I'm a riot? You're a fucking riot!!!!! Get it..............

Okay, this shit is long overdue. Eye-yi-yi, where to begin? Last Thursday rocked hanging with Travis in Broad Ripple. Didn’t stay out late cause had to work on Friday but got caught up on his awesome honeymoon details. I need to get married already just for the honeymoon part. Oh, and the Miller Chill girls were out an about so I got a ton of free fake tats and a t-shirt. Travis, Jeff and I made plans to meet up again on Friday in Broad Ripple. Work was same old same old and my buddy, Dan, expressed interest in grabbing a beer that night. So, I figure the more the merrier. By the time everyone came out we had a small table rockin’ with like seven peps at the Broad Ripple Tavern (BRT). It was an awesome night. Couple of Irish Carbombs and good stories told all around. We met up at like 8pm, around 11pm the Hotties came out. My buddy, Neal, and I are the last people at Pi that are single so Dan busts our chops so the married folk can live vicariously through us :-D He was disappointed on Monday cause I didn’t make Neal, a shy Brit, talk to any girls but I’m just not that guy. I let others get into their own mess cause I’m too busy rollin’ in mine.
So, the night ends well and I figure that was the high point of my weekend. Hmmm………nope. I wake up torn on Saturday and just kinda lie around watching tv and nursing my hangover. I was supposed to go to a Highlife club interview but I don’t need to interview or pay for friends so I say “fuck shoes!!!!” (if you know anything about Dane Cook and his history with shoes then you’ll understand). Well, I was expecting Highlife to call me all preachy and bitchy for missing my interview so when I got a phone call from a strange area code, I had no trouble ignoring it. That was until the same number called my work phone. My buddy Cory was trying to get ahold of me and my bro hooked him up with my work number. Good thing cause Cory had an extra ticket to Dave Mathews’ concert. Awesomeness just tossed in my lap. So, I pull myself together and meet up with Cory and his friend to go to the Verizon Wireless ampitheater. The weather is awesome, got the faux hawk rockin’ and am ready to groove. Well, Dave was in town the night before so the parking lot was quite interesting. The remains of the day were used condoms and broken beer bottles everywhere. Very nice. Glad I was wearing my Docs and not flip flops like the rest of the hippies. Oh, yeah, the fuckin’ hippies. I thought they got suppressed during the 80s but apparently not. This one guy was flailing about like an idiot, and was probably stone sober just retarded. Anywho, more importantly, the line for the bathroom was a breakdown in civilization. I’m talking just madness. Fights breaking out left and right, chicks trying to sneak into the men’s stalls cause their line was horrendous (we booed them out though). All in all, it was madness, but I was able to get my drunk on and not get into any fights and get home safely. That’s all that mattered. Dave was good but I haven’t listened to his music in so long that I didn’t recognize any of the songs…..well that and I was shitfaced drunk. I got to the point where I contemplated hurdling myself down the lawn to see how many people I could knock down with my limp body. The only thing stopping me was reliving the image of the girl that puked her brains out in an empty beer cup and then spilled the cup on the lawn. Very gross. I was pretty sure that the cure for cancer was festering on that lawn.
To go to Dave, I had to cancel a hanging out appointment with my friend, Ashley. I promised to make it up on Sunday and she had free tickets to the State Fair. So, away I go again. This time, replace hippies with ghetto/white trash and expensive beer with expensive food. My friend Ashley works for Watson’s so we went with some of her coworkers to the Fair. Got some Indiana Beef ribeye steak sandwiches, very delicious. We walked around for a while and then made our way over to the Watson’s booth where they had a ton of expensive Jacuzzis. They have this one with a 27 inch plasma screen that retracts into the side, very cool. At the main stage there was demolition derby’s going on and we got suckered into the mayhem. I tell you, America just has a love for violence. And you don’t think you’re that way until you hear an engine revving up and then see the collision of metal on metal. This one car was all banged up and could barely move so the driver decided to blow the engine. He was revving it like made until finally it just smoked out. The crowd was cheering him on………and then the whole engine compartment caught fire with a “poof”. The driver was able to scramble out the windshield and only injured his arm from landing on it wrong. It was wild. Death was definitely in the air……..along with waffle cakes ;-)
The fair ended well with a rain storm and an hour long firework finale. I think God wanted to join in cause he kept flashing lightning to compete with the man-made fireworks. It was a good end to the weekend of madness………..oh………..but it didn’t end. Travis and Kara had invited me to tailgate for the Colts vs Bears preseason Monday night game. Giddy-up!!! So, I extended an invite to Ashley who returns the favor with free tickets to the game from the Vice Principal at the school she works at. It rained a monsoon on Monday so traffic was all jacked up trying to get down to the RCA dome but no matter. It was my first NFL experience ever so I was pretty stoked even if it was just preseason. It was hard to not cheer for the Bears but I was in Colts-country and didn’t want my ass rearranged, I like it just the way it is. It was a nice way to end a crazy weekend of shenanigans and fool-hardy fun. I guess the sun does shine on every dog’s ass someday………………………………………