club is nice but every now and then and again, you've got to get a dive in your system to appreciate the finer ones. But its always a good time if you know what you're doing.
I got home without too much trouble but late on Friday. Exhausted from having spent a day in a van in sweltering heat on the side of a runway, I got a video game, "Call of Duty 3", and a case of tall-boys and sat down to save the world yet again. Then at 4am I got to catch Romper Stomper on showtime. If've you never seen that movie then you don't know what you're missing. Its about neo-nazi's led by Russell Crowe in the eighties in Australia. Very nice................
Hello, Wichita. Too many airports and extremely hot. Especially being stuck on the side of a runway monitoring wind and gps equipment while the plane does ground effects. I swear to Miller Lite, the biggest horseflys you've ever seen. And they were just staring at me from inside our van that we left the doors open to. They were just licking there chops looking at this brown sugar. I think one of the even winked at me. FLY's DON'T HAVE EYE-LIDS!!!!! Or, maybe it was something else. I dunno, this heat's driving me crazy........(what movie is that a line from? and "go").
Wichita was a little more fun for me. The environment was the same, getting blamed for everything, but at least this time the guys took me out for fun. We hit up this bar/entertainment place near their hotel for drinks and pool on wednesday night. Very nice. Everyone's a little more honest when drunk. The key is to be the soberest. Especially around clients. These guys were kool though and appreciated Pi's product and gave me the low down on those that didn't. We got some good tests done on Thursday and things looked promising. These dudes were from Tulsa, OK and had been in Wichita for 4 1/2 months. Yeah, total cabin fever. They had a DD every Thursday for "guy's night out" ;-) I'll tell ya, a classy gentlemen's club is nice but every now and then and again, you've got to get a dive in your system to appreciate the finer ones. But its always a good time if you know what you're doing.
I got home without too much trouble but late on Friday. Exhausted from having spent a day in a van in sweltering heat on the side of a runway, I got a video game, "Call of Duty 3", and a case of tall-boys and sat down to save the world yet again. Then at 4am I got to catch Romper Stomper on showtime. If've you never seen that movie then you don't know what you're missing. Its about neo-nazi's led by Russell Crowe in the eighties in Australia. Very nice................
bye, bye, plane..........bye, bye..............
Well, I made it back from Denver, despite Frontier Air's best efforts............and my own penchant for beer :-/ I got out of work early and did the tourist-thing in Denver. Took pictures by Mile High Stadium, went down to Union Station and to complete the trifecta, burned my elbow waiting for a Denverite to snap my pic posted up on a statue in front of the Rockies Stadium. Well, then, my sixth sense (aka spidey-sense) picked up on a beer special at the rooftop patio bar across from the stadium (god bless Jackson's bar). Ya-da-da-da.................I'm doing free shots with the two female bartenders, one of which was a self-proclaimed "cougar". Very nice ;-) So, I get to the airport and have a 2 hr wait for my plane. God bless the Sky Blue Bar. Hot dog and beer on special. Sixer of each later...........naw, just a couple. I end up talking to some guy at the bar who turns out to be a Hoosier. Well, had to Boiler-up on him for a bit. I leave to catch my plane and sit down to wait for my boarding. Those of us that know, know that booze and high temps and high altitude don't mix. I get a bit sleepy waiting for my turn to board. Luckily for me, Hoosiers are nice people, just at the wrong college. My newfound buddy woke me up on his way to catch the same flight as me. So, off I am, right? Wrong!!! After taxiing to the middle of nowhere, we turn around and head back to the gate. 45 minutes later, lift off. Everything is now still completely FUBAR as the little kid behind me won't stop kicking my spine loose. I'm not going to lie, when the beverage kart came round, "two beers, please". And I'm against buying beers on planes cause its a total rip off, but its also a sedative ;-) Eventually, things mellowed out and little junior s.o.b came into my row to sit on his grandpa's lap and he was sporting pjs and a pacifier, which made me wonder why I don't travel like that :-P I arrive safe and sound at 1:30am Monday morning, yah!!! Oh, no, no, no. I get home afte 2am, am too wired to sleep and "Beyond the Law" was on t.v. 4am, go to bed, 8am, wake up for work, 10am, time to make the donuts..................
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
.JPG)